


The Down and Outs

by AnonymousMink, Rellie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fun, Modern Era, Private Investigators
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 70,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5834833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousMink/pseuds/AnonymousMink, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rellie/pseuds/Rellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey Niima-- licensed PI, unofficial dog sitter, possibly living in her car --is working the most interesting case of her career, reuniting the two most famous people on the planet with their missing renegade son. It soon becomes apparent though that after his vanishing act fifteen years before, Ben Solo has simply ceased to exist.</p><p>In his place Rey finds Kylo Ren-- shadowy SnokeCorp flunky, person of dubious morals, highly allergic to dogs --who seems completely unwilling to patch things up with his estranged parents. Rey’s made a promise though, and come what may she’s going to stick to it...</p><p>Whether Ren likes it or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Desperately Seeking Solo

**Author's Note:**

> A joint fic between Rellie and me with a distinctly funtacular and fluffy feel :D  
> Split between POVs of Rey (written by me) and Ren (written by Rell) join us as we send our very favourite space dweebs on a whole new (thoroughly modern) adventure!

 

“Do you want me to circle the block again?” Finn was eyeing up the building like it would explode at any moment and rain asbestos on their heads.

 

Rey couldn’t blame him. They’d pulled up to the usually deserted office building to find it crawling with enough private security personnel to take over a small country. She hadn’t seen that many suits since the last funeral she’d been to. There were four businesses renting in the dingy little complex, an insurance firm took up the ground floor, a personal loan service shared the second floor with an accountant (both of whom she rather suspected were mob-run), and right up in the rafters, in the smallest room of them all, was Scavenger Investigations.

 

Her baby.

 

What with it being stupid o’clock on a Sunday morning and Accountant Dave being out of town, she figured they must have been there for her first and only appointment of the day. Her new clients had been more than a little secretive when setting up the meeting. No names, no details, just a time and a verbal confidentiality agreement. But that in itself wasn't unusual, most people who came to her didn't want to broadcast the fact they were hiring a private investigator. The suits though? That was new.

 

“I'm sure I'll be fine.” She shrugged, worrying at her lip even as she said it. “Although you'd think someone with this much money would be able to hire a real detective.”

 

“You are a real detective, Rey.” Finn reminded her sternly, his anxiety forgotten as he poked her in the shoulder. “You have a license and everything, don't put yourself down like that.”

 

“Yeah yeah.” Grinning at the predictable pep-talk she leant over the stick shift to hug him goodbye. “Remember the shop's dropping my car round here at lunch time so you don't have to worry about picking me up later.”

 

“Okay. But you call me if you need me, promise? Especially if this gets-” he wiggled his eyebrows “weird.”

 

“Promise.” She laughed swinging open the door, Finn was always such a worrier. It was a wonder he hadn't had a heart attack yet, especially considering he lived with Poe 'Nothing to See Here Officer' Dameron. “See ya later”

 

“Have a good day at work.” He called after her as she bumped the car door closed with her hip. She waved him away, waiting until he'd turned the corner before she faced the building. Shouldering her bag she tipped her chin up, refusing to wilt under the sudden sharp interest of the dozen less than discretely placed bodyguards. Jeez, who _was_ her new client – the president?

 

“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with us, Rey.” Rey fought to keep from gaping, sweat beading on her forehead as she accepted a firm handshake from Senator Organa. _The_ Senator Organa.

 

Okay, so she wasn't the president, but it was a pretty damn close second. She was after all Time’s number one most influential woman in the country.

 

Not to mention the fact the Senator's husband just happened to be the roguishly handsome Hollywood heartthrob turned respected character actor Han Solo. Who was standing right beside her. In Rey’s office. Even in his seventies it was easy to see how he'd had heartthrob status in his heyday. Rey bit the inside of her cheek to check she wasn't dreaming, then remembered her manners.

 

“It's my pleasure, Senator Organa, Mr Solo. Please have a seat.” She gestured to the battle-scarred second hand chairs opposite her desk and tried not to wince as they creaked ominously under their weight. Her client's didn't seem to mind the shabby furnishings, Rey was pretty sure anything Leia Organa-Solo sat on became a throne upon contact, and Han looked perfectly at home slouching on the hard plastic. “What can I do for you today?”

 

“It's a rather... delicate subject.” Leia folded her hands neatly in her lap.

 

Han snorted, earning a pointed glare from his wife. “What? Did I say anything?"

 

Ignoring him, she retrieved a worn photo from her purse and held it out to Rey. "We're hoping you can help us find our son. It's an old picture I'm afraid. Ben would be twenty nine now.”

 

“Right, okay.” Rey nodded, glancing down at the photo, creased and worn as if it been held often. The guy in the picture wasn't twenty nine, nowhere near, she'd place him closer to fifteen.  Gangly with dark hair and darker eyes, the beginnings of his father's good looks but awkwardly spaced out on a face he was still growing into. He had his hand raised as if trying to get the person behind the camera not to take the picture.

 

Han leant forward, pointing at Rey with a firm nod. “Listen though kid, if we're paying you we want the full deal. You don't just gotta find him, we need to know he’s actually alive and well and all that.”

 

“Han.” Leia interjected sharply, the tension between them palpable. A familiar argument Rey guessed, old wounds that hadn’t ever healed properly. Leia recovered quickly pausing to smooth a non-existent wrinkle out of her sensible business-casual skirt before continuing. “What he means to say is, ideally we'd like to try and get into contact with him again through a third party intermediary such as yourself. In the past he has... rebuffed any attempts at direct contact we've tried to make and we don't want to drive him any further away.”

 

Despite the cool demeanour, Rey could hear the whisper of pain in her voice. Behind Han's blustering she could see it's mirror. She read it in the way he leant over to take his wife's hand, an unconscious act of support that told her much more than any of the bickering had. Rey could sense the hurt through their facades, the ache of losing a son that could never quite be masked. She wondered if it stung as much as losing a parent and her throat squeezed.

 

Firming her jaw she nodded, decision made. “I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to reconnect you with your son.”

 

“Thank you Rey," Leia stood, Han echoing her movements as if they were attached by an invisible string. She held out her hand again and Rey took it with much more confidence. "You're our only hope.”

 

She couldn't stop thinking about the Solo's after they left. Their understated plea had gone and tugged at every single one of her heart strings. What she couldn't figure out is how it had happened. Rey had feelings about people, accurate ones. She'd seen the bad in the world, spend long enough in the foster system and anyone would see the true evil adults can hide. Han and Leia weren't like that. There was no malice in their, eyes, no viciousness in the set of their features. Just the pain of loss and the despair of not understanding why.

 

What could they have possibly done to drive their son so far away?

 

It had taken a solid five hours of searching and a half dozen knock-off Red Bulls before she'd managed to get a handle on her target. Simply put, Ben Solo didn’t exist.

 

Kylo Ren however was very much alive and kicking.

 

The break had come hot on the heels of unsealing the last known official records of the Solo’s son, a juvie case involving a hushed-up fire at an upstate boarding school. Nothing had ever been proven but there was still a paper trial to be followed if one knew where to look, and it was Rey’s business to know where to look. Most of the documents were in the name of Ben Solo, but the last, a follow up report filed more than a year later, was signed by the mysterious Kylo Ren.

 

Rey snorted, _Kylo Ren._ He might as well called himself Hipster McCoolpants. He was probably one of those douchebags who brought their acoustic guitars to parties and tortured everyone with off-key edgy versions of Wonderwall.

 

Shrugging the thought of with a huff of laughter she dove back into the search. Finding out his new identity was only half of the battle, she still had to actually find the guy. Aside from the juvie file she’d already rifled through the guy was clean.

 

Almost too clean.

 

It was as if someone had picked through the system bit by bit and erased any mention of Ben Solo or Kylo Ren. No medical records, no court cases, not even a parking ticket. Not to mention a distinct lack of twitter, tumblr, or instagram - not even a facebook page. He was about as far off the grid as a guy could get, especially for a millennial.

 

The only solid leads she'd found had been in articles about First Order, aka SnokeCorp, the industrial conglomerate run by super-rich, super-creepy old white guy Mr Snoke. A community leader and budding politician, Snoke came across in the media as exactly the type of fanatical right wing nutbar she tried to avoid. The pay must've been insane, she didn't know why anyone else would choose to work for them. Not that she could figure out what he actually did there, when he was mentioned it was as a 'technical advisor’ or 'communications specialist’'. Whatever that was.

 

There was only one confirmed photo of Ren online since he'd dropped his old name, and it was predictably tiny. It also forced her to re-evaluate her previous mental image of him, no acoustic guitars or hipster beards here. Nope, instead it was a grainy little snapshot of some of the higher ups at SnokeCorp he'd happened to be caught in the corner of, a dark blur in a sea of neat uniforms. She could only just make him out, arms folded, glaring hard at a row of middle management types.

 

"Well he looks chipper." She'd sighed to herself before diving back in, determined to get an address if it killed her.

 

SnokeCorps firewall nearly did.

 

The conglomerate had some of the best online security she’d ever seen. Then again they were a multi-billion dollar, globally traded company so really, what had she been expecting? Every port was guarded up to the eye teeth. It took days of careful poking and prodding to find a weakness, cripplingly aware that one wrong move would probably get her ass thrown into jail. Luckily for her some idiot had left the default password on their employee information data-bank, available right there through the company portal - password: 12345. It was an absolutely useless spreadsheet to any real hacker, it wasn’t even the official company records, just a quick ref for the assistants and medical staff. All it contained was a list of Hub-based employees, any known conditions they might have, and their contact details.

 

“Jackpot!” she whooped loudly to the empty room, punching the air. Still grinning she cracked her knuckles and got to work ripping a hard copy from the system, lest her jubilation jinx the whole thing. The computer gods were fickle things after all. She could go through the file properly later, all that mattered to her right then was that she had her address. “Watch out Kylo Ren, I’m coming for you.”

 

Finding Kylo Ren and _finding_ Kylo Ren turned out to be two different things. Rey kicked her feet up onto the dashboard, fishing around in her take out bag for any straggling french fries that had escaped her. The guy was like a wampa in a blizzard. She’d been parked outside his apartment for two days and barely caught a glimpse of him.

 

Still, it felt good to be working again, snug inside her rusty red Ford Speeder. It had passed it’s MoT with flying colours, much to Finn’s enduring surprise, it might’ve looked like a hunk of junk on the outside but Rey kept it running with military precision. And, since she had a real case, she could justify sleeping in her car again. At least until the Solo’s cheque cleared.

 

It’d been a month since her lovely rent controlled apartment had gone condo and she’d been unceremoniously evicted, three weeks since Finn had found her asleep in the backseat of the Speeder and demanded she crash with him and Poe until she found somewhere new to stay. It was sweet but she knew she was an imposition, Her friends’ good nature making him blind to the fact that the two-bedroom broom closet they shared was already crowded with just the two of them and BB-8, never mind her.

 

Anyway, Finn’s couch was too soft for her to get a proper night’s sleep on. Years of concrete foster care beds had made the marshmallow-y contraption almost unbearable. Plus she’d had to share it with BB, who took up a lot of space for a corgi. And shedded. Constantly.

 

She was better off on her own.

 

It was gone midnight and the apartment complex was surprisingly quiet for a neighbourhood so close to the Hub. The mysterious Kylo Ren lived about as far from her world in CoCo Town as he could get. Rey was just amazed he’d stayed within a stones throw of Coronet City, if he was that eager to distance himself from his parents why not move to Mos Espa, or Theed or any other far flung place, why stay here? Then again Galactic City was a sprawling metropolis, the largest city in the country by a long shot, even if it had been unfortunately named during peak 60's Space Race madness. To its citizens it was merely 'The City', and it was huge. A good place to disappear. Wasn’t that why she’d been dumped there, after all?

 

Shaking the thought loose she focused on the task at hand. From what she’d seen he only ever appeared at just after sunset and sunrise, an impressively tall figure in a black wool coat striding purposefully along the short sidewalk that connected the apartment block to the parking garage. She’d tried following him in her car but had almost gotten side-swiped by some douche too busy talking on his phone to look at the road. By the time she’d swerved around the BMW Tie—because of _course_ he was driving a BMW Tie—and made it to the back exit Ren was gone. She was determined not to miss him again, even though she was ninety percent sure he was just heading to and from work, rocking up just after dark and immediately disappearing back into his top floor apartment, his blinds firmly closed against the outside world.

 

She had managed to snap a few pictures of him though, they weren’t her best work but they were enough to get a positive ID. She never got more than half his face in any picture, it was just his eyes really, almost black against the thin strip of exposed skin. Trapped in a perpetual scowl between wild inky hair and the huge great scarf he wrapped around his face against the early September chill. She flipped the camera over, pulling one of the better pictures up on the LCD as she chewed through the last of her french fries.

 

It was gonna be a weird case, she could already tell. Smiling to herself she turned down the radio and settled back in her seat. They were the best kind.

 


	2. Sometimes Paranoia's Just Having All the Facts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter written by Rellie

It was the same car.

 

Kylo Ren had suspected as much for two days now, had been nearly sure of it yesterday but today he was positive. The same crappy, battered red car had been sitting directly opposite his house for at least the past four days, occupying a  _ blatantly _ residents only parking space. Something that would be a source of minor annoyance for most people but to him—

 

A little surge of panic swelled momentarily in his chest only to be ruthlessly quashed.

 

It was most likely nothing. He was paranoid that was all. Justifiably paranoid maybe but still paranoid. No one could possibly find him here, and anyone Snoke had sent to spy on him would find nothing incriminating. By his own design he lived a neat, empty life.

 

For a long moment he hesitated on the sidewalk, apartment keys in hand, wanting nothing more than to retreat into his sanctuary, to forget about this minor annoyance until another day. Work had been...hard today, draining.

 

But this would prey on his mind too much to leave it as it was.

 

Close-up the car was so beaten up that for a moment he wondered if it had simply broken down here, been abandoned by the owner to rot quietly in place. But then he saw movement inside, a flash of dark brown hair as someone straightened up.

 

He knocked smartly on the glass, an impatient  _ rap _ of his knuckles.

 

The window whined its way slowly down and the smell of stale fast food mixed with pine air freshener wafted out to greet him, his nose wrinkled in disgust as he resisted the urge to take a half step back.

 

“You can’t simply park here—“

 

The face that appeared in the window was very open, young, female—a  _ girl _ —and he found himself abruptly revising his opinion. Inside the car was a cluttered mess of paper tissues and, yes, the empty fast food containers he had smelt when the window opened. A blanket was laid out carelessly on the back seat, a battered looking rucksack at one end clearly being used as a pillow.

 

Homeless then.

 

It gave him an unexpected twinge of sympathy, the emotion feeling almost alien to him now. But he could remember all too well what it was like to be too young and out on your own, at least  _ she _ had a car, he’d had nothing but the clothes on his back.

 

“There are many shelters in this city, you should go to one of them.” He made a vague gesture to his phone, indicating he would happy to google the nearest place for her. Well, maybe not  _ happy _ but if it would get her off his doorstep then…

 

“Really?” The girl laughed a little under her breath, seemingly endlessly amused at something. The accent was jarringly Coruscanti, strangely clipped and polite to his ears. “Thanks for the suggestion.”

 

And with that she raised a large, expensive looking camera and clicked the button. The shutter clacked softly and he was left blinking down at her in stupefied horror and dawning realisation. He felt a wave of heat roll over his face, beads of sweat popping out on his forehead.

 

Stupid, so  _ stupid _ —

 

She was a  _ spy, _ or a PI or something-- and now she had a picture of him. He’d been so careful over the years, so  _ thorough _ , and now…

 

“Now  _ that _ , that was good one. Would you like to see?” 

 

Her accent sounded nothing but mocking now as she smiled widely, triumphantly raising the camera toward him. He made a grab for it but she had obviously been expecting that, twitching it neatly out of his reach just in time and thumbing the button that whirred the window closed again. He barely managed to yank his hand away before the glass sealed itself against him.

 

“Give me the camera.”

 

“Ummm…no.” The words were mouthed more than heard and she held the camera up again, at his eye level, seemingly amused by his response.

 

“Give it to me!”

 

He punctuated his words by slamming his fist into the glass, hoping that she would flinch away, imagining the glass splintering, cobwebbing under his hand. Instead the girl merely raised a slightly condescending eyebrow, as if he were a child throwing a temper tantrum or something equally inconsequential. 

 

The window was winched down the tiniest amount, a hair's breadth, enough for him to clearly hear her reply.

 

“And here I thought your mother would have taught you to say ‘please’.”

 

A strangely bitter wave of relief rolled through him. She’d come from his parents then. From the Actor and the Senator. Not ideal but vastly better than the alternative.

 

He took a deep breath, tried to calm the sudden thrum of anger in his gut.

 

“Give me the camera and I won’t call the police.”

 

She scrunched up her face, obviously faking a look of consideration at his suggestion. It was a strange face, from this angle a child’s, a little girl enjoying having leverage over someone, from the next a woman’s looking up at him with combative eyes. He wondered where they’d found someone like this, most of the PI’s they’d sent after him before had been ex-cops or military. Real professionals.They must really have been scraping the barrel now. 

 

Then again  _ this _ was the only one that had found him.

 

“You won’t call the police.” she said finally, decisively. 

 

She was right of course, calling the police would be foolish. Would bring the kind of attention he could ill-afford right now. But she shouldn’t have known that.  _ Couldn’t  _ have known that. 

 

One last ditch attempt. He bent down until his face was level with the window.  Met  her slightly accusatory gaze through the fingerprint smeared glass.

 

“I think you have the wrong person.”

 

“Oh I don’t think I do,  _ Ben Solo. _ Runaway, arsonist, spoiled Hollywood brat.“ She paused for the barest hint of a moment, head tilting consideringly “You look like your dad you know.”

 

He couldn’t help grimacing at that.

 

Her smirk widened a little and he knew his damnable face had given him away again. He’d never been able to stop his emotions flickering across it like newsreel, no matter how hard he tried. And he  _ hated _ being told he looked like his father.

 

“Your parents want you home, for some reason.”

 

She seemed perplexed as to why and on that point at least he agreed with her. Most parents learnt to let their children go eventually but oh no, not  _ his _ parents. Not the Senator and the Actor. They could never let  _ anything  _ go. It probably annoyed them that they no longer had a curly haired boy-child to parade around at premieres and benefits. He’d always hated that--  _ ‘Oh he’s so cute!’ ‘Doesn’t he look like his father, but he’s got your complexion!’ ‘He’s going to be  _ **_such_ ** _ a little ladykiller!’--  _ especially when he’d gotten older, when he hadn’t been so ‘cute’. When he’d gotten gawky and awkward, still expected to smile--‘ _ smile for the cameras! This has got to look good for your mom’s campaign kiddo!’ _ \-- still expected to be the model son. Still never measuring up.

 

He took a deep breath, 

 

“I’m thirty years old, I’m not a child, you can’t…  _ drag  _ me home like I stayed out after curfew.”

 

She was now fishing rancid takeout out of a greasy bag, chewing on the undoubtedly cold and blubbery fries with every sign of enjoyment. He felt a slight wave of nausea curl around his stomach.

 

“I could. Probably. I’d prefer not to, I think they want you to come yourself. Act like a grown-up, after-all you  _ are  _ thirty years old.” 

 

The way she had said ‘thirty’ made it sound like she was actually saying ‘ninety’. For a moment he wondered how old she was, probably not the teenager he’d taken her for initially. Even his parents were unlikely to hire someone in high school to play detective for them, this wasn’t ‘Nancy Drew’. 

 

“Well, _ nearly _ thirty anyway--” she popped open the glove compartment and fished around until she produced a photocopy-blurry piece of paper “-- your birth certificate says you’re twenty nine until next month.”

 

“My parents can’t dictate what I do with my life, I suggest you go back and tell them that. And that any attempt they might make to come here themselves would be...ill-judged in the extreme.”

 

Her frown deepened and she leant forward, until her nose was practically pressed against the glass separating them.  For a moment he had the wild hope that she might understand, that she’d somehow realise bringing his parents into this situation was something that just couldn’t happen. 

 

“Call your mother. I won’t tell them where you are but only if you make contact, do the _ right  _ thing.”

 

The right thing. How utterly sanctimonious. 

 

“Move this car, tonight. Leave. While you still can.”

 

It was meant to sound threatening but it sounded more like he was pleading with her and he felt an intense burst of self-loathing settle in his stomach. If he couldn’t even intimidate this girl, how would he ever succeed in his job? Hux would have a field-day if he ever found out. 

 

And she didn’t look the least bit intimidated, casually scrunching up her old fast food bag and throwing it into the back seat.

 

“I don’t think so. I think I’ll stay  _ right here _ , unless you call your parents. Have a nice evening.”

 

The window whirred the rest of the way up with an air of finality and he was left staring at his own reflection in the smudged glass.

  
This...this was not good. 


	3. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a new partner in crime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright :-)

 

“Hey - which of these do you like better?” Rey hoisted the pictures into the air, glossy A4 photos of Kylo’s face flapping in the breeze in glorious technicolour. “I think this first one has better lighting, but this one? It just so _perfectly_ captures your sullen charm.”

 

She’d found a 24hr Kinkos whilst cruising for her breakfast. It meant she couldn’t afford hashbrowns with her egg mcmuffin but it was more than worth it for the look on his face as he slunk his way out of the apartment building. Priceless.

 

It’d been a week since she’d started staking him out, three days since he’d rumbled her, and he had still yet to make good on his threat of having her arrested. A threat that would have been way more impressive if his ears didn’t turn pink when he was flustered. That reaction alone was just as delicious as any breakfast food.

 

She’d known he wouldn’t do it, obviously used to intimidating people into leaving him alone. For all his blustering and window-hitting, no one went to the lengths he had to get off the grid to jeopardize it all by bringing in the cops. No, the police were out, but so, apparently, was talking to her. His new plan seemed to revolve around ignoring her until she went away.

 

Challenge accepted.

 

“C’mon Benny, I need to know which one to send your parents.” She peered at them critically as he shouldered past her, his face locked in its usual perpetual grimace. “Really, I value your opinion.”

 

Kylo Ren was a walking scowl in a black coat. She could practically hear his teeth grinding as she followed him towards the parking structure, having to jog to keep up with his long legged gait as he looked determinedly at anything but her.

 

“Well if you’re not going to choose I’m just going to go with this one. The frown really brings out the colour of your eyes.” She watched pale, long-fingered hands clench and unclench at his sides, convinced at any second steam would start pouring from his ears.  “Y’know I bet they’ll put it on the fridge and everything. Speaking of, how were your parents when you talked to them?”

 

He hesitated for a split second, as if seeing an out. “They were fine.” His voice tight with restrained contempt. “So you can leave now.”

 

“BZZT! Trick question, because I _know_ you haven’t spoken to your parents. Reconsidered that yet? I have the number if you’ve forgotten.”

 

“If you’re so into family,” He stopped so suddenly she almost ran into him, pulling herself back at the last second to keep herself from ploughing him into the sidewalk. Well, more realistically, keeping herself from falling flat on her backside.  “ _Why don’t you go back to yours_.”

 

She flinched without meaning too. _Good question._

 

“Hey, we’re not talking about me here.” She bounced back quickly, plastering a wide grin on her face and waving the photos airily. “Don’t start deflecting, I feel like we’re finally connecting here.”

 

He moved so quickly she didn’t have time react, snatching the pictures from her and crumpling them into a ball.

 

“Problem solved.” He tossed them unceremoniously into the road. For one slightly-suicidal moment she considered dashing out after them, before common sense took hold again. Dying over candid photographs was not how she planned to go.

 

“Woah - they cost me five bucks asshole!” She felt her face heat up, startled by his sudden movement after so many days of him studiously ignoring her. “Also - littering!”

 

“Put it on your expenses.” He sneered, turning roughly away from her again. “And leave me alone.”

 

“Not likely now, buddy. You’re stuck with me.” Letting him disappear into the parking structure she headed for her car, time to follow him to the office and sit outside the glowing white facade of SnokeCorp for seven hours until he came home again. Her phone buzzed as she turned the key.

 

_Need to see you at the apartment. It’s urgent. xx_

 

“Or not.”

 

-

 

“Dameron,” She eyed him warily, he was waiting outside the front of the crumbling brick apartment building with a sleeve of iced coffees in one hand and BB’s leash in the other. “You said it was an emergency. Why do you have coffee?”

 

He grinned, sunlight flashing equally off his aviators and colgate-worthy smile. Even in their dingy part of the neighbourhood he looked like he’d just jumped off the cover of GQ, transforming the suburban squalor into urban edginess just by virtue of being there. Not even the neon-pink, nineties throwback messenger bag he was carrying could ruin the look.

 

BB yapped happily at her from his feet, a particularly jaunty scarf wrapped around her neck. Rey was almost surprised Poe hadn’t bought her matching shades yet.

 

“I got you a frappuccino with extra whipped cream, you deserve it babe.” He handed it over with a twinkle, “Thanks so much for driving out here to meet me by the way, the Speeder looks like she’s running great, you’ve been putting some work in on the engine again huh? Also have you done something to your hair? It. Is. _Stunning_.” His eyebrows quirked in the ultimate smoulder as he hit her with the full force of his charm. It was a little like being smiled at by the sun. The very sexy sun.

 

She felt her mouth twitching even as she tried to glare at him, accepting the frappuccino cautiously. She knew his game. “Alright, What do you want?”

 

“I don’t know what you mean.” He gasped, grasping at his heart and feigning offense for exactly 0.01 seconds. “But since you mentioned it-” He dumped the messenger bag in her arms, followed seconds later by a very wiggly corgi. “Me and Finn have to go out of town for a few days, we won’t be long, promise. All her stuffs in the bag, remember she needs walkies twice daily and no dairy. Love you Beebles, say bye bye to daddy! You too Rey! Laters!”

 

“Wha-” She blinked stupidly after him as he ran for the hills, BB struggling to lick her face as she wriggled about in her arms. He paused at the corner, waving at her with a grin.“Hey - Wait! NOT COOL BRO! Not-” BB succeeded in her mission, slobbering all over her cheek. “Gah! Not cool either, Beebs.”

 

Righting the slobbery orange monster, Rey sighed.

 

“C’mon then, fuzzball.” Dropping BB into the passenger seat she threw the bag of doggy accessories into the back of the car and started the engine. “Looks like we’re having a girl’s weekend.”

 

-

 

“So... what do you want to do now?” Rey pulled the car up in front of Ren’s apartment, there was no point heading to SnokeHQ this late in the day, not with the traffic around the Hub. By the time she made it into the heart of the city it would be time to turn around again, and she still might end up missing him. “We’ve got a whoooole hour before the dork knight comes back.”

 

BB-8 yapped from her seat, pawing at her happily as Rey reached across to unfasten her seatbelt.

 

“What’s that? Ren? Nah he’s still a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a giant black scarf and followed everywhere by a cloud of gloom.” She scratched her new partner in crime between the ears and earned the wiggliest butt shake in response. “All I’ve learnt this week is that he doesn’t have a social life, he won’t talk to his parents and, oh yeah, he’s kind of a dick.”

 

Yap Yap. Wiggle.

 

“I know right?” Rey sighed, flopping her head back against the seat. “I feel like if I could just look inside his head for just a minute I’d be able to understand. Why is he so against his parents? Like, he _has_ parents for a start, but he’s just determined to be a complete ass to them.” Looking over at the little dog she frowned. “What was that?”

 

Wiggle wiggle. Bark.

 

“Break into his apartment?” Rey gave her best scandalized gasp, covering her mouth with one hand and waving a finger at her fluffy companion with the other. “No, Beebs, that would be- that would be a _gross_ invasion of privacy. Not to mention _totally_ illegal.”

 

BB-8 hurled herself across the console into her lap, a stone and a half worth of over-excited corgi landing bang in her lap.

 

“Beebles! You are incorrigible.” Grinning she ruffled her hair, reaching blindly behind her for the leash. “Okay, Fine! But if the police catch us, I’m pinning this on you.”

 

-

 

Getting into the building was inexcusably easy for a guy as paranoid as Ren. She didn’t even need to hack the intercom, one of his neighbours willingly held the door open for her. She gave her best ‘I totally belong here smile’ and mosied on up to Apartment 3b, BB trotting happily beside her. Something about the presence of a dog made anyone look like they belonged.

 

His apartment lock was slightly more of a challenge. She leant casually against the door, instructing BB to watch the exits (although not expecting her to be much use) as she unrolled her little black set of lockpicks. It had been ages since she’d got a chance to use them, but it was like falling off a log.

 

“Gee,” she let out a breath as the door finally swung open, BB running ahead of her into the room, “homey.”

 

Kylo Ren lived in a world of monochrome. Grey walls, black furniture, for a moment she thought she’d stepped into an old movie. But, despite the lack of colour, there was nothing old fashioned about his decorating taste. It was a triumph of modern minimalism, all straight edges and sharp corners. The only splash of colour came from the very expensive and obviously custom built computer set-up that took up almost an entire wall. A mass of black and silver machinery, all backlit with bright red LEDs.

 

She sucked in a breath, fighting the urge to immediately throw herself into the leather computer chair and dive head first into his hard drive.

 

It was an amazing set up.

 

But she didn’t have time for it. Especially since BB, obviously excited at her new life of crime, had rushed head-first away from her through the archway that separated the main room from his bed. The corgi hurled herself upwards, stubby legs powering her up onto the crisp black cotton sheets, lying belly-up and waving her paws in delight.

 

“Oi! Get down from there-” She hesitated on the threshold, a sudden ridiculous heat rising in her face as she looked over his perfectly made bed. “Fine - stay there. But we’re leaving in three minutes.”

 

Turning away she shook the sudden flush of embarrassment from her face, she had broken in for a reason after all. It was time to get to know Mr Ren just a little bit better.

 

There were no photos. That’s the first thing she noticed. No pictures, posters or personal trinkets of any kind. It was messy in the cleanest way imaginable, his laundry basket still sitting on the sideboard but the clothes inside neatly folded. Junk mail piled up by the door, but carefully stacked nevertheless.

 

It was almost like a very fancy hotel. Impersonal. Clinical. Lonely. Compared to the living chaos that was her apartment (before she was evicted that was) or the shoe-box sized mess of Finn’s it was practically empty. She felt an unexpected pang of sympathy for him.

 

It was like the first few places she’d stayed in as a child, the ‘homes’ where they’d told her she wouldn’t be staying long enough to bother unpacking. She ran a hand over the empty mantlepiece and sighed, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

 

“Come on BB.” Hearing the change in Rey’s voice the dog finally scrambled to comply, stomping heavily across the floor for such a small creature.

 

She had her hand on the door when something finally caught her eye. A piece of scrunched up yellow paper that hadn’t quite made it into the wastebasket.

 

“So crumpling stuff up is a habit of yours then is it?” She muttered, retrieving the ball of paper and carefully smoothing it out. It was a memo from someone called Hux.  And it was _not_ kind. “Mr Ren, blah blah blah,” She read, scanning quickly over the official looking document, “final reminder that all actions that run counter to Mr Snoke's vision will be dealt with in a most severe and final manner.” She wrinkled her nose.

 

“Did you see this Beebs?”  She held the paper out for a second to the Corgi before re-scrunching it and she dropping it back into place. “Apparently there is a bigger ass than Kylo Ren in the universe, who knew?”

 

Her phone started beeping, the alarm reminding her that the flats rightful occupant was only moments away from returning home. Her heart rate picked up as she took a last lingering look at the strange, empty apartment before heading for the door. “Time to go, Beebs.”

 

She darted back just long enough to move the regimentally placed coffee cup on his desk two inches to the left. That would mess with his head for sure.

 

“Okay now we’re really going.”


	4. Turnabout Is Fair Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is going slowly mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie

Something was wrong.

 

Kylo Ren wasn’t quite sure what it was but something just felt… _ off _ about his apartment lately. Little things like when at his desk he reached out for his coffee mug he always seemed to knock it over, or how no matter how much mail he added to his junk mail stack the same family counselling envelope always seemed to be on the top. Strange ginger hairs kept appearing in his carpet and bed. Which was extremely odd given the only ginger person he knew was Hux and  _ he _ had certainly never been to this apartment. Maybe Hux was going bald and he had just somehow managed to pick up some of the hair the little cretin was shedding. That was a cheering thought but still not enough to put him at ease over the strangeness in his apartment.

 

Also he seemed to be constantly out of apples.

 

It was probably nothing.

 

Maybe it was just the cold he seemed to be developing, nothing felt quite right when your nose was constantly running and your sinuses felt like someone had stuffed them with cotton wool. His eyes were continually watering, swollen, itchy. It was driving him to distraction.

 

And, given that he had yet to finalise the acquisition of the information Mr Snoke wanted, today was likely to be yet another in a long line of difficult days at work.

 

His own personal shadow appeared right on cue as he stepped out of the door, fishing doughnuts out of a bakery bag. It was a wonder she hadn’t keeled over already, with the diet she apparently had.

 

“Morning! How’s my favourite cloud of doom and gloom today?”

 

He caught the reply that formed before he could vocalise it. It was getting difficult not to reply to her inane chatter, somewhere along the line he’d picked up the habit of answering her in his head. If he’d answered her it today it would’ve been-

 

_ ‘Awful, I think I’m going slowly mad. And I have to go and work with the most obsequious human being alive who is under the mistaken impression he’s my superior. And when I get home, there you’ll be yet again, trailing after me like a lost whining puppy. And somehow that’s still the least annoying part of my day.’ _

 

“That good huh?” she answered, making him almost jump. She had an unnerving tendency to seem like she was answering his unspoken replies. If he’d believed in such nonsense he might have thought she was some kind of psychic.

 

A shrivelled up old lady who he recognised vaguely as someone who lived in his building crossed their path, greeting the girl warmly and favouring him with a cheerful nod. That was new. Normally people in his building were just as happy to ignore him as he was them. The girl was answering back cheerfully, in between shovelling doughnuts into her face.

 

He wanted to ask how she knew anyone in his building. He also wanted to ask why no one had ever taught her to chew with her mouth closed.

 

Instead he settled for glaring at her as she kept pace with him, stuffing the last doughnut into her mouth and leaving a smear of powdered sugar on her upper lip.

 

“That’s Maz Kanata, she’s your downstairs neighbour. You know her? She’s totally awesome, she used to run an underground bar in the 20’s apparently—”

 

They were drawing level with her ridiculously battered car now, usually the point where she would peel away from him so that she could tail him to his office and then sleep in her car while he got on with  _ actua _ l work. He’d seen her from the break room window several times, feet propped up on the dashboard, head thrown back, mouth wide open. Probably snoring though it was difficult to tell from that distance.

 

“—kinda makes me wonder how old she is! I mean she has to have been at least eighteen to run a bar right? Though if it was illegal I guess age doesn’t matter too much—”

The sugar was still there, a powdered smudge just above her lips that she was making absolutely no effort to get rid of. It was annoying him. Even if her car looked like a refuse site and she chewed with her mouth open at least she normally kept her personal appearance at least somewhat neat.

 

Giving in, he fished a clean tissue out of his pocket and roughly wiped the powder from her face.

It occurred to him a split second later that giving her the tissue to do it herself might have been the better thing to do. The more socially acceptable thing to do. Particularly since she was now staring at him in something that looked vaguely akin to horror.

 

“You had—“ he gestured to his own face “—there was—“

 

He could feel the tips of ears starting to burn with embarrassment.

 

“Stop eating like an eleven year old!” he finally burst out, the silence making him more uncomfortable than even her foolish chatter normally managed too.

 

She blinked at him, then fumbled around in her pocket and brought out an apple. It looked very similar to the ones he liked, red skinned and crisp.

 

“I don’t always eat junk food,” she offered “I like fruit. It’s just expensive a lot of the time.”

 

A  little niggling doubt flared at the back of his mind. Surely she wouldn’t have—

 

Something brown and furry threw itself against her car window, barking frenetically, making him almost jump out of his skin. The girl didn’t bat an eyelid. “Oh that’s BB, don’t mind her. She’s basically a teddy bear.”

 

Ren eyed the thing slobbering all over the window with trepidation. He had too much experience with people who liked to say ‘oh he’s such a softy’ ‘he wouldn’t hurt a fly!’ about their beasts that would take someone’s hand off given half a chance. Besides he already had a cold, he didn’t want to add in his allergies on top of that.

 

“Keep it away from me, I’m allergic.”

 

Something oddly guilty flashed across her face for a second before disappearing. Maybe she was just surprised he was still talking to her. He was a little surprised about that himself.

 

The dog let out a series of whiny barks, as if it wanted to be part of the conversation as well and scraped at the window.

 

“BB! Sssssh, be a good girl!”

 

It sat back on its haunches and cocked its head. A long runner of drool dangled momentarily from its mouth before plopping down onto the seat. Ren shuddered before turning away. All this was making him late.

 

“Have a good day at work!” she called after him, infuriatingly cheerful.

 

 

 

For some completely unfathomable reason, the fact the girl followed him to work tended to distract him.  Ren was willing to bet she was out there now, napping while he toiled away. While his parents  _ paid her _ . It was galling. 

Between that and the fact Hux kept barging into his office unannounced it was a wonder he got any work done at all.

 

“You need to acquire those files before Monday, Ren.” The little sycophant was telling him now. As if he didn’t know. As if he were  _ completely _ in the dark about their deadlines. He was willing to bet he’d known before Hux, Mr Snoke didn’t involve the  _ personnel manager _ in everything. Because that’s all Hux was really, a glorified manager.

 

“I’m minimising the impact, if we change the outcomes without putting in place damage control then—“

 

Hux rudely cut him off.

 

“You know how Mr Snoke feels about compassion, Ren. Put a lid on your softer impulses or find somewhere more fitting to work.” He slammed the files down on the desk “Like a kindergarten maybe, or a petting zoo.”

 

“Fine.”

 

It was harder to cover up the ripples if you didn’t do damage control initially, it was more likely people would notice and connect something back to Mr Snoke. But what did Hux care about the process? His idiotic little mind probably couldn’t even comprehend how many things Ren was currently balancing. The little cretin just wanted the job done quickly, not well.

 

Well the people whose bank accounts would undoubtedly be obliterated would simply have to blame Hux’s insidious micro-managing for their fate. It wasn’t his problem.

 

 

 

The girl was awake when he pushed the polished chrome and glass door of SnokeCorp open at five, sitting out on her bonnet, swinging her legs, the slobbering pile of fluff splayed out on her lap. Had the audacity to wave at him, making some of his co-workers look over at her curiously. Probably rightly wondering why someone like him would associate with someone who clearly lived in such a piece of junk and hauled around a drooling, yapping ball of fluff.

He violently sneezed.

 

If only she didn’t have the dog, it was clear it was just adding to his sinus problems. The only time he’d been this bad was when his father had tried to buy him a puppy and—

 

Suddenly it all clicked into place. The apples. The  _ dog. _

 

He felt like a complete idiot.

 

“You’ve been in my apartment. You and that, that  _ thing _ have been in my apartment without my permission!”

 

The look she levelled at him was so perfectly innocent it could only be fake. The dribbling beast in her lap cocked its head to the side and whined, as if it too thought it was being falsely accused.

 

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. You really should see someone about that paranoia, Ben.”

 

 

One of the things the world in general didn’t know about the wonderful Han Solo, actor extraordinaire, was that he had once in his youth been little more than a petty crook. His father might not see it quite in those terms of course, he’d seen it as ‘doing what he had to do to get by’. When he’d used to get drunk and nostalgic he’d talk about it. If he was  _ really  _ drunk then he’d teach Ren things… ‘For emergencies only’ of course and always followed with a sharp ‘Don’t tell your mother!’. Really, if his parents continued to incessantly harass him maybe he’d just leak that little tidbit to the gossip magazines, send both their careers tanking before they could so much as blink.

 

Old cars like hers were actually exceptionally easy to break into. All he had to do was wait for her to go and take the drooling ball of fur for a walk and within a minute he’d managed to get the lock open. He would’ve expected a private investigator to be more safety conscious really.

 

Ren pulled open the door and drifts of fast food wrappers fell out onto his feet. With a grimace of disgust he tried to kick them back in without having to touch them with his hands. They had been joined by a pile of apple cores— _ his apples _ — mouldering quietly in a grocery bag. The whole set-up was vastly unhygienic even without the addition of the generously distributed piles of dog hair that were clinging to the seats.

 

He could already feel a sneeze building up.

 

It galled him he hadn’t realised that earlier, the dog hair, it should have been so obvious but somehow he’d thought she was going to be law-abiding. That some things would be off-limits to her. It made him wonder how she’d found him the first place, if that had been entirely legal. If it hadn’t then that might be something he could use.

Her phone was lying on the passenger seat.

 

Well turnabout was fair play. He picked it up, feeling only the slightest twinge of guilt. Knowledge was power and right now she knew far more about him than he did about her.

But before he could even consider how to start cracking it a cheerful tune started to ring out and a photo of a man flashed up. Smiling, handsome, definitely older than his stalker.

 

Ignore his better judgement he swiped at the button that answered it.

 

“Heeey! How’s my favourite girl doing? She being good?” The voice was rich, self-confident, it annoyed him immediately.

“She’s not here.” He resisted the urge to inform the caller that talking about someone in the third person was strange and derogatory.

 

“…who is this?”

 

“None of your business. Who’s  _ this _ ?”

 

It came out angrier than he’d initially intended it.

 

“Well given I’m calling my friends phone, I really don’t think I need to answer that. Where’s Rey? Put her on.”

 

Rey. Well if he’d got nothing else out of this, he had her name. There couldn’t be too many private investigators called Rey.

 

“She’s busy right now.”

 

“…so what’s the deal? Why’re you answering her phone? Is she in the shower or something? Or do you mean…  _ busy _ ?”

 

The other voice dripped with inappropriately amused innuendo.

 

“No!”

 

It took him a moment to recover his composure enough to reply properly.

 

“She’s out. She’ll call you when she gets back.”

 

“Okay, why don’t you just tell her that her favourite debonair playboy-slash-hotshot pilot-slash underwear model called to say he’s been unavoidably detained in Yarvin. So I can’t pick BB up tonight, she’ll have to hold onto her for a little while longer—“

 

“—the corgi is yours? —“

  
“—okay then, thanks a million, bye!”


	5. Hot Damn(eron)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BB's baby daddy returns.  
> Things between Rey and Ren get awkward(er).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright :-)

 

 

“C’mon Dameron.” They’d agreed Thursday at eight. It was Thursday, and it was _way_ past eight. BB seemed to sense her worry, whining in the seat next to her as they idled outside of the apartment. The street lights flickered on as they waited. “Not that I don’t love you Beebles, but I wish your absentee father would show up already.”

 

BB snuffled.

 

“Noooo, don’t worry! Just because my absentee father left me to never be seen again doesn’t mean yours will.” She scratched her companion under the chin, sweeping the block again for any sign of her missing friends. “Poe wouldn’t play you like that, baby.”

 

It would’ve been easier to wait if her mind didn’t seem to be so focused on replaying her weird interaction with Captain Grumpy earlier. Talk about awkward. She was glad he’d finally broken his silence, that had been getting annoying, but the sudden strange touching? Weird. She felt her face warming at the remembrance of his strangely gentle touch. Shaking it off roughly she reached across the car for her phone.

 

“That’s it, Beebs. I’m calling your father.” Gently shoving the dog out of the way she started to dig through the mess of the passenger seat. She’d left it under her jacket earlier she was sure. BB took the opportunity to jump straight into her face, giving her a mouth full of fur. She coughed, pulling back as a little pang of guilt hitting her.

 

“How was I supposed to know he’s allergic to dogs?” She grumbled, remembering Ren’s hilarious pink nose over the past few days. Scouring the seat, she dropped to the floor to  search underneath it. “I thought his only allergy was to fun.”

 

Ten minutes fumbling in the seatwell and all she’d discovered was that she really, _really_ needed to clean her car.

 

“Ugh where is it Beebles?”

 

Pulling herself upright she wriggled her way into the back seat, throwing her blankets aside and finding a half eaten pretzel she’d forgotten about. Chewing on it she searched through her backpack. Then under her backpack, around it, even in the trunk.

 

Her phone was gone, completely gone.

 

“Mother-truckers.” Hurling herself down on the backseat she pounded her fist into the leather. BB yapped, scrabbling to join her. “I don’t know! It’s just gone! Ugh. We’ll just wait okay? And then if Dameron doesn’t show up by morning we’ll call him from a payphone or something.” Yap yap. “Yes they still exist.” Yap. “I think.”

 

-

 

Pay phones did still exist.

But it still took her four hours to find one when the sun finally rose. She’d briefly considered going to find Ren at around hour three, her patience wearing thin as she drove in circles around the City market, she could catch him outside SnokeCorp HQ and ask him if she could borrow his phone. She quickly put the kibosh on that, he’d probably just scowl at her. Or mock her for losing hers.

Frowning at the ancient contraption she punched in Poe’s number from memory, tapping her foot impatiently as it rang and rang.

 

“Hel-” He answered at last. She didn’t give him a chance to finish the word.

 

“Poe Dameron. Where the everloving fuck are you?! I waited all night for you!”

 

“Rey babe -” his voice sounded like it was coming through a cheese grater, half white noise as the connection stuttered and fritzed.“ I’ve been tr-zzt call you-zzt morning!.”

“What? Hello Poe? I lost my phone - WHERE ARE YOU?” She tightened her grip, the plastic groaning in her hand as she tried to get through to him. She dreaded how many germs she was picking up from the out-dated thing. She’d probably need a tetanus shot or seven by the time the conversation was done.

 

“Huh Rzzt-? We’re at -zzt- apartment - bzzt fttz - come over - zzt zzt tsch- signal”

 

Slamming the phone down she kicked the battered plexiglass wall, letting loose a string of swears that would make the hardiest smuggler blush and drawing the attention of more than a few passers by. Glaring at them all she stomped back to the car. Of course he was back at the apartment.

 

The journey took half the usual time, owing in part to the three stop signs Rey ignored and the one almost-red-light she was suddenly colour blind at. Poe answered the door before she’d even raised her fist to knock.

 

“Baby Girl!” He shouted, blowing right past her to throw himself to the ground in front of his apoplectically happy dog. Rolling around on the stained carpet with her.  “Oh did you miss me? Did you miss your daddy? Yes, I missed you so much! Yesss I missed your itty bitty face!”

 

Rey cleared her throat. Quirking an eyebrow at the wiggly pile of nonsense going on at her feet.

 

“Oh hey Rey! Didn’t see you there!” He beamed, his face still being vigorously licked by BB.

 

“Get up idiot.” Rey rolled her eyes, smiling even as she tried to frown at him. He scrabbled to comply, almost as excitable as his dog.

 

“Aww did you miss me too?” He asked in his stupid dog voice, seizing her in a bone crushing hug, the corgi sandwiched between them.  “I missed you! My precious angry mountainflower!”

 

“Gah - gerroff!” She fought her way loose, unable to keep from laughing as she followed him into the apartment. “Do that again and I break your arms. Try flying your fancy fighter jets then.”

 

“Don’t be mad! We brought you muffins!” He threw one to her, “Finn had to go to work but he sends his love.”

 

She caught it one handedly, stuffing it instantly into her mouth. Poe’s adoptive mother made the best muffins.

 

“Sooo… how come your _boyfriend_ didn’t give you the message yesterday?” Poe’s voice dropped to the register he usually reserved for making grown adults swoon. Eyebrows dancing like mad caterpillars above his twinkling eyes as he dug around the kitchen for a soda. “Oh yeah. Don’t think we’re not talking about this.”

 

“Boyfrensh?” She wrinkled her nose, talking through a full mouthful of delicious blueberry baked goods. “Hve y’bin breathshen engin’ fumesh ‘gain?”

 

“You are so elegant.” He smirked, sliding a coke across the counter to her and watching her drain it in a half second. “I’m talking of course, about the grumpy young man that answered your phone yesterday?”

 

The eyebrows were at it again.

 

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about Dameron,” She shrugged, reaching for another muffin. “The only guy that I’ve even spent more than five minutes recently is my current mark, and he’s definitely not boyfriend material. I’ve been stalking him for weeks and he’s actually a total pain in the...” The words trailed off as a thought struck her. One that did not sit well at all.   _He wouldn’t have._ The muffin fell from her hand.

 

“Rey?” Poe’s brow furrowed in concern. Rey didn’t drop baked goods for love nor money.

 

“Sorry Poe, I have to go.” She shouldered her bag, anger etching itself into her features as she turned hut and waved a half goodbye to the man and his dog. “I have to go and murder someone.”

 

“Rey-” He called after her as she power walked down the hallway, “Try not to get caught! Call me if you need bail money!”

  


The drizzle that started when she left the apartment had become a downpour by the time she finally made it back to Ren’s, seconds before he was due himself. The rain was falling so hard she almost missed him when he came stomping out of the parking garage with his hood pulled up. She slammed the car door shut, hard, hurling herself into his path without so much as a jacket to protect her from the deluge. Not that she cared. The driving wind meant she wouldn’t be dry even if she was wearing an anorak. From the way he leapt back as she jumped out in front of him, he hadn’t noticed her either.

 

“You!” She stabbed a finger in his startled face, his dark eyes flying wide at her sudden interruption.

 

“Are you _mad_?” He stumbled back, eyeing her with alarm.  “Why are you standing out here in the rain?”

 

“You.” She repeated, unsure if it was the cold or anger that was making her hand shake as she jabbed at him again, finger driving into the thick pile of his scarf. “You stole my phone!”

 

He blanched for a split second, something like guilt dancing across his face before the expression vanished and he was shrugging casually at her.

“You stole my apples.” He brushed past her, buzzing open the building’s front door.

 

“Yes. Apples. Not an _APPLE_ phone!” She shouted, rushing forward to duck under his arm and into the dry foyer. Aware that she looked more like a drowned rat than a serious human being, not caring in the slightest.

 

“Well, you shouldn’t have broken into my apartment. Especially not with that - that _dog_.” He said the word like it was the worst sort of swear, lip drawing up in a sneer. “I could have died.”

 

It was unfair. Men shouldn’t have lips like that. All full and pouty and… and stupid. Yeah. He had stupid face. And she was angry with him.

 

“Oh don’t be such a drama queen.” She scowled, face pinkening as her stomach twinged with guilt. “I didn’t know! And still - it’s not an excuse for stealing my phone! Why didn’t you tell me Poe had called? It was important damn it.”

“I’m not your answering service, Rey.” His eyes narrowed, pushing past her again to storm up the stairs.

 

She stayed there for a second, stunned. He’d never said her name before, she didn’t even think he knew it. Mind reconnecting she chased after him, having to run to keep up with his ridiculously long legs.

 

“Wait - You know my name?”

 

“Obviously.” He muttered as they turned into the second floor landing.

 

“But-” She was running out of breath as they hit the next set of steps. “-how d’you- ?”

 

He slowed down at last. Sighing as he turned back with an oddly flustered look, the stairs must have been affecting him too.

.

“Can we fight upstairs please?” He rubbed a hand over his face and she noticed for the first time how damp he’d managed to get on the way in, the rain plastering his dark hair against his forehead. It made him look younger somehow, almost vulnerable.

 

“Oh-kay.” She nodded, suddenly unsure of herself as they made the rest of the journey in silence. Her anger half-forgotten somewhere below in the foyer.

 

“Make yourself at home” He grumbled sarcastically as he unlocked the door, leaving it open behind him “No doubt you already have.”

 

She had the good grace to feel a little ashamed as she crossed the threshold, pulling the door too behind her. This might not have been her first visit by a long shot, but it was definitely the first time she’d actually been invited in. He disappeared into the airing cupboard for a moment, returning with two of his standard-issue plain black towels. He tossed one to her without meeting her eye.

 

“Thanks - Kylo.” She stumbled over the name, the syllables strangely foreign on her tongue. She’d only ever called him things to annoy him.

 

He looked up at her sharply and she almost imagined she saw a softening to his features, something oddly raw flickering behind his gaze. It was gone as soon as she saw it. “Ren’s fine.” He shrugged, turning away to hang up his coat. “Most people call me Ren.”

 

“Oh, okay. Thanks then, Ren.” Realizing just how awkward she sounded she fought the urge to stuff her entire fist into her mouth just to shut herself up. There was a strange new tension hanging in the air, it made her antsy. Ripping out the band that held her messy bun in place she towelled her hair off more violently than strictly necessary, possessing all the grace of a wet dog.

 

“I suppose you know all about this place then?” He asked suddenly, she looked up in surprise. He was watching her, eyes darting away as their gazes met. “It’s not much I suppose.”

 

“Huh? No - it’s,” She looked around the monochrome apartment, “very modern.”

 

He smirked at that, “You don’t like it.”

 

“I never said that!” She started defensively before ducking her head, her mouth twitched and she threw the towel back at him. Hard. He caught it without trouble. “I just think maybe you could use a splash of colour.”

 

“Colour?” He raised an eyebrow, daring at her to continue as he leant back against the doorframe. She found herself grinning wryly, propping herself against the kitchen counter at the challenge.

 

“Y’know,” She motioned airily at the apartment. “Maybe some flowers on the sideboard. A coupla nice throw pillows.”

 

“Really?” His lips twitched in the closest thing to a real smile she’d ever seen on him, “ _Throw pillows?”_

 

“Yeah! It’d look great - The place I used to live in with Poe was like half this size and let me tell you, the little details made the world of difference. Who cares if you’re living in a supply closet when you have an accent rug and some floral detailing!” The expression seemed to falter on his face for a moment as she grabbed an apple from the bowl, she held it up with a laugh. “Sorry, force of habit.”

 

“So you-” He paused, looking away suddenly. “Live with him then?”

“Oh not any more, he went off and joined the flight academy and I got my own place. I mean I stay in his new place sometimes but it’s not like the old days.” She scrunched up her nose at the thought, biting into the crisp red shell.

 

He froze, mouthing opening to say something before biting shut again. She tilted her head at the sudden change in his demeanour, wondering if the apple really had that much affect.

 

“Oh.” He abruptly turned, scrubbing a hand through his still-damp hair and almost angrily stuffing the towels into his otherwise perfectly organized laundry basket. “You must have been very young when you moved in with him.”

 

She laughed awkwardly, uncomfortable with the sudden shift in mood. She was in danger of getting whiplash they were cycling through them so quickly. “Oh yeah, I was barely fifteen, we totally had to lie on the lease agreement.”

 

Why he was so unexpectedly so interested in Poe was beyond her, she’d been bunking up with one or the other of that group since she’d escaped the foster system. Either Kylo Ren was the some kind of ninja and had slipped right under her gaydar to fall for Dameron’s suave charm over the phone alone, which wasn't unheard of, or, more likely, Poe had said something so toe-curlingly embarrassing about her he now couldn’t look at her straight. Knowing Poe it would be bad. Her blood ran cold as she replayed her conversation with him earlier, when he kept joking about Ren being her boyfriend. It would be just his kind of thing to say to a complete stranger over the phone.

 

No wonder Ren was acting so strangely.

 

“So uh -” She bit down on her lip, shooting for nonchalance as she tried to regain her composure. “About that call earlier… Poe didn’t say anything… weird did he?”

 

“Weird?”

 

“Y’know… anything, boyfriend-related? That kind of—” she held her breath as the awkwardness threatened to drown her, “—weirdness? Because Poe, he just opens his mouth and stuffs his foot right in there. He’s known for it really. Says a lot of stuff he should just keep to himself.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Ren jerked a shoulder in a half shrug, gaze fixed once more on the carpet next to his desk. “Your personal life is really none of my concern.”

 

“Oh.” For a moment she felt almost deflated, his sudden disinterest cutting her more than it should have.

 

He straightened up so suddenly she jumped, banging her shins against the chrome edge of the counter. “Well, you’re dry now, so you can leave.”

 

Her eyebrows jerked up, mouth falling open at the curt dismissal. His words brought her crashing back to reality, for a moment she’d almost forgotten he was her mark. She’d started to think of him as some kind of odd, awkward friend. Boy was she wrong.

 

Hackles rising she tipped her chin in the air. “Fine.”

 

She stormed across the room, pausing at the door to throw her dirtiest look at him. “My phone. You haven’t returned it to me.”

 

He stared at her in confusion for a second before jerking to attention, pulling open his sensible black messenger bag and retrieving it without comment. He covered the distance between them in three strides, tall frame eating up the space until suddenly he was standing right next to her. She sucked in a breath, refusing to break eye contact as he loomed above her, holding out her phone.

 

She took it, their fingers brushing for a split second, a weird frisson of tension passing between them before the anger rushed back in.

 

“Gee thanks.” She snapped, glaring at him for one long moment, before turning her back and marching back down to her car. Fuming the entire way.

 

He was the strangest, most infuriating, _ridiculous_ man she’d ever met. She’d count herself lucky when the case was finally over.

 

Throwing herself into the front seat she sighed, the car felt empty now BB had gone. The rain had stopped at least, although in its absence the air had turned icy. The temperature dropping with the sun. She dragged her jacket from the passenger seat and turned up the heater, if it got any colder they’d be in for snow. She’d always liked snow. It made the world quiet, new somehow. She just wished she could enjoy it from a nice heated apartment, not her beloved but slightly worse for wear car. The engine whined as she cranked the heat up even further.

 

“C’mon baby.” She patted the dashboard affectionately, mind drifting back to her undignified exit from Ren’s apartment.  “don’t you turn on me too.”

 


	6. What Business is it of yours?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's absolutely none of his business. Nope. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie

It appeared as if Rey was avoiding him.

 

For the first time since he’d first realised she was following him, she hadn’t shown up to tail him to his car. He’d even, for some reason,  _ waited _ in front of his apartment building for five minutes. Waited in the cold and the sleet to see if she was going to show up. It was ridiculous and she hadn’t even deigned to stick her head outside of her car.

 

Which just showed she lacked work ethic along with any semblance of good sense. If his parents were paying her to stalk him shouldn’t she at least try to do a thorough job?

 

Maybe she’d gone and gotten herself a motel room, the temperature had dropped quite a bit. It would have been the sensible thing to do, which made to nearly certain that she hadn’t done it.

 

Well it was absolutely none of his business if she froze to death. Just like it was none of his business if she was clearly in a vulnerable position and being manipulated by a much older man. Who she’d been living with since she was fifteen, which was basically a  _ child _ .

 

None of his business.

 

…but if her boyfriend was a pilot, surely he could buy her a decent car. Or better yet a place to live. What kind of responsible adult let their girlfriend live in a clapped-out piece of junk like that? In this kind of weather?

 

For a moment he wished she hadn’t taken her phone back, maybe he would have called her boyfriend and given him a piece of his mind.

 

Wait, no that would be supremely foolish. He shouldn’t get involved.

 

Completely none of his business.

 

“Ren? Have you been listening to a word I’m saying?”

 

Hux’s whiny voice intruded on his thoughts.

 

“Why would I waste my time listening to you?”

 

“You have been neglecting your duties, your work is overdue! You have spent most of the day staring completely blankly at your computer while not even—”

 

Ren stood up abruptly,.

 

“I’m going to the break room.”

 

“What?? Why?”

 

Ignoring Hux he made his way down the hallway to the break room, which was nearly deserted this early in the day. Phasma, the intimidatingly tall woman in charge of the day to day running of personnel, was well-known for thoroughly disapproving of unauthorised coffee breaks. Therefore no one tended to populate the dull, grey room except between the pre-approved times of 10.15 to 10.30 and 3.30 to 3.45. Not a minute earlier, not a minute later.  Which meant there was no one to watch him as he strode over to the window, shoving the blinds aside with a bit more force than could be easily explained. There was no battered red car visible in the parking lot. So Rey had even neglected to follow him to work, that was… slightly worrying actually.

 

But still none of his business. Absolutely, completely, utterly none of his business.

 

Still for some reason he found himself reaching for his coat as soon as he re-entered his office.

 

“I’m ill. I’m taking the day off sick.”

 

The words were out of his mouth before he could think them entirely through. But he  _ had  _ to go and check she hadn’t frozen to death in front of his apartment or he would just continue to be useless for the rest of the day. His ridiculous, persistent parents were the ones who had stuck her there after-all. And if she died in front of his house it would bring all kinds of police and attention he just didn’t need right now.

 

Hux was looking at him as if he’d grown a second head.

 

“You’re not ill, you’re perfectly fine and this information is time-sensitive, we need it today and half the workforce couldn’t get in due to snow and…Ren? REN? Stop walking away from me this instant you jumped-up little… I’ll be telling Mr Snoke about this! Mark my words!”

 

A sudden flare of anger made him kick a wheeled chair as he went past, sending it sailing into Hux’s desk with an almighty crash. The slimy little jerk’s shrieks of outrage followed him all the way to the elevator.

  
  


-

 

It was colder than he’d realised.

 

The sidewalk was icy under his feet, breath fogging in front of his face. He’d neglected to wear appropriate footwear so every step from his car to his apartment block felt like his feet were being stabbed with freezing pins and needles. The deluge was definitively more snow than sleet now. All in all a miserable day to be out in when he could be in his warm office getting on with his work. 

 

Her car appeared in sight as soon as he rounded the corner, the light dusting of snow standing out starkly against it’s bright red paint. He hesitated for a moment. If he’d made a fool out of himself by rushing all the way here in the snow only to find she was just being difficult and avoiding him…

 

Ren grit his teeth and knocked resentfully on the icy door. The coldness of it made his knuckles sting.

 

“Rey, come out.”

 

No answer.

 

“If you’re doing this to  _ mess _ with me, this is a new low point even in your illustrious career of breaking and entering, theft and stalking.”

 

He tugged at the door handle but it refused to open. Completely iced shut. A little thread of panic began to worm its way into his stomach. No, she’d just got iced in, had been unable to open the door, that was all. Idiotic maybe but a minor inconvenience, nothing else. Bracing his foot against the car he tugged again sharply, feeling it give a little.

 

“Rey, this is childish, answer me!”

 

He thumped on the window again, with his whole fist this time, pounding on the iced up glass.

 

“Rey!”

 

Pulling the door handle with as much force as he could manage it finally gave way with an almighty crack, sending Ren spilling back onto the sidewalk with an undignified squawk. He sat up slowly, feeling pain radiating from his backside, the utter indignity of it.

 

He looked up, ready to give her a stern talking to about the stupidity of letting herself get trapped in her car. But the words died on his lips when he saw her, slumped in the front seat, blanket wrapped tightly around her body. Her eyes were closed, sweat beading in her hairline, her breath coming in ragged little pants.

 

_ No. _

 

All his anger disappeared, leaving him cold, and he scrambled to the car.

 

“Rey!”

 

Her eyes flickered open and she attempted a poor imitation of her usual baleful glare. He reached out, pulling the blanket away from her face, not even sure what he was looking for.

 

“I’ve got a cold, g’way.” She muttered, trying to push him away with weak hands.

 

“I think it’s more like hypothermia.” But he wasn’t sure. What were the symptoms?

 

Well first things first, she needed to get out of this cold. Right now. And it didn’t look like she was going to be going anywhere under her own steam.

 

He hooked his arms carefully under her legs and shoulders and heaved her up. The anticipated outraged shriek didn’t occur, instead she murmured something too low to hear and brought one hand up to clutch at the front of his jacket. That… worried him slightly.

 

-

 

Rey appeared to have passed out again on the way up the stairs, her head rolling forward until it was cradled against his shoulder, skin worryingly cold and clammy where it brushed his. She seemed somehow  _ diminished _ without the force of her personality, smaller, more vulnerable. 

 

He hesitated once inside, looking between the couch and the bed.

 

The bed was only correct wasn’t it? The couch was a slick, leather affair that was rather uncomfortable to even sit on but it fit so well with aesthetic of his apartment he just put up with it. But she needed to sleep properly. And the sheets were reasonably clean, he’d changed them yesterday. And she’d probably still be feeling too unwell to kill him straight away when she woke up.

 

With her opinion on the matter when she woke up in mind, he elected not to remove any clothing other than her shoes.

 

_ Why am I doing this? _

 

Her phone was easily locatable in her jacket pocket, it would only take him moments to crack her passcode most likely. He could call the advantage-taking neglectful older boyfriend who would undoubtedly come and take her off his hands, then he could get back to work. Make nice with Hux, well as nice as he ever did and finish up his work. Because, as much as he was loathe to admit it, the ginger cretin was right, the information he needed to get was time sensitive. A day or two might not make much difference but then again it  _ might _ . And Mr Snoke did not like to be let down.

 

Ren fumbled the device out of her pocket as he pulled up the blankets to cover her. Stared at its glowing screen, which displayed absolutely no missed calls.

 

So…yes. Best to call the boyfriend who had nearly let her freeze in that death-trap of a car and let him deal with it. Who apparently wasn’t the slightest bit worried she hadn’t called him for what must be hours now. And for that matter didn’t seem to mind she was tailing another man, some unknown quantity who could very well be dangerous to her. Not that he  _ was _ , but he could be,  _ theoretically _ .

 

Rey made a small injured sound and rolled over in the bed, clutching the pillow. She looked deathly pale against his black sheets, the greyish sheen to her skin decidedly unhealthy. Something seemed to catch painfully in his chest at the sight of her.

 

He let his grip loosen on the phone until it clattered to floor, bouncing its way under the bed.

 

_ Oh. What a shame. _

 

Well clearly it had gone too far under for him to reach it and he’d have to disturb Rey in order to move the bed. Nothing for it but for her to stay here.

  
_ …and it will serve him right to worry a little. _


	7. The Day Rey (Almost) Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has a near death experience of the most unlikely kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright ;-)

 

 

Rey awoke slowly, one limb at a time, dimly aware that her muscles seemed to have turned to lead whilst she slept. She didn’t mind much. It was warm. She couldn’t remember why she was so glad it was warm, but she was. Wonderfully so. Cocooned in cotton-soft sheets that felt like clouds against her aching body.

 

Finn must have changed laundry detergent, the pillows she had buried herself in smelt different. Clean and almost sandalwood-y. Maybe it was Dameron trying out yet another new aftershave. He had so many. Whatever it was she approved. She’d have tell him. Later. Right now all she wanted to do was drift for a while, content to lie completely still the hush of the apartment. Eyes tightly closed as she inhaled the comforting scent.

 

Something niggled at the back of her mind as she sank back towards sleep, keeping her from relaxing fully. A half-formed worry that seeped through the wool that had gathered around her brain in the night. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t actually remember what she was doing in the boys apartment. Or why they’d given up a bed to her instead of the sofa. The last thing she remembered was trying to get some sleep in the bitter cold of the Speeder, face pressed against the heater as the night dragged on and on.

 

She’d fallen into nightmares soon after, repeating over and over until she wasn’t sure if she was awake or asleep. She’d dreamt she was a child, back at _that_ orphanage, the worst one from when she was seven. The one with the concrete floors and the furniture that always smelt like antiseptic for some reason. Only someone was there, someone impossibly tall and strangely familiar who had come to rescue her. She felt herself being swooped up into strong arms, and carried from the cold. Only she wasn’t dreaming anymore.

 

Cracking an eye open she forced herself to look blearily at the grey walls, the world swimming in and out of focus as she struggled against the lethargy. Even through the fog she she could tell something was wrong.

 

She was definitely _not_ in the boy’s apartment.

 

Awake all at once, Rey jerked upright, crying out involuntarily at the sudden movement. Every muscle screaming in protest. The world tilted violently on it’s axis, stomach leaping into her mouth as her heart-rate doubled. Tripled. Her hands scrambled against her body as she checked all of her clothes were where she left them.

 

Thankfully they were.

 

She doubled over at the pounding in her head, clutching at her temples as her skull threatened to split right down the middle. Her panicked confusion only growing as something thudded to the floor in the next room over. A dull crash followed by an indignant cry that sounded almost familiar to her.

 

“Are you okay? I heard a noise?” It took a moment for her to recognize the man who appeared in the open archway, squinting up through half-closed eyes as her heart thundered like an angry bull against her ribs. Ren looked awful. Red eyed and rumpled, and seeming almost as tired as she felt.

 

Blinking stupidly at him, it suddenly hit her whose apartment she was in.

 

“ _Why am I in your bed?_ ” The words came out in a jumbled shriek as she fought back against a sudden wave of dizziness. Not at all the ones she’d planned on saying. The stabbing panic making way for an entirely inappropriate wave of embarrassment as she struggled to remember what _exactly_ had led up to this moment.

 

“You were freezing to death in your car.” He looked at her with a mixture of incredulity and panic she would have found hilarious if her body hadn’t decided to try and kill her. His eyebrows threatening to disappear into his hairline as he glared at her. “What was I supposed to do?”

 

“Oh.” She’d forgotten about that. Dim flashes of bone-shaking cold returned to her, setting her shivering anew. Dropping her hands from her head she clutched the duvet closer to her, embarrassment growing as she mumbled. “I’d have been okay.”

 

“Okay?” His face flushed red, usually composed voice becoming strangled with exasperation as he threw his hands in the air. “You’d turned _blue!_ Why didn’t you call someone?”

 

She felt like she was being scolded, face scrunching mulishly at his exasperation even as her heart thudded guiltily at her own foolishness. She didn’t need people. She’d never needed people. She could take care of herself. She tried to glare up at him but the room decided to use that moment to take another spin about the place.

 

“Don’t yell at me.” She scowled, pathetically, seizing fistfulls of the covers in an attempt to force the world back into place. It refused, tipping like a drunken sailor in a storm. " _O_ _h stay still for fucks sake_.”

 

His eyes widened at her quiet outburst. She felt an unkind spike of anger rise in her belly at the worry on his face, reminding herself again that she didn’t need anyone. _Anyone_ . She fought against the sheets, forcing herself out of the warm comfort of the bed. _His bed_. It felt like wading through treacle.

 

“Wait - what are you doing-” He started forward as she dragged herself to her feet, anchoring herself against his almost empty nightstand. Just a lamp and a clock. Not even a book. For a moment she forgot what she’s doing as she stared at it, he should have books. He looks like a book guy. Probably one of the ones who refuses to buy a kindle because they didn’t smell right.

 

The world shifted under her feet and she remembered her purpose. Looking up at him with a furrowed brow. “I should go.”

 

“Like hell.”

 

She managed three steps before her legs betrayed her, crumpling like cheap paper towels. He was beside her before she could do more than squeak, hauling her up into his arms and depositing her unceremoniously back into bed. She tried to glare at him again, honestly, but it felt so nice to be tucked up in the warmth that it came off as half-hearted at best. She couldn’t even work up the energy to tease him over the fire-engine blush that spread over his features as he pulled the duvet up around her and stepped back.

 

“Stay there.” He commanded, his tone brokering no compromise. “Sleep. I’ll get you some water.”

 

Piece said, he disappeared from sight, leaving her to sink gratefully into the mattress. By the time he came back she was almost asleep again, placing the glass quietly on the nightstand where a book should have been. She should buy him a book for it. Something ridiculous. Maybe Twilight.

 

“Th’kyou.” She mumbled into the pillow as he turned away.

 

He frowned, forehead creasing in disconcertion. Peering down at her like she was a child. “What was that?”

 

“I said thank you, asshole.” She said louder, belligerent at having to repeat herself. At having to have someone take care of her. She’d definitely get him something stupid. 50 Shades of Grey stupid.

 

He seemed taken aback for a minute but then he smiled at her, shaking his head. It looked good on him. “You’re welcome.”

 

Stupid helpful Ren and his stupid face.

 

-

 

It took less than a minute the second time she woke up to remember where she was. Blaming the slight fever she was sure she was running for the warm flush that heated her cheeks. He’d left a fresh glass of water on the side, two aspirin beside it. Her heart stuttered.

 

Dragging herself slowly upright she checked the time, 5am, she must have slept for a day at least. Popping the pills, she drank down the water greedily, the cool liquid stealing some of the dryness from her throat. Thirst quenched, she took stock of her situation.

 

Her head was still pounding, her muscles ached like she’d run a marathon and she was pretty sure if left to her own devices she could sleep for another week. Or two. But she no longer felt like she was dying, so there was that, and the room has remained remarkably un-tilty so far. Letting herself adjust to being upright, she cautiously rose to her feet. Her legs cooperating as she slowly made her way to the door, almost tripping over her rucksack on the way. She’d  been unconscious for long enough that she could definitely make use of his bathroom right about now.

 

She hesitated at the archway, peering out into the darkened living room. The blinds were pulled down, the only light coming from his desk lamp. He must have fallen asleep on the couch. all six foot two of him crammed awkwardly into the five foot space. Limbs hanging off the end in an ungainly sprawl that couldn’t be comfortable by any stretch of the imagination, his face scrunched up grumpily in sleep.

 

He looked ridiculous.

 

Her heart fluttered in her chest, warmth settling into her stomach that had nothing to do with the lethargy still pulling at her. For a moment she felt tempted to stay there, watching the disgruntled expressions that passed over his face in sleep. Or to wake him, tell him exactly how stupid it was that he was sleeping on a couch two foot to small for him because of her and send him off to his own bed. Something stopped her, he looked so tired she couldn’t stand to wake him. And nature was still calling.

 

His bathroom was insane. She had never met anyone in real life before who had black marble countertops in a rented apartment. His shower looked like it had been been stolen directly from the future, a masterpiece of shiny chrome with more jets and buttons than she could think of uses for. The mirror beside it was less wondrous. She confronted herself in it begrudgingly, the reflection even more horrifying than she imagined. To say she looked like death warmed up would have been way too kind. Her face was practically grey, the circles that had formed under her eyes were so dark it looked like she’d been punched. Twice.

 

Running a hand over the mess of her face she glanced back at the spaceship shower. Just the thought of being clean again after the sweaty, shivery nightmare of the last few days was enough to stop her in her tracks. Taking one last lingering glance at the locked door, and the man she knew was bent-up in two beyond it, she made her decision. Let him sleep for a while longer, she really needed to get cleaned up.

 

Tugging her clammy shirt over her head she reached for the dials, certain she’d need all of her mechanic skills to operate the next-gen control panel. First, she just had to figure how to turn it on.

 

It was just as wonderful as she thought. She hissed as the hot water sank into her skin, chasing some of the ache from her tired muscles. Whatever he paid for the futuristic thing it was worth it. She lingered longer than she meant to, uncapping the few bottles sitting in the tidy metal basket beside her and testing their contents. Nothing as fancy as she might have thought, a fairly standard shampoo/conditioner mix that smelt pleasantly soapy when she rubbed it into her hair, and a couple of shower gels in various ‘manly’ scents. She liked the navy one best, the bottle said ‘Midnight Mountain’ but she thought it smelt more like cedarwood and smoke.

 

She’d have to break in more often, certain she could never go back to Finn and Poe’s two-temperature plastic nightmare shower after this.

 

It wasn’t until after she’d finally dragged herself out of the warmth and wrapped herself in one of his big, fluffy towels that she realized the flaw in her plan. Her rucksack, with all her clean clothes, was still sitting on his bedroom floor. Eyeing up the sweaty wreck of her clothes kicking about the tiles she felt her nose wrinkle in disgust at the thought of putting them back on. Not after finally starting to feel human again.

 

She turned her gaze on the rest of the room, focusing in on the washer/dryer holed up in the corner. The one with the laundry basket of freshly washed, neatly folded clothing resting on it. She bit down on her lip, glancing back at the door again. Theoretically, she could just borrow one of his shirts, dart out of the bathroom while he slept and leg it into the bedroom. It would take thirty seconds maximum. He’d never have to know.

 

She pulled a black button down from the top of the pile, almost guiltily, the fine cotton fabric worn from frequent wear. He must like this one. Stopping the thought in it’s track she slipped it over her head before she could think better of it, trying not to notice how soft the fabric felt against her skin. She was glad at least that he was so ridiculously tall, the shirt swamped her. The hemline fell almost to her knees, the size forcing her to roll the cuffs up four times before her hands would even stick out the ends. Annnnnnd... she was blushing again. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, furious at herself for the ludicrous reaction. She was borrowing a shirt for five minutes for heaven's sake, not pawing around in his underwear drawer.

 

Still giving herself a firm but silent talking too, she scooped up her laundry and rested her hand on the lock. Thirty seconds. In and out. Steeling her spine she swung the door open and darted out.

 

Smacking right bang into the man she was trying so hard to avoid.

 

Ren reached out automatically to steady her as she stumbled backwards, hands bracing around her shoulders. She forgot how to breathe. Certain her nose would start bleeding at any second from the blood she could feel rocketing to her face. He looked like he was about to say something, mouth opening in reproof at her clumsiness. Then he looked down. And then down some more. She could practically feel the weight of his eyes as they travelled over the stolen shirt to the entirely inappropriate amount of bare leg that was sticking out of the bottom. The shirt shrinking three sizes at least under his gaze. His jaw snapped shut, bright spots of colour blooming on his cheekbones. Eyes wider than dinner plates when they finally returned to hers. His hands apparently as frozen on her shoulders as her feet were to the floor.

 

 _This is it._ She thought as they stared awkwardly at each other in complete silence, _This is how I die. Of embarrassment._

 

Atleast there was no possible way the situation could have gotten worse.

 

As if on cue, the front door crashed open.


	8. Two's Company, Up to Fives a Crowd!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh what now....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie
> 
> (Happy Valentines!)

Ren wasn’t sure where the man who had just burst into his apartment had come from or why he was currently two inches away from his face, seemingly intent on glaring him to death. He’d thrust Rey behind him when the intruder had forced his way through the door, she was still weak from her cold, the last thing she needed was to deal with a home invader. Besides he was more than capable of dealing with this.

 

“I don’t know who you are but I suggest you leave _ right this second  _ or I will call the police!”

 

Of course it was an empty threat but this man didn’t know that. The hard-nosed glaring the intruder was attempting might have been more intimidating if, a) he hadn’t had to stand on tip-toes to even eyeball Ren’s chin and b) he looked like he’d started shaving more than a week ago.

 

Rey pushed her way round him, staring at the intruder with what looked like astonishment.

 

“ _ Finn _ ! What the hell are you doing?”

 

She _ knew _ him? Oh wonderful, absolutely capital. At least it wasn’t the obnoxious older boyfriend he supposed, but honestly.

 

“Rey, grab your stuff! I’m here to rescue you!” The man actually looked away for a split second to glance over at her and promptly did a double take “Why aren’t you wearing  _ clothes??” _

 

“Rescue me? From  _ what _ exactly?” 

 

She looked genuinely confused but Ren could feel the beginnings of annoyance stirring. “Oh so this is a  _ friend _ of yours- do you all practise breaking and entering as a hobby, I’m beginning to think—“

 

The man wheeled to face him, glare fully back in place.

 

“—hey I did not break anything, the door was  _ open _ besides you can talk you  _ kidnapped _ Rey—“

 

“—you all have some kind of a club. And if you call bringing her in out of the snow when I could have left her to freeze to death kidnapping then yes I ‘kidnapped’ her—“

 

“—why didn’t you let her text us then huh?? We left her like a million voice mails and just as many texts! And you look super shifty, who wears that much black! I mean c’mon—“

 

“—black is a very practical colour and I—“

 

“SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!”

 

They both turned to see Rey with her arms folded, glaring at both of them. Even with his shirt sleeves falling down to cover her hands she still managed to look somewhat intimidating. Also rather oddly fetching.

 

“You.” She pointed at him “Sit that end of the couch. You,” she pointed to the man “the other end.”

 

Obediently they both sat themselves down at opposite ends of the couch. It was on the tip of his tongue to object to being talked to like a child in his own house but he bit it down.

 

“Finn,” her voice when she talked to the newcomer had a note of... _ softness _ in it that he’d never heard before, “Calm down, I’m alright, I’ve not been kidnapped, I’m  _ fine _ .”

 

Ren’s stomach twisted oddly but he did his best to stamp on the rising bitterness. So what if she didn’t have any softness in her voice when she spoke to him even after he carried her all the way to his apartment _ and  _ endured sleeping on his ridiculously short couch for  _ several _ nights. She wasn’t obliged to be grateful to him in any way, even if common decency might suggest that it right and proper to feel warmly toward the person who had very likely saved her life.

 

“How did you even know she was here?” He winced, aware those words were perhaps just a  _ little _ bit more kidnapper-esque in tone than he wanted to go for right now. The other man gave him what he obviously considered to be a very intimidating stare. It really just looked like he was squinting.

 

“She always leave files on who she’s tailing in case of emergency,” Finn said. So, the girl had some sense at least, he wouldn’t have suspected that “I know… I know you’re part of SnokeCorp! I know that makes you a bad person!”

 

Ren frowned, taking a closer look at the boy. Was he a private investigator too? SnokeCorp’s reputation was perhaps not the best but the conviction with which he’d said that was...interesting. Maybe even a tad unnerving.

 

The door burst open again, rebounding noisily off the wall and Ren threw up his hands.

 

“Oh what  _ now _ !”

 

“Rey!”

 

It was the boyfriend. He looked even slimier in person, every dark curly hair slicked back into place, smile so white and perfect that it could only be the work of expensive dentistry. The older man ran over to her and engulfed her in an entirely inappropriate hug, lifting her off her feet and twirling her around to the point where the shirt she was wearing--  _ his _ shirt-- nearly flew up in an entirely indecent manner. But the boyfriend didn’t seem to even think about that, as absorbed as he was in twirling Rey about like they were auditioning for a ballet. 

The one called Finn jumped to his feet, dashing over the man who’d just entered.

 

“Poe! Man what took you so long?”

 

“Had to find parking, it’s a nightmare in this neighbourhood. We rescuing? Is this a heroic rescue?”

 

He swept Rey up in his arms with what looked like very little effort, far less effort than Ren had exerted hauling her up the stairs that was for certain. Which shouldn’t have been possible, given that the newcomer was a clear foot shorter than him and certainly not  _ that  _ much more muscular than he was.

 

Rey laughed, seeming a little bit more amused than she should have been, given this impromptu mauling, “Poe Dameron! Put me down right now!” 

 

_ Poe Dameron _ . What an idiotic name. Was the man a Teletubby or something?

 

“She said  _ put her down _ . So put her down  _ right now _ , and get the hell out of my apartment.” The murder that was clear in his voice did not seem to have the desired effect as the other man just turned and quirked an eyebrow at him.

 

“Or you’ll what? Two of us, one of you.” There was a distant bark “Three of us, sorry BB! Left her outside, just to be safe. You never know.” Oh fantastic, the  _ dog _ was back.

 

Rey finally succeeded in disentangling herself from the man’s clutches and got her feet back on the floor “Okay! For the last time, Finn that end of the sofa. Ren that end. Poe sit on the floor. NOW!”

 

Both men scrambled to comply.

 

“I am not kidnapped, I am not being held hostage, I am fine apart from a bit of a cold—“

 

Ren snorted. A ‘bit of a cold’. That was how she described hypothermia? Ridiculous.  Rey glared at him for a second and then amended “—okay maybe slightly more than a cold but the fact remains I. Am.  _ Fine _ .”

 

The younger one—Finn— stuck his hand in the air.

 

“Yes?”

 

“To be fair to us, we’ve spent the last three days kind of convinced you’d been murdered, chopped into tiny pieces and probably dissolved in his bathtub.”

 

Rey frowned, obviously finding the idea as ridiculous as Ren did. Honestly, dissolved in his bathtub? What a completely unhygienic load of nonsense.

 

“He doesn’t even  _ have  _ a bathtub, he has a really fancy shower.”

 

Now the slick, fancy boyfriend stuck his hand in the air but answered without waiting to be acknowledged ,“Well I'm  pretty sure you could dissolve someone in a shower if you tried enough, don’t you think?” He looked up toward Finn who was sitting on the couch “I mean with enough patience and maybe some buckets. You could completely dissolve someone in your shower.”

 

“Yeah!” the other one was nodding enthusiastically “Even your sink maybe, if you were really patient? Or cut them up super-small.”

 

Ren could feel a headache coming on and the fact Rey was obviously trying not to smile fondly at the two imbeciles sitting opposite her was not helping. Honestly what was it with her and annoying, useless creatures. She’d seemed fond of the corgi as well.

 

She held up a hand, in some kind of attempt at forestalling the annoying prattle coming from the other two “If we could concentrate for  _ one _ second! I have not been dissolved in any kind of bathroom equipment I’m standing right here—“

 

“—wearing his shirt clearly—“

 

“—wearing his shi— _ Poe _ ! Yes okay, my clothes were kind of gross. I slept in them for days. This was clean. End of story!” Her face looked flushed with embarrassment-- or humiliation, he wasn’t sure which. His abilities to judge emotions were evidently a bit lacking today. 

 

“Hey, no judgement it looks good on you!”  Poe smiled, one of those easy ‘devil-may-care’ smiles that was reminiscent of the ones that had made Ren’s father as famous as he was. A charming, lady-killer of a smile. 

 

Ren stood abruptly, making everyone look round at him.

 

“I need to go to work.”

 

What he  _ needed _ was not to be in this room anymore before he gave into the strangely specific impulse to use his fists to break every last ridiculous shiny tooth that man had.

 

“She can stay. You two,  _ leave _ .”

 

As he slammed the door behind him, he could hear Poe say,

 

“Well… he seems nice.”

  
  


-

 

Work was exactly as pleasant as he’d imagined, given his impromptu ‘sick leave’. Hux was having an apoplectic meltdown about how behind they were and all the new things they were now saddled with.

 

“ —and w e have this benefit next weekend, to aid Orphans in some Outer Rim hellhole country —”

 

“To aid our tax breaks.” Ren translated for him, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on his screen. Let Hux have his stroke, he had three days worth of work to catch up on and just because Mr Snoke hadn’t called him into chastise him yet, didn’t mean it wasn’t imminent. Mr Snoke did not like to be disappointed by those he put his faith in.

 

“Well yes of course, but they get something out of I think. Probably. But  _ not the point _ Ren.”

 

He finally seemed to run out of steam and sat down, straightening non-existent creases in his suit.

 

“So which unfortunate family member will you be dragging along as your date?”

 

“My family is dead.” ‘to me’ he added mentally. Hux needed to stop prying into his personal life, the little weasel was always too curious about him for some reason.

 

“I am genuinely very pleased to hear that,” Hux answered “The thought of there being more people out there, like you. Horrifying. Still, that removes your only options for dates I imagine. Will you be hiring an escort?”

 

“A process I’m sure you’re very familiar with,” Ren muttered, trying to concentrate on his work. For someone who’d been throwing a fit about how behind they were two minutes ago, Hux was going off on a pointless tangent.

 

Hux smiled, that smug slimy half-smile that didn’t show any teeth. It made him look like a lizard having a seizure.

 

“Just because I have a date and you don’t, there is no need to get  _ angry _ Ren.”

 

Of all the ridiculous, _ middle school _ preoccupations… was Hux twelve? Who cared about having someone to hang on your arm at this stupid benefit. Who cared if he would be there alone while Hux lorded it over him all night, albeit with someone he probably paid? Who cared if it would be another evening of people looking at him like he was slightly strange?

 

Before he could slam the brakes on them, the words were forcing their way past his lips.

 

“I  _ have _ a date.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catherinegrace91 we hope you like the fact Finn and Poe shared your sentiments! ;)


	9. Denial and Other Rivers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a bad case of the feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright <3

  


“Sooooo…” Poe’s face sidled into view over the edge of the sofa, eyebrows already poised to attack. “The guy who kidnapped you _is_ the same one as your phone boyfriend, right? You aren’t just surrounding yourself with grumpy men now, that’s not like a new fetish of yours?”

 

Rey pressed her hand to her forehead and fought the urge to groan. The first order of business after Ren had left was to get dressed, trying to keep the ridiculous blush off her face as she stuffed his shirt into the washer. After that she’d given her rescuers a short angry lecture about manners, before flopping down on the sofa and hoping they’d get the hint to be quiet. It felt too weird to get back into Ren’s bed with Finn and Poe around. She’d settled for the world's most uncomfortable sofa instead, although how Ren spent multiple nights asleep on it she would never know. The image of him sprawled over it threatened to bring the blush back. She fought it down, her watch dogs didn't need anymore fuel for their insane theories

 

Even though it was very sweet of them to mount a rescue mission to ‘save her.’

Ridiculous. But sweet.

 

“He didn't kidnap me.” Rey sighed for the fiftieth time, reaching out to push Poe out of her eyeline before adding almost as an afterthought. “And he’s not my boyfriend.”

 

Poe shook his head sadly at Finn, who’d taken up residence at the other end of the couch. BB, banned from the furniture, lay sulking between them. “Stockholm syndrome.”

 

Finn nodded sagely, “it's the only explanation.”

 

They’d been circling around theories for her disappearance for hours. Alien abduction, satanic cult, Hollywood talent scout. They always came back to their favourite though,  _The Kidnapping._

 

“You still know that air force therapist, right?” Finn rubbed his chin,  “the one who specializes in military deprogramming?”

 

“Arnie? Yeah, I bet we could set up a session with him. Might cost us though.”

 

“We’re broke, man.”

 

“Oh yeah.” Poe exhaled wearily and flopped down on the floor, “Guess we’re stuck with her like this.”

 

That was it. She officially couldn’t take any more of it. With them unwilling to leave her side she had only one choice. She struggled to her feet, almost stepping on BB in the process as she crossed the apartment to grab her stuff.

 

“Hey - where are you going?” Finn was beside her in a second, Poe right behind him as they trailed her to the door.

 

“To do my job.” Retrieving her keys from the side she jabbed them at the boys, “before I murder you and, so help me God, melt your bodies down the drain of Ren’s very, _very_ nice shower.”

 

“Woah there missy, you’re not driving anywhere like that! You’re still...” Poe waved his hands descriptively at her, “half dead.”

 

Finn glared at him on her behalf. “He means that in a nice way.”

 

“Sure! Like you’re a zombie, but y’know, a hot zombie.” Poe grinned. She kept walking. He ducked in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. “A hot zombie who is so not driving!”

 

“Fine.” She bit out between clenched teeth, tossing her keys at him as she stormed past him out of the apartment. “You drive.”

 

“Oh no no no, we are not taking the Speeder. It’s a rusty death trap and it smells like a homeless Ronald McDonald.” He propped his hands on his hips grandly at the top of the stairs, chest puffing out like a sexy pigeon. “We’re taking _The_ _Black One.”_

 

“You guys have got to stop naming your cars.” Finn muttered, poking him hard in the chest as he passed and deflating him.

 

Poe followed them, only pausing to scoop up BB. “We know it’s cool, Beebs.”

  


-

 

“So this is what you do all day?” Poe grimaced, slumping over the steering wheel.

 

“Yup.” Rey nodded, sinking back into the comfortable leather upholstery as she eyed up SnokeCorp HQ through her binoculars. Poe liked his cars like he liked his planes, fast, shiny and guaranteed to pick up the ladies. Or gents. He wasn’t fussy. She was just glad that it meant he’d shelled out extra for heated seats.

 

Rey focused in on the window Ren sometimes appeared at, the one on the third floor that she assumed was closest to his desk, she wondered what he was doing now. Something morally dubious probably. Her heart gave a guilty little squeeze at that, Ren wasn’t evil, even if SnokeCorp seemed to be. He was angsty sure, and kind of a pain in the ass sometimes. But he could also be… good. He had saved her life after all.

 

She should probably buy him flowers or something to say thanks, that’s what people did right? Her mouth twitched at the thought of Ren awkwardly holding a massive bouquet, his ears turning the same garish pink shade as the flowers. Maybe she’d get him a throw pillow for his uncomfortable sofa instead.

 

“Jeez, no wonder you’re so into Snape Jnr.” Poe snapped her out of her thoughts with a start, he yawned widely, the flash of his white teeth nearly blinding her. “This is so boring your brain must have melted.”

 

“This guy’s no good for you, y’know.” Finn added, entirely unprompted from where he was dog sitting BB in the backseat. “He’s bad news. And… tall. Far too tall. It would never work between you.”

 

She felt the smile become a grimace and resisted the urge to smack their heads together. “Last and final reminder, this is my job.”

 

“I mean look at him he has so many-” Finn’s face scrunched up as he searched for the words, ignoring her entirely. “features. Like. Who needs that much face?”

 

“I happen to li-” She caught herself,  “like you better when you’re being less judgemental.”

 

Good save. She had been about to tell them how much she liked his face. Empirically speaking Ren was a very attractive man after all, tall and dark with intense eyes. And all those freckles. She’d always had a thing for freckles. Not that she had a thing for _his_ freckles though, no, just in general. Freckles were nice.

 

Jamming the binoculars tighter to her eyes she stamped down the weird thoughts. Obviously her brush with icy death was still making her head fuzzy.

 

“Can we get tacos?” Poe asked suddenly, grin returning as he turned to stare at her. “I’m starving.”

 

“Me too,” Finn added, leaning forward between the seats. “We were so busy rescuing you this morning we didn’t have time to get breakfast.”

 

Hit with the baleful stares of both of her best friends at once Rey relented, they had tried to save her life too after all. She lowered the binoculars with a benevolent smile.

 

“Sure, we’ll get tacos. I’ll even pay for them to thank you for your brave, heroic, completely unnecessary rescue mission.” Finn beamed at her, his smile lighting up the whole car as she dug around her rucksack for her wallet. Hoping she had the cash to back up the gesture. “it’s not like Ren ever leaves the office before six anyway.”

 

“Oh really.” Poe’s gaze had been distracted, he was leaning forward with all the subtlety of a brick as he eyed up the front entrance of the building. “So that’s not him coming this way then?”

 

“What?” She yelped, catching sight of Ren across the road and dropping herself down in her seat. Reaching up to yank Poe down too when he didn’t move fast enough. She was suddenly very thankful for his borderline-illegally dark tinted windows.

 

“Who’s the dame?” Poe whistled, undeterred at being pulled practically horizontal by his collar. “She’s got legs up to her ears.”

 

“Who?” Another yelp, one she wished had sounded less incredulous as she carefully leant forward just enough to peer through the windscreen.

 

It was definitely Ren, she’d recognize his scowling gait anywhere, but the woman next to him was anything but familiar. She dwarfed Ren by a couple of inches at least, an athletic goddess with cropped platinum hair and shiny chrome sunglasses on. Her confident stride aided by legs that, Poe was right, went right up to her ears.

 

Rey’s legs didn’t go up to her ears. They barely went up to her hips.

 

“I- I don’t know.” She felt heat rising in her face without her permission. “A work colleague?”

 

“I need to switch jobs.”

 

“Hey - we were gonna get tacos.” Finn spoke up from the back, voice strangely strangled. “We should just go and totally do that. Yup.”

 

“Finn, buddy. Have your eyes stopped working?” Poe craned his neck to follow their movements.

 

“My eyes work just fine.” He grumbled, arms folded tightly over his chest. “She doesn’t look that great. She looks like the kind of person who would be mean to totally harmless employees, if you ask me. Like if you accidentally took her coffee one time she’d never let you forget it.”

 

“That’s pretty specific there.” Poe quirked an eyebrow, tearing his gaze away at last to fix his roommate with a look.

 

“I’m... good at reading people.” Finn scowled. “And I’m hungry.”

 

Rey tried to peer in the rearview mirror at her bickering friends  but found it impossible to take her eyes off the power couple marching past them, the conversation becoming little more than white noise in the background. Whoever the woman was Rey doubted she’d ever need to run to keep up with Ren, on the contrary their strides seem to match up effortlessly.

 

“Forget the tacos. We’re following them.” Rey hadn’t realized she’d spoken until she heard the words, both of her friends swivelling around to look at her from the sharp tone of her voice. “What?” She added, almost guiltily. “It’s my job.”

 

BB yapped from the back seat.

 

“Shut up Beebles.” She muttered under her breath as they pulled away.

 

-

 

They didn’t go far, the lanky pair disappearing into the high-end department store not five minutes walk from the office. The car idling slowly behind them as Rey shouted at Poe to be more inconspicuous and Finn complained quietly about not wanting to do this.

 

Rey snapped off her seatbelt off the second they vanished through the fancy glass doors.

 

“Where are you going?” Finn whined, as she stole Poe’s sunglasses from the overhead compartment and pulled up her hood.

 

“I’m just taking a look.” She shrugged, trying to appear casual whilst determinedly not examining her sudden burning desire to know who this woman was and what the hell she was doing with Ren.

 

“Alright.” Poe grinned, already unlocking his door to follow her. “Bring on the giant lady.”

 

“No hitting on the mark.” Rey warned, foot tapping impatiently as she waited for Finn to join them. “Are you coming?”

 

“I- I think I’ll wait here.” He said, eyes darting nervously away from hers. “Y’know, look after BB.”

 

“Are you okay?” She frowned in concern, wondering if maybe wasn’t feeling all too well himself. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his brow and he seemed determined not to make eye contact.

 

“Fine, fine.” He waved them away, “You go have fun stalking. Just... be careful, okay?

 

Rey hesitated, torn between demanding the truth and going after Ren and his mystery accomplice.

 

“We’re losing them.” Poe pointed out.

 

She made her decision.

 

“Okay, we’ll be back soon. Just… call us if you need anything.” Waving distractedly she dove away after the giants.

 

She missed Finn’s sigh of relief entirely when the door slammed shut behind them.

 

-

 

Ren was… shopping.

 

With a woman. In a place that had doormen and a terraced cafe on the room. The surreality of it was enough to give her headache. She’d stashed herself behind one of the pillars at the edge of the shop floor, watching him slouch through the ladies section with his tall… friend.

 

Ren had never mentioned her before. Okay, so he’d never really told her anything about his work, but if he had had a girlfriend surely she would have seen them together before now. Rey had been following him for weeks after all. Unless maybe she’d just got back to town. After some sort of exotic modelling photo shoot no doubt.

 

Something dark tugged at her, like jealousy.

 

Which was ridiculous, because Rey had absolutely no reason to be jealous of this glorious woman. Why should she? She wasn’t dating Ren, when it came down to it she didn’t even know if they were _friends._ The thought hurt her, realizing suddenly that she _wanted_ to be his friend. He could be alright sometimes, when he wasn’t being a complete pain in the ass, he could be sweet even. Like when he carried her through the icy snow and took care of her when she was sick, letting her sleep in his bed and bringing her water and aspirin and…

 

No. she wasn’t jealous.

 

They didn’t seem to say much, swapping comments far too quietly for her to hear as they idled in the most expensive part of the dress section. At one point the woman pulled out a slinky black number with a slit almost up to the waist that made Rey feel entirely inadequate. She’d look like a child playing dress up in it, the _friend_ would look like a valkyrie.

 

Poe had gotten bored and vanished by the time they made it into Shoes and Accessories. Rey still trailing awkwardly behind them, ducking out of sight every time they so much as shrugged. They were looking at high heels. Ren selected the tallest pair, holding them out to his companion with a smile.

 

They laughed.

 

Rey felt something inside her twist. She turned and hurried to the car, not looking back once.

 

Her hypothermia must have been playing up again, that had to be the reason there was a sudden unbearable ache in her chest she was certain wasn’t there before.

  



	10. Just Kiss and Make-Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren doesn't mess up quite as badly as he could have done...

This might well be the most bizarrely nerve-wracking thing Ren had ever done in his life.

 

It was ten past six, less than an hour before the benefit was due to start and Rey still hadn’t turned up at his apartment. He’d been sitting here, in a freshly pressed suit with combed hair, staring intently at his front door for nearly an hour.

 

He acknowledged that his annoyance at her potentially making them late would have been more justified if he had actually gotten around to  _ asking  _ her yet.

 

He’d had it all planned out in his head-- he’d come home, find her sitting on the couch, hopefully feeling better and he’d just… ask her for a small favour. If she was feeling well enough. And when she said yes and started to worry because she had nothing to wear, he’d artfully pull out the bag containing the department store buys… _ oh no, no need to worry about how much it cost, it’s nothing really. _ ..and she’d look inside and probably let out a soft, wonder filled gasp over the contents.

 

Well that was how it was  _ supposed _ to go anyway. But she hadn’t been in his apartment when he’d gotten home. So he was just sitting here, awkwardly clutching the bag and growing less and less sure about his purchasing choices.

 

He poked a finger into the bag, disturbing the artfully wrapped golden tissue paper the assistant had insisted on decorating the thing with. The dress was pleated beige silk which he now thought might be the most boring color in existence. What had seemed timeless and classic in the store now seemed like something his mother might wear to a slightly upmarket brunch.

 

He blamed Phasma entirely, of course. The whole point of her accompanying him was so that he  _ didn’t  _ end up with the worst dress in the store.

 

What if it didn’t fit? 

 

What if...she  _ laughed _ at him?

 

She was definitely going to laugh at him. They weren’t even friends. And this would probably be presumptuous even for friends. And she had a hot-shot fighter pilot boyfriend with ridiculously white teeth and a smug punchable face who would probably object to her going to a benefit with another man. 

 

Despite the fact it wasn’t a  _ real _ date. Just a favour between friends. But the boyfriend seemed like the type of person to completely misconstrue something like a simple favour. 

 

He realised he was clutching the bag so hard he was leaving dents in the shiny cardboard and forced himself to loosen his grip in case he accidentally broke something. There had seemed a lot of frippery to go with the dress- pantyhose, various bits of make-up, some understated jewellery. Phasma had insisted he buy two pairs of shoes in case he got Rey’s size wrong so there were two pairs of high, strappy brown shoes in his possession too. The amount of money that had changed hands even before they'd gotten to the dress had made his head spin. 

 

Well whatever else came out of the shopping trip, it had been worth it purely for talking Phasma into buying those 5 inch heels. Hux was perhaps a hair over six foot on a good day, so Phasma was already a full three inches taller than him. They’d look ridiculous together.

 

Which was nothing less than the cretin deserved for getting him into this mess in the first place. Harping on about how he had a date when really he was going with a subordinate, which completely didn’t count. 

 

There was a soft click, his front door creaked slowly open and Rey peered round the corner. His heart seemed to leap up his throat ready to choke him and he scrambled ungracefully to his feet. She was alone, thank god, her ridiculous boyfriend and sidekick were absent.

 

“Where have you  _ been _ ?”

 

He was acutely aware of how worried he sounded. It wasn’t his fault that a  _ very _ small part of him had been starting to entertain the idea she was dead in a ditch somewhere. She was still recovering from an illness, it was only natural that he should be concerned and that made the level of worry in his voice completely justifiable. 

 

Rey wasn’t even all the way in the door yet and she already was staring wide-eyed at him, like he’d gone crazy. She fumbled around on the floor for her backpack, hauling it up onto her shoulder.

 

“I didn’t want to...out stay my welcome.”

 

She looked supremely uncomfortable. He wondered if her boyfriend had said something about her staying here. Almost definitely, the slick bastard had been ready to drag her out with no concern for her health after all.

 

And he was about to make this a whole lot more awkward as well.

 

“Here.”

 

He thrust the bag out toward her, taking note of her confused frown.

 

“Take it!”

 

Unceremoniously he dumped the whole thing into her arms, causing her to drop her rucksack. She peered over the top, the gold tissue paper nearly obscuring her view.

 

“What--” 

 

“It’s a dress. And shoes. And other things, women’s things, I don’t know.”

 

A look of confusion spread over her face and he wasn’t sure he blamed her. 

 

“There’s a benefit, tonight, at seven pm. You’re going with me.”

 

Her eyes got slightly wider, filling with what looked an awful lot like pure unadulterated panic. He felt a similar feeling welling up in his own chest. If she said no then Hux was never going to let him forget it, not after he’d made such a fuss about having a date. 

 

“You owe me for breaking into my apartment, stealing my food and kicking me out of my bed. So you’re going to go with me, to pay me back. So--” he made a vague gesture to the bathroom “-- go do whatever it is you need to do.”

His ears felt like they were on fire, it took everything he had not to turn away from her stare and run out of the apartment.

 

“You...bought these yesterday” she said slowly, as if testing the words.

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you’re sure they’re for me. Not...anyone else?”

 

He frowned.

 

“Who else would they be for?”

 

She stared at him intently for a long moment before turning and disappearing into his bathroom, the door clicking firmly shut behind her. That probably meant she was going to come with him, didn’t it? Unless she was going to try climbing out the window… they were on the third floor but he wouldn’t put anything past Rey.

 

He wasn’t sure how long women generally took to get ready, there had seemed to be an awful lot of things in that bag and really if they didn’t leave in the next twenty minutes it wouldn’t be ‘fashionably late’ it would be ‘unacceptably late’.

 

He checked his watch and was hit with a strangely pervasive feeling of deja vu, a memory of his father loitering at the bottom of their staircase before premieres, checking his watch with increasing disbelief. His mother had always said his father was welcome to complain about it all he liked, on the day that he put on a full face of make-up and painted his nails. Strangely enough his father had never taken her up on that one and had just bit his tongue as best he could. Which was probably the best strategy here.

 

After what seemed like an eternity had crawled past, the bathroom door re-opened and Rey stepped out with apprehension writ large across her face. 

 

He was aware he was staring. He was aware he was staring in a way that might not be entirely appropriate. But he wasn’t entirely sure how to stop.

 

“How do I look?” she asked, seeming a little hesitant about the question.

 

The dress fell only a little longer on her than his shirt had done, brushing the skin part way up her thigh and the pale colour somehow made her skin seem warmer, more honey-toned. Maybe beige wasn’t so bad after-all. The pleats followed her shape, creating the illusion of curves where there were very few and showing off her toned arms and slender neck. She’d pulled her hair back into a very simple bun, that strands were already escaping from to curl delicately against her skin. But it suited her that way, bringing into sharp relief the striking angles of her face. And it appeared she had used at least some of the make-up--  she’d done something with her eyes, made them look different, more smoky and  _ intense _ , while her lips looked all slick and glossy and somehow more full than before.

 

All in all, she looked a great deal more polished than she had any right too. 

 

“You look passable.” His voice cracked slightly on the last word and he coughed to cover it up. She smiled at him and her face lit up, just completely lit up… and she didn’t just look passable. 

 

Ren dropped his gaze to the floor. Staring at the bland grey carpet felt safe, less like looking directly into the sun.

 

“We need to get going, you’ve made us late.”

 

He refused to look at her again. He could feel the traitorous blush beginning to migrate from his ears down his neck. A strange compulsion to reach out and tuck one of the escaping wisps behind her ear had taken hold of him and he was finding it difficult to shake. 

 

She took his hand and he nearly jumped out of his skin, her small warm fingers pressing something cold and sharp into his palm.

 

“I don’t have pierced ears, I can’t wear these.”

 

The earrings Phasma had chosen were sitting in his hand and Rey closed his unresisting fingers over them. His skin seemed to burn where she was touching him and he’d been unable to help automatically looking up when she touched him and now… now the urge to tuck her hair behind her ear was fast becoming an irresistible compulsion to cup her cheek with his palm, to pull her closer, to....

 

He turned so abruptly he nearly knocked her flying, she fought for balance obviously struggling to stand upright in her unfamiliar high heels. But he didn’t dare touch her to steady her, didn’t dare take a single step toward her.

 

“Let’s go.”


	11. Riding (with) Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when she thought things couldn't get any more awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright <3

  


What had just happened.

 

What in the _holy hell_ had just happened.

 

Rey still couldn’t, for the life of her, quite work out how she’d ended up at the door of Grand Regency Hotel ballroom. Trying not to break her neck in a pair of heels she couldn’t have paid for with her entire yearly salary.

 

She’d gone back to his apartment on instinct, halfway to his building before she’d realized the direction she was driving in. She’d left her stuff there after all. And it was only polite to make contact and, y’know, thank him properly for looking after her and everything. Like an adult. Which is why it felt particularly ridiculous that she’d had to lurk in the hallway for far too long before working up the nerve to open the door. To see him again. An unspecified ache still lingered between her ribs when she thought of him laughing with the blonde valkyrie.

 

The last thing she’d been expecting, in any universe, was to open the door and find him sitting at his desk dressed to the nines, waiting impatiently for her. Her heart, already racing from the thought of seeing him at all, jumped ship entirely.

 

He cut a dashing figure in a tux.

 

She was so preoccupied by the breadth of his shoulders in the jacket, and the way the ends of his hair curled ever so slightly against the edge of his collar, she didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. He stuffed a very fancy carrier bag into her hands. The kind made of cardboard and printed with shiny gold letters, and told her almost angrily they were going to some benefit together.

 

It should have been enough to prompt out a hundred indignant questions, or an immediate refusal to go anywhere with him until he asked her nicely. But it didn’t. Instead the only thing her ridiculous mind could focus on was the realization that his shopping trip with the leggy sports calendar model had _not_ been a date. On the contrary, he’d gone to the up-market department store to buy things for her. Rey. Really, stupidly expensive things.

 

Safe in his bathroom she allowed herself a full five minutes to freak out. Pulling all of the trappings of a Cinderella-like transformation scene from the oversized bag. Shoes, clothes, accessories. Even a handful of make up the brand of which was so fancy she couldn’t begin to pronounce it. It was a far cry from her drugstore mascara and that one lipstick she’d bought so long ago it had practically fossilized in her bag.

 

The dress was exquisite. Cyrene Silk dyed in the softest shade of fawn imaginable, cut and gathered to flatter even her boyish figure. Whoever the blonde friend was she had great taste. Rey got a perverse little stab of pleasure from knowing she was _just_ a friend. If she had been Ren’s girlfriend there was no way she would have helped him pick out such a beautiful gown for another woman. Resisting the strange urge to cackle she gave a little twirl in the mirror, it was without a doubt the most beautiful thing she’d ever worn.

 

Of course, everything after slipping into the dress had been an unmitigated disaster. She’d managed to draw one acceptable line with her eyeliner before completely buggering up the other side, streaking and smearing them in the fight to get them even. In the end she’d had to smudge them with the expensive eyeshadow palette she’d found right at the bottom of the bag to get the slightest semblance of a matching look. Even then the end result was still more raccoon than catwalk.

 

Then there was the lipgloss, a lovely peach shade that seemed to be made of glue. Her hair, already making it’s traitorous get away from her haphazard up-do, was sticking to it like no one’s business. Giving up on the make up she turned her attention to the other treasures the bag held.

 

He’d bought her two pairs of shoes. Her heart thudded warmly in her chest as she lifted them delicately from their tissue-paper beds. Beautiful strappy creations in brown, with heels she was certain would spell her doom by the end of the night. He’d gotten a pair of size sevens and a pair of size eights, not bad guesses considering her feet fell exactly inbetween the two at an irritating seven and a half. In the end she’d settled for the slightly smaller pair, blisters would be better than stepping right out of them and falling on her ass in front of his co-workers.

 

She flexed her toes in their tight confines as they waited outside of the gala to present their tickets, wishing she could leave the memories at that. That she could focus on the evening ahead instead. Her mind was not going to let her off that easy.

 

Vivid flashbacks danced behind her eyes of the moment she’d stumbled back into the main room, as close to ready as she was going to get. She’d decided to give back the earrings he’d bought her, since she didn’t have pierced ears after all. Maker, why had she done that? She could have just left them on the side, or better still in their box in the bag. But no, oh no, she had to do it personally. Unable to stop herself from taking his hand in hers and pressing them into the warm skin of his palm. Pushing his long fingers closed over the tiny gold drops.

 

Pianist’s fingers.

 

Her own hands flexed at the memory. Skin still burning from where she’d touched him, her face flushed scarlet. She could only hope the sheer amount of foundation she’d slapped on beforehand would help disguise the blush.

 

He’d looked at her then. Long and deep and for one wild moment she thought he was going to… That she wanted him too…

 

She bit back the memory. He’d run for the car seconds later after all, moving so quickly she’d nearly broken her neck on the stairs on the way after him. She didn’t protest when he led them into the parking garage. Let him drive. There was no way she was surviving this evening without getting thoroughly, thoroughly drunk

 

Speaking of, if they could only make it through the bottleneck of late comers into the actual party she could really use some free champagne right now. At least she hoped it would be free. There wasn’t exactly any pocket room in her dress, or any money in her checking account for that matter either. And every second they wasted in line was another one she’d end up using to dwell over the single most awkward car ride in all of human history.

 

Tense didn’t seem like a strong enough description. Not without adding several curse words in front of it. They’d driven in silence for the most part, neither of them quite knowing what to say as the Upsilon’s engine purred away in the background, looking determinedly at anything but each other.

 

She was intensely aware of him. He filled the small space of the car, broad and tall and _present._  The scent of cedar wood and smoke addling her thoughts entirely, she blushed. Midnight Mountain. She had liked that shower gel best.

 

“How about some music?” She’d said at last, the words half strangled in the echoing silence. Desperate to ease the stifling tension that was filling the car. He flinched as she reached for the dial and she pulled back, suddenly worried that the results of her inexperienced job of beautifying herself were worse than she thought. That he would be embarrassed of her when they reached their destination.

 

The feeling sank cold claws of dread into her chest, followed almost immediately by the hot burn of her temper. _So what_ , she thought in angry humiliation, _he asked me to do this. It’s not like it was my idea._

 

She peered at him from under her lashes. The thought hurt her more than she had imagined. She never cared what anyone thought of her. She couldn’t let it affect her though, determined to do everything in her power to make the best of the situation in payment for his strange, stoic kindness to her before. No matter if he thought she looked like a barely passable racoon or not. He had asked her to accompany him, so accompany him she would.

 

Squaring her jaw she flicked on the radio, there was no way she was sitting in silence now. Strains of classical music filled the car, his radio obviously preset to one of the stations that were so popular with the hipsters and old people of the City. She scowled and turned it over, needing something with lyrics to distract herself from the unbearable tightness growing in her chest.

 

“ _I’ll make love to you, if you want me too-”_

 

She leapt forward, turning the dial so fast her wrist twinged. Not that kind of lyric. Nope. The blush she’d finally managed to subdue returned with a vengeance, staining her cheeks as she struggled for control over her suddenly thundering heart. That was not the sort of thing they needed hanging between them in the already awkward confines of the car.

 

“ _Let’s get it onnnn-”_

 

The Maker hated her. That was the only explanation. She fought the urge to bang her head against the window as she tried again. Exhaling so hard she almost lost a lung as the radio tuned into the City’s premier pop station. The song was dated, sure, conjuring up embarrassing memories of Finn’s eighteenth birthday party, but at least it wasn’t liable to give her a heart attack any time soon.

 

_“I’m putting on my shades to cover up my eyes, I’m jumping in my ride I’m heading out tonight-”_

 

Nothing inappropriate. Nothing untoward. She let herself relax against the fine leather upholstery, letting the familiar tune ease some of the tension from her spine. It felt so good to have something else to focus on that she even joined in as they circled back around to the chorus

 

“I’m ridin’ solo! I’m riding solo - solo!” She sang enthusiastically along with the radio, not caring that she was out of tune. It was just what they needed to break the awkward mood and get back to their usual snarky status quo.

 

Ren turned to look at her and she grinned back, glad he was feeling it too. Then her brain caught up with her eyes and she noticed the way his face went from white to red to almost purple. She frowned at the reaction, he didn’t look like the kind of guy to enjoy slightly dated pop music, sure, and yeah she was no Adele when it came to singing along. But it didn’t explain the violent reaction playing over his face. She trailed off mid-sentence.

 

 _I’m riding solo._ The radio continued without her. _Riding solo. Solo._

 

That was kind of funny, she supposed, _Solo._ Like Han Solo.

 

Who was his father.

 

Which of course made him a Solo too.

 

She knew that. Remembering how long it had taken her to track down the mysterious Ben Solo, only to find Kylo Ren in his place.

 

Almost as if she was singing…

 

Ben Solo…

 

Riding _Ben Solo_ …

 

She lunged for the dial, the realization of exactly what she had been singing hitting her like a truck. Switching it back to his, blessedly wordless, classical station she shrank down in her seat. Her face was on fire as she hunched in on herself, looking anywhere but at him, she wondered how likely she would be to survive if she jumped out of the car then and there. They were only doing 50mph after all. She’d probably make it, right? And if not, well it wouldn’t be the worst case scenario.

 

Before she could make good on her shame-induced, borderline suicidal intentions, he had flicked on his blinkers, turning into the drive of an incredibly high class hotel. It was lit up like Christmas in the night air, a smartly dressed Valet immediately stepping out to wave them in.

 

They hadn’t spoken since then.

 

She fiddled with the hem of her dress as they waited. Almost choking in relief when the doorman finally called them forward with an imperious wave. Ren handed over the tickets and, before she knew it, they were being ushered into the golden glow of the SnokeCorp Charity Gala.

 

Evil or not, SnokeCorp knew how to throw a party.

 

It was like stepping into a movie. Everything was decorated in muted metallic shades and crystal accents. The parquet floor already filled with stylish men and women in evening wear, laughing politely to each other over the delicate sounds of half an orchestra at least. She stared, dumbstruck. Entirely forgetting the awkward events of the day as she took in the elegance of it all. Unable to believe that a person like her had been allowed within fifty feet of a party like this.

 

She was so stupefied by it in fact, that she completely missed the half-step down into the room, tripping over her own feet. The world seemed to go into slow motion, heart jumping into her mouth as the treacherous heels made it clear to her that she was about to fall. Hard. Right in front of a room full of Ren’s classy co-workers.

 

Already bracing herself for the impact, and inevitable humiliation, she gasped when someone caught her instead. Ren’s hands wrapping tightly around her waist as she stumbled, ensuring she wouldn’t make any more of a fool of herself than she already had. She scrabbled ungracefully at his shoulders as her ankle threatened to twist. Seizing handfuls of his lapels as she steadied herself on the ridiculous shoes.

 

Stable once more she made the mistake of looking up. Heart racing for an entirely different reason now. The warm light of the chandeliers made his face, even fixed as it was in a breathlessly awkward expression, almost unbearable to look at. Gilded. His touch searing her through the flimsy silk of the dress.

 

“Thanks,” She managed at last, voice at least two octaves higher than it should have been as they stood frozen at the edge of the room. “Nearly- uhm - went over then.”

 

 _State the bloody obvious, Rey_. She thought agitatedly at herself, resisting the urge to run for the hills in the lingering pause. Worried he thought she was half the idiot she currently felt like.

 

“You’re welcome.” He said at last, mouth twitching up into a wry smile.

 

She had to look away, blushing again despite her best efforts not to. Her eyes drifted to his bowtie, she’d managed to knock it off balance during her brush with gravity. Before she could think better of it she loosened her grip on him, reaching up to carefully straighten it between her hands. Intensely aware that his hands had still not left her waist.

 

Risking a glance back up she felt the breath physically leave her body. He was giving her that look again. The one she thought she’d seen in his apartment when she’d handed over the earrings. The one that somehow managed to terrify her in the best possible way.

 

She ran her tongue over suddenly dry lips, heart racing in anticipation.

 

“Ren!” A creepingly snide voice washed through the moment more effectively than a bucket of ice water. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your charming _escort_?”

 


	12. This Is Not the Julia Roberts Movie You Are Looking For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is...well.... Hux and neither Ren nor Rey are good at self-restraint.

Ren resented being forced to socialise. This whole thing was the most pointless form of torture. Having to see everyone he had to spend all day with at work in his limited free time should classify as some kind of cruel and unusual punishment surely.

 

Speaking of which he was pretty sure Rey was punishing him for making her accompany him. She'd started singing extremely inappropriate songs in the car and hadn't shut up until he'd been practically choking. 

 

It was cruel even for her.

 

The thought made him walk a bit faster than normal on the way into the Gala, hustling Rey quicker that was probably comfortable for her, taking advantage of his longer stride. It gave him a perverse feeling of payback, which was fine until he unintentionally yanked her over the step into the main hall. Predictably she stumbled and, without thinking, he caught her round the waist. Dragging her back upright.

 

_ Damnit. _

 

He’d been so good at avoiding touching her in the car. But now with his hands easily spanning her back, the silk of her dress slipping and sliding beneath his fingers, the ridiculous compulsions were back. He could feel the warmth of her skin just below the fabric and all he wanted to do was run his fingers up her spine until they reached her hair and bury them there.

 

“Thanks, nearly- uhm - went over then.”   
  


She sounded distinctly uncomfortable, if he was any sort of gentleman he would let her go immediately. Take a step back, say something to diffuse the tension. Definitely take his hands off her. 

  
He didn’t do any of those things. 

 

Which probably meant he wasn’t a gentleman.    
  
“You’re welcome.” He tried to smile but only managed a slight quirking of his lips. It must look awkwardly like a pained grimace. It didn't seem to terrify her though, didn't make her move away. Instead she reached up, gently straightening his bow-tie in a gesture that felt so painfully intimate it made his throat close. 

 

Common sense was screaming at him, positively screaming that she had a boyfriend. That he was being in biggest asshole in the world right now but…

 

There was a spark of something in her face, in her eyes.

 

He was probably just seeing what he wanted too. The flash of desire he  _ thought  _ was passing across her face was probably just a trick of the soft lighting. The uncomfortable revelation he’d had earlier that he might just possibly be a little attracted to his small, thoroughly annoying stalker was just messing with his head. 

 

But he still hadn’t moved away.

 

“Ren! Aren’t you going to introduce me to your charming  _ escort _ ?”

 

Hux.

 

Of  _ course _ it was Hux.

 

He had so much gel in his hair it had darkened to an unpleasant looking crispy brown. And it was slicked back in style that probably wasn't meant to call to mind b-movie vampires as much as it did.

 

Ren just hoped the idiot’s disgusting insinuation had gone completely over Rey’s head.

 

And wished it wasn't so close to the truth. His parents has hired her, he kept letting himself forget that. She wasn't here because she wanted to be, she was here because she was paid to be. Outside of him she had a smug asshole boyfriend, a weird man-child friend, a horrible shedding dog… in short she had a life, that once she’d completed her job she would have no reason to include him in.

 

“Hux.” He acknowledged, stiffly, taking a half step back from Rey and hoping the other man hadn’t noticed. But  _ of course _ he’d noticed, the slimy smile stretching another inch. 

 

“This is--” 

 

A small, warm hand slipped into his, completely distracting him from his train of thought.

 

He looked down at her, sharply.

 

Rey’s eyes had hardened, as if she’d decided something and a decidedly worrying look of mischief settled on her face. She beamed up at Hux with a smile so sunny he felt a completely bizarre wave of jealousy wash over him.

 

“I’m Rey, Ren’s girlfriend.”

 

The words sent an odd thump of something he couldn’t quite identify through his chest.

 

Hux didn't look the least bit convinced one eyebrow quirking in a studied look of disbelief.

 

“Really? He never talks about you.”

 

Rey's sunny look didn't budge one bit. If anything her look got more beautific, more ridiculously over the top happy.

 

“Oh we’re  _ very _ private.”

 

This was obviously going to go very wrong very quickly. Either Hux was going to trip her up on something or Rey was going to start taking advantage of the situation to embarrass him. He needed an out. 

 

Over the heads of the crowd he caught a glimpse of Phasma, towering above everyone like an amazonian warrior. Maybe she could keep Hux in line, or at least convince him to be less obnoxiously obvious about his insinuations. Ren raised himself up on the balls of his feet, fixing his eyes on the woman, hoping the weight of his stare would make her turn her head this way.

 

“Well...how interesting. Tell me, how ever did you meet? As far as I know Ren is not the type to frequent anywhere he might meet attractive young ladies.”

 

_ Young ladies? How old are you Hux, ninety? _

 

“Oh, his parents introduced us. Set us up really. Now we're living together, still in the honeymoon phase really. Can’t bear to be apart.”

 

Hux frowned, then a slightly triumphant smile crossed his features as he turned to Ren.

 

“You told me your parents were dead. Was that a mistake? Or were they managing your love life from beyond the grave?”

 

“I tell you a lot of things Hux, some of them might even be true.” He muttered, still craning his neck to try and catch Phasma’s eye. It almost seemed like she was deliberately not looking in their direction...

 

A small fist collided with his arm. Hard.

 

“Ow! What was that for?”

 

Rey was glaring at him, the dark makeup making her look even fiercer than normal. The shift in mood from her loved-up happy girlfriend personna a moment ago was utterly jarring.

 

“How could you say your parents were dead? That's...that's monstrous!”

 

For some reason she seemed genuinely put out. He rubbed the bruise forming on his arm and tried to ignore how smug Hux suddenly looked.

 

“I’m going to go get us some drinks.” she announced, glaring at him like she dared him to follow her and then turning on her heel. She was quickly swallowed up by the crowd, lost amongst the tuxedos and fancy dresses. The idea of her being out of his sight worried him slightly. Especially if she was in this kind of mood. 

 

“Oh dear, well I imagine  _ that _ will be docked from her pay. Unless of course you’re into being slapped around, Ren. Wouldn’t surprise me.”

 

Ren stared after her, wondering what had upset her so much. He didn’t think she’d had that much contact with his parents that she would leap so stridently to their defense. Maybe she had more to do with them than he’d initially thought? That might explain her persistence….

 

Hux was blathering on about ‘escorts’ and ‘how pathetic it was to stoop to that level’ but Ren tuned him out, searching the sea of people for a sign of her glossy brown hair. Why couldn’t she have a more distinctive hair colour? Or be taller?  He wished he’d gone with a red dress, or indeed, anything easier to spot in a crowd than _ beige _ . A small note of panic began to bloom in his chest.

 

“... really though, if it had been me I would’ve chosen someone with a bit more about her. She’s terribly plain looking…”

 

That cut through his musings like a red-hot knife. Without thinking he shot out a hand and grabbed Hux’s collar, yanking him closer. The shorter man looked a little taken-back, hand coming up to clamp over his wrist. But Ren’s grip was too strong for him to loosen, his fingers just scrabbled pathetically against his fist. 

 

“Be careful what you say.”

 

“So are you doing a Pretty Woman here Ren? Falling in love with the prostitute, looking to save her from her lowly life, whisk her off to the races, other such nonsense?”

 

His brain caught on one point amidst the seething red cloud of anger.

 

“...you’ve watched  _ Pretty Woman _ ?”

 

Hux looked taken aback, a slight twitch of embarrassment crossing his face.

 

“I-you-- that’s not the point!”

 

Ren shook away the distraction, hand tightening until the collar started to cut into Hux’s neck.

 

“One more comment about her. One more.”

 

Hux managed to sneer even as he turned steadily more red.

 

“Or you’ll what? Strangle me to death in a hall of witnesses over some whore? You really are the most pathetic lowlife, what’s wrong mummy didn’t love you enough when you were a kid so now you’re projecting--”

 

Hux’s gaze flickered over to the right and Ren became distinctly aware that someone was watching them. Not loosening his grip lest Hux use the opportunity to get free, he glanced over.

 

Rey was standing there, a half-full glass in her hand and a blank look on her face.

 

How long had she been there? How much had she heard? Was she upset over Hux’s ridiculous-- 

 

Her hand flashed forward, upending a half-full glass of what was probably incredibly expensive wine over Hux’s head. Ren barely had time to drop the little cretin and jump back, nearly caught in the splash back. 

 

“Whoops, my glass slipped.”

 

She stepped closer, somehow managing to radiate menace despite being several inches shorter than Hux. even in heels.

 

“Listen up, asshole, if I say I’m his girlfriend I’m his girlfriend okay? And even if I wasn’t, you really think I’d let you talk to anyone I considered a friend like that? You think I’d let anyone talk to  _ me _ like that. You’re disgusting.” 

 

“You're going a little above and beyond your job description,” Hux managed to splutter, wine running in rivulets down his face to soak his dinner jacket. Ren hoped it was rented from somewhere that charged an exorbitant fee for cleaning. The anger was beginning to abate a little, leaving him feeling shaken and tired. He’d assaulted his co-worker at a charity gala. Surrounded by people he was supposed to be impressing. 

 

On the plus side it probably meant they’d never invite him to one again.

 

Rey’s hand landed on his arm, the unexpected pressure making him turn. She stood right up on her tiptoes and grabbed his face, yanking him down to her level, her wine-sticky fingers damp against his skin. Her eyes looked wild, half-crazed as if she’d just decided to jump off a cliff or rob a bank, a determined kind of insanity. 

 

“Just for the record,” she whispered “I know this is a terrible idea.”

 

Then she pushed forward to erase the last bit of space between them. He could taste the wine on her lips, a hint acidic. Rich and warm, and underneath that something vaguely waxy and vanilla-ish that was probably her lipstick.

 

It was less a kiss than an angry declaration, staking a claim.

 

It throbbed with possessiveness, screamed ‘mine, mine, mine, mine’ to everyone in the room who cared to look and he felt something deep within him respond sharply to that. He surged forward, clamping his hands on her waist and hauling her toward him. Kissing her back, hard and angrily, pouring all his frustration into the motion of his mouth against hers. 

 

Hux ceased to exist to him, the whole gala could go to hell for all he cared, as he threw himself into kissing her back, twisting his hands in her silky hair and tilting her head. 

 

He wanted to let himself believe, for just one moment, that it was real. That someone  _ wanted  _ him.

 

It was so foolish.

 


	13. Drunk Enough to Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes an A-grade stupid decision and deals with it in the traditional way. Wine. Lots of wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by the Queen of Winesteros, Snowfright - Drink responsibly kids!

What an asshole. What a complete and total asshole.

 

“I’m going to go get us some drinks.” Rey glared at the man beside her. Hard. Turning on her heel and stomping away into the crowd.

 

Let Ren stay there and chat it up with that utter wanker of a co-worker of his. They could do all the masculine posturing they wanted, Rey just needed a drink. Or seven.

 

Ren could get his own.

 

She growled, startling several passers by, as she hunted for a bar, a drinks table, anything. Almost cheering in triumph when she finally came upon a waiter in a penguin suit bearing a tray full of champagne flutes. She took two and chugged them both. 

 

Wiping her mouth she leant back against the far wall, trying to move past the anger that was building inside her. And worse than that, the  _ disappointment _ . Just when she was starting to think he was alright. More than alright. When she’d started to think, crazily, that maybe he liked her as a friend. More than a friend. 

 

Her heart thumped and she turned her glare angrily at the floor. Nope. Forget it. He was an asshole.

 

An asshole with  _ parents _ . Real live ones that cared where he was. That loved him so much they were willing to shell out big bucks for her to follow him around for months at a time, just on the off chance she might convince him to see them again.

 

The anger rose again, stinging the back of her eyes and tightening her throat. How could he say something like that? Lie like that about the people who should’ve meant the most to him? Her chest tightened painfully. He had no idea what it was like to be truly orphaned in the world. To not know where your parents were, or even if they were still alive. If they’d dumped you like a mouldy old couch on the curbside, or if they were desperately searching for you without hope.

 

He had no freaking idea what it was like to have no parents.

 

She looked around with sigh, gaze focusing in on another passing penguin and darting to snag another glass.

 

Drinking half of it for courage she pulled herself up right. She was going to make him pay for that. Embarrass him thoroughly in front of all his fancy work mates. Trip him over. Introduce herself by some stupid name. Tell everyone hilarious made up stories about him.

 

Like he still slept with seventeen teddy bears all named Cuddles. Or that he actually really enjoyed knitting in his spare time.

 

Mind made up she marched back towards where she’d left him. He still seemed to be fighting with the ginger prick, hand now wrapped tightly around his collar as he stared bloody murder down at the shorter man. She hesitated, just out of their line of sight as their words drifted over to her.

 

“One more comment about her. One more.” Ren warned, barely restrained fury turning his voice into a growl.

 

Rey felt her heart stutter. They were talking about her. 

“Or you’ll what?” The other man sneered back, pale blue eyes flashing with contempt. “Strangle me to death in a hall of witnesses over some  _ whore? _ You really are the most pathetic lowlife, what’s wrong mummy didn’t love you enough when you were a kid so now you’re projecting--”

 

She froze as Ren noticed her at last. He looked horrified, concern widening his eyes as he stared at her. Face draining of colour.

 

She tipped her chin up, marching smartly across the floor before she could stop herself and hurling the remnants of her wine right in the ginger bastards face. Ren jumped back, stepping to her side as she stared coldly up at the nomark who had dared talk about her like that.

 

Who had  _ dared  _ talk to Ren like that.

 

“Whoops,” She said, voice icy calm. “My glass slipped.” She could feel the fury beating in her chest like a drum, getting louder and louder until it was all she could hear. She had to give this guy a piece of her mind. “Listen up, asshole, if I say I’m his girlfriend I’m his girlfriend okay? And even if I wasn’t, you really think I’d let you talk to anyone I considered a friend like that? You think I’d let anyone talk to me like that. You’re disgusting.”

She could feel it shaking through her, still incensed that someone would even think of talking to her friend like that. And damn it Ren was her friend, even if he was a complete bastard sometimes. He was  _ her _ bastard. And she protected her own.

 

“You're going a little above and beyond your job description,” The man sneered, still dripping with wine.

 

Something in her snapped.

 

It was time to do something stupid. A-grade stupid.

 

Grabbing Ren’s arm she pulled him towards her. Having to stand on her tip toes even in the murderous heels just so she could yank his face down to hers. He was so ridiculously tall.

“Just for the record,” she muttered, hoping he’d eventually forgive her for the stunt she was about to pull. “I know this is a terrible idea.”

Before he could respond she kissed him. Hard. Showing everyone in the room  _ exactly _ who he was with. That he was cared for.  _ Wanted _ . He froze beneath her hands, lips warm but still. Shocked. Her mind caught up with her, about to pull back when...

 

He started kissing her back.

 

She barely had chance to suck in a breath before his hands had claimed her waist, dragging her into the warm press of his body. He kissed her like a dying man, desperate and burning and everywhere at once until he was all she knew. She willingly forgot everything, giving up on the time, place, even her own name, as he kissed every thought from her head. His hands tangled in her hair, nails scraping against the sensitive skin of her scalp and she barely swallowed back a moan. The world falling away beneath her feet as she gave herself completely to the kiss.

 

Somewhere, someone cleared their throat.

 

Loudly.

 

Reality rushed back in. They sprang apart like they’d been shocked, Rey unable to suppress a wide-eyed gasp as they were interrupted.

 

The Valkyrie.

 

“I don’t mean to be impolite but this is hardly the time or place for this kind of display, Ren. Ren’s date.” 

 

She was even more impressive up close, a hundred feet tall and dressed to kill in a slinky silver dress that seemed to shine in the soft lighting. Not that Rey could truly appreciate it. She was too busy trying to remember how to breathe, her face burning as she struggled to comprehend what had just happened.

 

She shot him a glance out of the corner of her eye, only to find he was looking in entirely the other direction, obviously uncomfortable. She’d been so swept in her own feelings she’d managed to completely misinterpret his. The realization stunned her. She’d crossed a line. Several lines. A hundred lines. And he had played along, sure, so as not to embarrass her. But he wasn’t the one gasping for breath now. The one staring in quiet awe. No, quite the contrary, he couldn’t even  _ look  _ at her.

 

She was mortified.

 

And even worse the Valkyrie seemed as equally unimpressed by it as he was. 

 

The towering woman turned her attention to the other man, the one still gaping at them like a drunken fish.

 

“And Hux, really. Go and clean yourself up.” Her voice was prim, reserved even.  _ Hux _ . That was his name, the ginger bastard Ren had tried to strangle on her behalf.

 

The blush redoubled itself. She consoled herself with the knowledge that at least she couldn’t possibly be as red as Hux was though. His pallid, weaselly face now only a few shades off of burgundy in the dulex paint chart. It was almost enough to distract her. Almost.

 

“I wasn’t - I didn’t-  _ Ren’s Date-”  _ He spluttered, still soaking wet and vibrating with anger.

 

The woman cut him off with a singular arched brow, face telling him plainly just how far that line of speech would get him. Practically spitting with fury, Hux turned heel and stormed away from them. Leaving them alone under the cooly censuress blue eyes of the very tall woman.

 

“Ren, you should introduce us.” The Valkyrie pointed out after a moment had passed in unbearably awkward silence. Looking down at both of them from her impressive height.

 

“What? Oh right-” He straightened up under the gaze, cool demeanour dropping back into place as he managed to gesture at Rey without ever once meeting her eyes. Something she felt keenly. “Phasma, this is my… date, Rey. Rey, this is Senior Personnel Manager, Phasma.”

 

_ Phasma.  _ There was a perfect name if ever she’d heard one. She imagined the imposing woman didn’t need any other, like Cher. Or Madonna.

 

“It is very nice to meet you Rey.” She reached out a hand in the firmest, most business-like handshake Rey had ever received before turning her attention back to Ren. “Now Ren, if you’ll please remember you’re here as a representative of Mr Snoke. We must maintain the good image of the company at all times. If you could bear that in mind when conducting yourself in future.”

 

Ren’s mouth tightened into a firm line, not that she was at all focusing on his mouth at all. He looked, if anything, even more uncomfortable. Like a child being chastised.

 

“Yes, of course.” He bit out smartly. 

 

“Thank you.” Half turning she gestured to a group of suits lingering near the wall, “Now if you’ll come with me there are some investors that would like to speak to you. Rey.” Phasma nodded to her once, a polite dismissal, then absconded with her date.

 

Rey was glad to watch him go. Her heart still thundering traitorously in her chest, lips bee-stung and burning with the thought of what had just taken place.

 

She pressed a hand to them, turning away to hide her blush as he disappeared into the crowd. Good. He didn’t need to witness exactly how much wine she’d need to drink to get over it.

 

When he finally returned, three drinks later, she was decidedly tipsy enough that she didn’t fall apart at the sight of him. No, she plastered on a smile instead, bubbles fizzing happily inside her stomach as she tried to act nonchalant. Like nothing had happened.

 

He looked less pleased. A dark cloud following him. It also seemed that that he’d decided to join her on the first train out of sobersville, one of the champagne flutes clutched in his oversized hands. She thought determinedly about everything other than how those hands had felt in her hair as he chugged it back.

 

“You won’t be driving back then?” She said in way of a greeting as he finally made it to her side, throwing dark little looks over his shoulder every few moments at the cavalcade of business people he’d left in his wake.

 

“No.” He said, draining the glass and grabbing another from a passing waiter. She rushed to do the same, almost tripping over herself again as she reached for it. He stopped her with wave, catching up with the waiter easily and returning with a second glass. He thrust it into her hand without looking at her. “I will not be driving. I’ll call a cab, it should be safe for us to escape now.”

 

Another glower at the crowd that made her wonder exactly what had gone on with the investors in the last hour to make him so much grumpier than usual.

 

Unless he was still mad at her for hurling herself at him and embarrassing him completely in front of his co-workers. Yup that was probably it. She sucked in a breath, fighting to keep the smile in place.

 

“No need.” She chugged the rest of the wine in one go. “I’ll get us a ride.” 

 

Pushing the empty glass into his hand she marched away before he could protest. Trying to ignore the way her fingers tingled at the contact.

 

Stupid traitorous fingers.

 

She waited until she’d rounded the corner before pulling her phone out from the only place she had been able to stash it. Her bra. 

 

She hit the speed dial.

 

“You’ve dialed the love hotline, Commander Loving speaki-”

 

“Dameron,” Rey cut him off sharper than she intended, “Please for the love of all things holy stop talking and say you can come and pick me up?”

 

“Rey - are you okay?” His voice was suddenly uncharacteristically serious. “Are you in trouble?”

 

“Noooo,” She was aware the alcohol had made her whiny but she didn’t care. Just happy to hear her friends stupid familiar voice. “I’ve made a complete and total tit of myself though. I’m at this fancy gala at the,” she hiccuped as she tried to remember the name, “Grand Regency Hotel with Ren and I’ve been drinking my feelings and we need a ride home.”

 

“ _ We _ , is it?” The teasing tone was back, she could practically hear his eyebrows dancing over the phone. “What did you do Rey?”

 

“Nothing I will ever admit to in court.” She snarked, wishing the ground would swallow her whole then and there and save her this endless embarrassment. 

 

“Reyyyyygun. Tell Uncle Poe what happened or I might just book a prior engagement and leave you there.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” She felt her face flushing, “also it is super creepy when you call yourself  _ Uncle Poe _ .”

 

“Hmmm….” He wasn’t giving up that easily. She steeled herself to tell him the whole, awful truth.

 

“Look I just..” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was in earshot, dropping her voice to an angry whisper. “I might’ve  _ kissed  _ him. Ren. Some prick was bad mouthing him and I don’t know what happened, I had a momentary lapse of sanity or something! All I know is that I ended up throwing myself at him and now everything is bad and awkward - _ and can you please stop laughing at me? _ ”

 

“Oh no way.” Poe cackled, “And don’t think we aren’t talking about your latent Snape fetish later on. We’re going over that in detail.”

 

“Later.” She bit out through gritted teeth, already regretting telling him anything. She should have just made something up. Stupid brain. “Just please, come and pick us up? And bring more booze? I need to get way more drunk, like… black out drunk after this train wreck.”

 

“Alright then” Poe sighed theatrically, “I suppose we could swing by. Me and Finn are actually not that far from the Grand as it happens, we’ll be outside in ten minutes.”

 

“You’re the best.”

 

“Yeah I am!” He cheered before hanging up on her.

 

She sighed. He was coming to get them and that was all that mattered. Someone cleared their throat from behind her and she nearly leapt out of her skin. Ren had discovered her hiding spot, lurking behind her like a big, bad tempered, very good kissing, bat.

 

Her blush redoubled, reminding herself that it was just a good thing he hadn’t found her two minutes earlier. That was one conversation he did  _ not  _ have to overhear.

 

“They’ll be here soon.” She offered, holding up the phone stupidly in way of explanation. He still wouldn’t look at her.

 

She felt her heart sink further, puddling somewhere near her knees as he glowered at the spot beside her head. 

 

“Great.” He said shortly, before turning on his heel and marching for the front door.

 

_ Hurry up and save me Poe,  _ She thought desperately, running her hands over her face and not caring a bit if she smudged all her make-up off in the process.  _ You’re my only hope. _

 


	14. Driving in Cars with Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren hates everyone. Especially Poe

He knew.

 

The unrepentant bastard  _ knew _ Ren had kissed his girlfriend. And now he was tormenting him with it.

 

“...I just want your extra time and your...KISS!” The asshole didn't even have the decency to be a bad singer. 

 

Ren was crammed in the back seat, legs jammed awkwardly into the tiny space, knees practically touching his chin. Rey barely looked more comfortable next to him. And worse still, every time the singing jackass swung round a corner they slid into each other, hips pressing tightly together, trying desperately not to fall on top of each other. If Poe (ridiculous name) had been any sort of gentleman he would have turfed the other one-- Finn-- out and at least let Rey ride ride in front.

 

If he could punch just one person in the face without any repercussions…well it would be Hux actually but this asshole came a close second.

 

The song segwayed neatly into ‘Kiss Me’ and the singing from the front got even louder and more pointed. Finn had started to join in now though it seemed to be more likely he simply liked the song.

 

“Oh here you go Rey-bey, as ordered.” The Asshole decided to blatantly disregard road safety laws and fumble around in the foot well, producing a bottle of whiskey.

 

A look of relief washed over Rey’s face as she grabbed for it, cradling the glass bottle like it was her firstborn child. Not that he blamed her at all.

 

This whole evening had been excruciating. 

 

He should have stayed sober, should have driven her home himself. At least that way they could’ve been alone enough to talk about what had happened, he could have apologised for Hux and then… well… she could explain why she kissed him. 

 

They might have had the chance in the gala itself if Phasma hadn’t towed him off to speak to the investors. Technically he shouldn’t be annoyed, technically it was part of his job description. But that hadn’t stopped him completely seething the entire time.

 

The ludicrous thing had been, even when he was hovering while Phasma charmed them all he could think was how awful Rey would find them. How dishonest and slimy she would think they were. Which was plain ridiculous because why should he care what she thought about them? He’d worked for this company for years, he’d learnt how to ignore his conscience pretty thoroughly. But there had been the strange the realisation that he had…respect for her and her opinion. He cared more for the opinion of the girl whose judgement had led her into dating the world’s biggest asshole and nearly freezing to death in her car than he did for anyone who worked at the company. 

 

The car veered wildly around another corner and Rey practically spilled into his lap, one hand holding the whiskey bottle aloft so it didn’t spill. She looked up at him, red-faced, and smiled apologetically. He had to immediately look away.

 

That was another thing, he now couldn’t look at her without his mind playing a detailed flashback to how her lips had pressed against his, her small body warm in his arms, the heady thrill of how aggressively she’d kissed him.

 

This had to be some kind of cosmic punishment. 

 

He heard her click off her seatbelt, in his peripheral vision he could see her leaning forward between the gap in the front seats. He bit back the urge to tell her to sit back down and put it back on, to lecture her about safety statistics. Instead he just turned his head and stared determinedly out of the window as she struck up a conversation with the two men in the front. 

 

“I’m surprised you weren’t on at the bar, it’s Friday night.”

 

The asshole boyfriend laughed.

 

“Who says I wasn’t?” 

 

“Well you’re driving so I hope not.”

 

He hoped so too. There were already so many safety issues if the man was drunk too they were liable to all be dead before they reached his apartment. 

 

“I don’t go to a bar to drink, I go to meet new and interesting people and make out with them.”

 

Ren’s brain screeched to a halt. 

 

“ _ What _ ?”

 

The other man looked at him in the rearview mirror, raising an eyebrow and looking entirely nonchalant. As if cheating on his girlfriend was an everyday occurrence. Ren whipped round to look at Rey but she was just slouching back down in her seat, determinedly slugging back shots from the neck of whiskey bottle . 

 

How  _ dare _ he. Was he cheating on her? Or was it some kind of open relationship? Was that what this was about? What had this man done to Rey’s confidence that she would agree to that kind of charade?

Was... that why she kissed him? Had she thought he’d be  _ okay _ with that because her boyfriend was also out sticking his tongue down other peoples throats?

 

Rey offered him the bottle and after a moment's hesitation he grabbed it, downing a substantial gulp, letting the whiskey burn in his chest. It didn’t help his already muddled thoughts but it calmed him a little.

 

Okay just the facts. She had a boyfriend who clearly making out with random people in bars. She seemed to be okay with that, possibly due to brainwashing.  She had kissed him at the Gala, in front of all his co-workers. It hadn’t felt like it was merely for show.

 

It was a difficult concept to get his head around. Was kissing just something incredibly casual to these people?

 

Had it been her equivalent of giving him a handshake or a friendly hug?

 

“Annnnnd we’re here!” The complete bastard announced from the front. 

 

The car had barely stopped moving but Ren shoved the door open, struggling out onto the pavement. He couldn’t be in that car a moment longer. 

 

He was torn between two conflicting impulses.

 

One was to take hold of her and whisk her up the apartment, lock the door behind them and gently explain to her that what her boyfriend was doing to her was wrong. That her youth and presumable relative inexperience had made her a target for what was essentially a predator. And that, despite what he may have made her believe, it wasn’t normal to randomly kiss people unless you really meant it. And to gradually help her make her way out of the toxic situation she’d found herself in.

 

The second was to grab her arm, shove her up against the nearest wall and let her know exactly how shitty her little stunt had made him feel. He’d thought she _ wanted _ him. It had been stupid and ridiculous but it had made him feel something for her. Then the realisation had come crashing down. But it was too late, he knew what her lips felt like now and he was going to have to spend every damned hour of every damned day not kissing her again. Which was entirely unfair.  He wanted to yell at her until she realised what she’d done to him. Maybe even kiss her again, kiss her until she realised how it felt to want something so badly you thought you might die. 

 

Instead what he did was to fumble open the door to his building and storm all the way up to his apartment. He could hear footsteps beside him, turned just enough to confirm it was Rey. Maybe she did want to talk this over after-all.

 

She leant on the wall next to him, eyes drooping and hair nearly entirely escaped from her up-do. Her eye make-up was completely smeared around her eyes now, looking more like war-paint that anything. It should have looked messy and off-putting.

 

It didn’t. 

 

The considerably lighter whiskey bottle was still in her hand and she offered it to him again, that somehow shy half-smile pulling at the corner of her lips.

 

“C’mon, you need to be more drunk. I can’t be this drunk alone.” She murmured. leaning so close to him so he could smell the whiskey on her breath. 

 

She pushed the whiskey bottle right in his face, until his lips were touching the neck. Hastily he grabbed it, taking the smallest mouthful he thought he could manage without offending her and handing it back. Their fingers brushed  and he watched as she licked her lips. Running her tongue gently across her bottom lip as if she were thinking about what else she could be doing with those lips, that tongue. Her eyes were positively burning as she watched him.

 

He made a small, rather undignified sound that might have been somewhat akin to a whimper.

 

Exactly...exactly how open of a relationship were those two in?.

 

Why was she  _ here _ ?

 

He jammed his key in the lock and finally got his shaking hands to open the door.

 

Rey wandered through the archway to flop down on his bed. She lay there, with her hair spilling over her side of his bed, long legs stretched out towards his pillow, looking at him upside down as if she was trying to work something out.

 

Almost without permission his legs began to walk him toward her.

 

Two different hands appeared on either side of his chest. He looked down to see that the friend and the boyfriend had followed them inside and were now determinedly steering him toward his couch. The back of his knees hit the seat and he plunked down rather unceremoniously, staring up at the two uninvited guests.

 

“We’re not letting you go in there.” The jackass was smiling, looking friendly and even...yes, a little  _ sympathetic  _ as he said it. Ren could feel himself turning red, though whether it was from anger or embarrassment he didn’t know.

 

“It’s my bedroom. In fact this is  _ my  _ apartment and I don’t recall inviting you in.”

 

Rey had reappeared, hanging onto the archway for support. She looked slightly confused by the turn of events, rubbing her eyes so the smokey stuff she had on it smeared even further across her cheek in stripes of pale grey. He wanted to walk up and wipe it off with his thumb, gently. 

 

“No offense but you’re drunk, she’s drunk. Two drunk attractive people who have just made out with each other. Alone. We’ve seen movies. We know what happens.” Finn was looking between the two of them seriously. He wondered what the friend made of Rey and the assholes weird relationship. 

 

“‘Movies?” Rey said deadpan. 

 

“Well… porn.” The asshole jumped in, with a slimy smile. He was rapidly overtaking Hux for the number one spot in the ‘would punch where there no repercussions’ stakes. 

 

“Well what do you propose we do all night? If you won’t let me  _ sleep _ .” He could feel the traitorous flush spreading further down his neck. Of course all he meant to do was sleep, he hadn’t been going in there to... _ do _ anything. Not when she was drunk. 

 

Finn beamed at them, rummaging around in the bag he was carrying before producing a large box.

 

“We brought Twister!”

 

Ren wondered briefly how much whiskey it would take to render him unconscious. 

  
  



	15. It's Going Down (Poe's Yelling Timber)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the game of Twister you win, or you die (of embarrassment)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright <3

 

 

Poe was a shifty bastard and Rey had never liked him anyway.

 

Well, yes he picked them up, and yes he brought them liquor. But still, she was 99% sure she was never going to forgive him for the endless ‘kiss’ themed playlist he’d somehow managed to assemble between the time she called him and the time he picked them up.

 

Unless he already a kiss-themed playlist on his phone. Which, okay, wasn’t the most far-fetched thing for him.

 

And then there were the corners! The endless, sharp-turned corners in the plush black leather backseat of his car where she’d had to scrabble desperately each time so as not to end up in Ren’s lap. Although she had kinda wanted to end up in his lap.

 

Stupid Ren.

 

He still couldn’t look at her. Except for one or two sharp glares she’d picked up when he thought she wasn’t looking. It didn’t help that every time she’d thought she’d gotten past it at last she’d fallen straight back into technicolour flashbacks. Vividly recalling the feeling of being pressed against him, with his mouth over hers and his hand in her hair and… damn him. Damn everyone.

 

She couldn’t figure him out. 

 

She  _ wanted _ to figure him out.

 

He’d kissed her back hadn’t he? Had he? She was so confused, her brain gone all wibbley from the alcohol.

 

He was finally looking at her again, eyes unreadable in the dim light of his bedroom. They’d made it back to his apartment at last, Poe and Finn trailing behind them as she’d flopped onto his bed to try and get her head on straight. Try to figure out a plan. That’s what she needed. A plan.

 

A sensible one.

 

Which would be easier if he’d stop looking at her.

 

The boys appeared at last, pulling him out of view and letting her think at least semi-coherently for a moment. She needed to talk to him like a sensible adult person. Explain what had happened, why she’d kissed him. Tell him that she was sorry if she’d made him uncomfortable. That, whilst she personally wouldn’t be averse to kissing him again, she would fully respect his boundaries in future.

 

But first she had to stand up.

 

Dragging herself upright she tottered back into the main room. clutching onto the archway for support. The whiskey was making her wonderfully light headed, but it wasn’t yet enough to dim the stabbing pain in her feet.  _ The shoes. _

 

“We brought Twister!” Poe grinned, holding up the familiar box. She bit back a groan.  _ Twister _ . That definitely was not part of the plan.

 

“Waiiiiit.” She held up a hand, waving at them to be quiet as she pulled her awful shoes off and tossed them unceremoniously into the corner. She almost cried with relief, toes aching now they’d finally been released. Padding across the floor barefoot she took hold of Ren’s arm without looking at him. “I need to talk to this one first. We will be in the hallway.”

 

There was no way she was going to let herself be ignored for the rest of the night, week, however long he planned to keep it up. Nope. It was conversation time.

 

“Rey-bey-” Poe started but she silenced him by shoving her finger against his mouth as they passed, dropping the whiskey bottle into his hands.

 

“Shh, Dameron. This isn’t gonna be one of your ‘ _ movies’." _   Towing Ren along behind her she pulled him out into the quiet of the hallway, calling back. “Stay in there kids!”

 

Ren was so much taller now she’d gotten rid of those ghastly nightmare heels. Like a giant person. His bow tie had come undone some point, it looked silly with the top button still fastened. She had to physically fight herself not to reach up and undo it for him.

 

_ Boundaries, Rey.  _ She reminded herself. She doubted that kind of move would be appreciated by the man who clearly did not want to kiss her. 

 

“We need to-” She barely got three words out before Ren cut her off. Face turning an interesting shade of pink as he launched into what she could only describe as a tirade.

 

“Look - I don’t know what you were thinking back there but just because you’re in an open relationship and are comfortable with _ \-  _ with kissing other people doesn’t mean I am.”

 

She froze, her not-so-carefully planned speech fading from her mind as she gaped at him.

 

“- Also - you really need to consider why you’re with that - that  _ man.  _ I can only assume your young age has left you susceptible to his  _ brainwashing.  _ You should really consid-”

 

_ Not again _ . Why did everyone think she’s been brainwashed? The wonderful fuzzy lightheadness was fading, becoming rapidly overtaken by a wash of anger as it became abundantly clear what he thought of her.

 

“Your  _ boyfriend _ is clearly a predatory jackass and you should really-”

 

That he thought she’d even do something like that if she was dating someone. That she’d - that she could possibly. Her hands clenched at her side. She had officially had enough of that noise.

 

“HIS NAME IS POE.” She shouted, cutting him off at last. “AND HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, YOU ASSHOLE.”

 

“Wai-” Ren snapped his mouth shut and she took a seething pleasure in how red his ears were turning. He stared at her like she’d told him the sky was falling. “He’s not-? Then why did you...” His voice took on an odd high-pitched edge. “ _ Why did you kiss me _ ?”

 

It was her turn to blush. She fought it back, pulling herself up to her full height under his gaze. Which was much less impressive standing in her stockings on the cold hallway floor than it would’ve been earlier. Maybe she should have left the shoes on.

 

Clearing her throat she met his eyes. “I just did okay. It happened. Don’t pop a blood vessel over it!” Unable to stop the heat from spreading in her face she tried to make herself even taller still. “And trust me, If you hated it that much I promise you I will  _ never  _ do it _ again.”  _

 

Which was actually kind of a hilarious thing to say because, even through the righteous indignation and fuzzy anger, she still wanted to make out with his stupid red face. Pull him down to her level and kiss him until he shut the hell up.

 

“I didn’t say I hated it!” He threw his hands up. Those oversized hands that had felt so good against her skin... She shook her head sharply and tried to focus on his words. “Just that you should have consulted me before pulling a stunt like that. You certainly shouldn’t have let me believe you had a boyfriend!” 

 

“Let you-? Are you actually joking?” She was stunned by his arrogance. That he could think that little of her to think she’d cheat on her imaginary boyfriend like that. That she could toy with  _ him  _ like that. “And anyway there wasn’t exactly time! You were getting your ass kicked by that dick you work with and I just wanted to-” 

 

She trailed off, hands clenched tightly at her sides to stop herself from leaping at him. She didn’t think she’s ever been so angry before. Or confused. Stuck smack-bang between wanting to tear his face off and tear his clothes off.

  
  


“Wanted to?” He prompted her, eyes flashing with challenge. 

 

She became suddenly aware that she was breathing much harder than usual. Unable to drag her eyes from the whiskey-slicked curve of his lips. He was glaring at her like he was about to kill her.

 

Or devour her whole.

 

“I don’t know!” She almost yelled, embarrassment burning her skin like a live flame. Chased by an entirely inappropriate shiver as she realized that they’d somehow ended up much closer in the hallway then they had been. “I just wanted to do it - okay?!”

 

“I- I-” He stuttered, dark eyes focused on her mouth. She bit down on her bottom lip without thinking, his gaze feeling like a physical weight where it rested there. Dangerous and promising. She wasn’t the only one having trouble breathing it seemed. “Fine.”

 

“Fine.” She glared at him. Hard. Daring him to do something. Almost begging him to cross the scant few inches left between them and kiss her before her head exploded.

 

He took a half step forward and her heart picked up, pounding hard enough to burst as she took a sharp gasp of anticipation.

 

“Aww, have you guys kissed and made up yet?” Poe opened the door with a bang, sending them leaping apart once more and Rey fighting the urge to throttle her friend for his timing. The look they gave him had him backing up a step with a wave. “Woah okay bad joke, bad joke! If you two are quite done with all this boiling sexual tension though, it’s Twister time.”

 

“I am  _ not  _ playing twister.” Ren’s voice had become a growl. Rumbling down her spine in a really inappropriate way.

 

Which just made her angrier. Now not only was he not kissing her, but he was also being a dick to her friends. Unforgivable.

 

“Why’s that?” She bit the words out before she could think better of it, tipping her head back in a challenge. “Can’t handle it?”

 

“I can handle it.” He replied, fixing his attention her again. She almost melted beneath his gaze, only the sheer stubborn fire of her annoyance at him keeping her knees locked and legs upright as she glared back at him.

 

“Yeah?” She raised an eyebrow, shaking with rage. Well, something she was going to keep telling herself was rage anyway.

 

“Yeah.” He breathed, fists clenching at his side.

 

“I’m going to kick your ass.” Pushing past him she stomped angrily back into the apartment. “Dameron! It’s mother fucking twister time!”

 

“This is the best night of my life.” Poe cackled, spreading his arms towards the mat already set up in Ren’s empty apartment. It looked ridiculous in the modern minimalist decor but she didn’t care, too hopped up on adrenaline. All she could think about was shoving Ren’s face in her clearly superior twister skills.

 

She’d show him.

 

Show him that this was a really,  _ really _ bad idea. It took less than five minutes to regret taunting him into the game. Finn lost after two moves, shrugging off defeat with a grin and going to make margaritas on Ren’s breakfast bar. She kept going much longer, the fire of her rage (and the whiskey) keeping her on competitive form as she angrily twisted her limbs around with a skill honed from going to way too many of Poe’s parties.

 

That was until she realized just how compromising twister really was. He was  _ everywhere.  _ Suit jacket discarded, top button undone, trapping her in a tangle of long, firm limbs. She could feel his hair brushing the skin of her exposed shoulder, trying not to notice the warm, sweetly alcoholic exhale of his breath against her neck. Each movement sending heat licking through her to pool low in her abdomen, fuelling her panic.

 

If there was a hell, this was it.

 

And her dress was riding up. She should never have agreed to play twister in an evening gown. Or at all. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek as he shifted against her. She just had to wait it out, knock him over and then drink until she passed out. Possibly whilst taking the coldest god damn shower of her life.

 

“Wait-” His low voice beside her ear nearly toppled her, but his attention wasn’t focused on her. It was on Poe. “He’s cheating! You’re not even spinning the dial anymore!”

 

She risked a glance over, only to end up inadvertently bumping right into his face. Feeling the warm brush of his skin against her jaw before she could pull back, heart thundering so hard there was no way he couldn’t hear it. Couldn’t feel it rushing under her skin in all the places they touched.

 

“How dare you!” Poe gasped, clutching a hand to his chest in a display of indignation. “Of course I am.” As if to prove his point he very deliberately spun the dial. The little plastic pointy thing seeming to point at red as his eyes narrowed. “Left hand yellow.” 

 

Fucking. Poe.

 

“No, It’s clearly-”

 

“Shut it Ren.” She almost shouted at him, voice oddly squeaky in her own ears. “Just play the goddamn game.”

 

She didn’t care if Dameron was cheating. She didn’t care if it was only a stupid game of Twister. All she wanted was to win this bloody game, prove she was better than him so he wouldn’t have anything else to hold over her. And preferably win it quickly. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could last like this. Glaring at her Ren complied, reaching over her until they were so close she couldn’t tell where he ended and she began.

 

“Rey, right hand green.”

 

Gritting her teeth she complied, twisting her torso awkwardly. Scraping against the soft fabric of his shirt as she contorted herself. The position leaving them face to face.

 

Her mind went blank. All she could think about was that stupid kiss and the heat still boiling in her veins. Threatening to burn her alive. His eyes were true black above her, pupils blown wide as he looked down at her with such intensity the world vanished around them. 

 

Her breath caught in her lungs and she realized with a start that she was falling.

 

And not just metaphorically.

 

“TIMBER!” She heard Poe scream from across the room, a jubilant sound track to her ungainly crash as she tumbled to the mat. Taking Ren with her.

  
  
  
  



	16. The Kid Is Not Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is okay. It’s never been okay and it never will be

“I won.”

 

Ren blurted it out without thinking. It was a stupid thing to say. He didn't care about winning. He hadn't even wanted to play this stupid game anyway, what kind of rational adult played twister?

 

But his brain couldn’t come up with anything more eloquent to say. Probably because Rey was just...lying there beneath him. Hair fallen completely out of its style to fan out either side of her head. One of her hands resting palm up beside her face, fingers slightly curled. She looked a little shell-shocked, bashful and...flushed. She looked perfect.

 

However she did also look very uncomfortable.

 

Probably because every conceivable inch of his body was pressed up against hers.

 

He could feel his palms, sweaty against the cheap plastic of the Twister mat. The urge to move his hands up, bury them in her hair, tilt her head up to his was almost irresistible. Before the thought that she'd had a boyfriend had allowed him to keep a lid on his more base impulses. Now it was more difficult to remind himself that he should behave like a gentleman. When there was a girl lying underneath him like this. A very attractive decidedly boyfriend-less girl who had wanted to kiss him. There was an ache, a want in his chest that had settled there like a tight painful fist.

 

He should get up. He really needed to move away from her. Because certain parts of him were definitely more happy about this situation than others. And if she noticed that then his encounter would probably cross the line from ‘a little ungentlemanly’ to ‘complete pervert’.

 

Maybe she wouldn't notice if he kept very still.

 

He heard her soft, sharp intake of breath and saw her eyes widen. She had definitely noticed. 

 

He thought he might be going slightly insane. Either he should run away, lock himself in the bathroom and never come out again or he should throw himself into this, consequences be damned.

 

His shaking fingers crept up, barely brushing the skin of her arm. Feeling the softness of her bare skin under his fingertips. A small touch, a safe touch but...

 

She shifted a little, her breathing hitching, mouth falling open in surprise. He watched transfixed as her gaze dropped to his mouth and he suddenly knew she was thinking of kissing him again.

 

“Can I just remind you both that I’m sitting  _ right here _ . I mean, hey, not that I’m not enjoying the show but Finn is nothing but an innocent little lamb, we can’t have you two raging piles of hormones corrupting him now can we?” The smug, self-satisfied tones of the asshole sitting on the couch was like a splash of cold water.

Rage crashed over him, closely followed by a secondary wave of shame. The dots of the Twister mat crumpled beneath his fingers as he clenched his fist. He visualised quite strongly turning around and punching Poe in the face. Even if he wasn't actually Rey's boyfriend he was still an  _ asshole _ .

 

He pushed himself backwards off of her, gaining his feet awkwardly. The alcohol made his head spin as he stood, made him close his eyes tightly lest he fall straight back down.

 

Something fierce and angry and familiar surged inside him. Ugly emotions he'd thought he had a handle on. 

 

He whirled about and blundered his way into the bathroom. The door was slammed so hard behind him he was convinced he cracked it but the moment the lock slide into place between him and everyone else he felt instantly calmer.

 

It reminded him of being a child. Hiding away when his anger got too much.

 

“Ren!”

 

She sounded...worried.

 

“Why are you even here? Just...go away Rey, go home!”

 

“I can't! Not until you agree to see your parents!”

 

Of course. That was why she was there after all. The  _ only _ reason she was there.

 

“Ren?”

 

“They don't want me back, not really. I did...I did terrible things.”

 

Now the anger had fled he felt exhausted, more tired than he'd been in months and he was glad there was a door between them so she wouldn't see how watery his eyes were getting.

 

His parents had always been coming and going when he was a child, dad off to a film set or an interview, mom off campaigning. He'd been looked after by a succession of nannies most of them kind but distant. 

 

Brat was probably the nicest word for what he’d been like. Acting up had been the only surefire way to gain his parents attention after-all. So the nannies had come and gone fairly quickly, not knowing how to deal with him, probably a little scared of him. Confidentiality clauses meant only the faintest whispers of it reached the gossip columnists. 

 

Until he was ten. And the nanny that came along that year used different tactics. Pinches, which left small purple bruises on the undersides of his arm, twisting his ear until it was red and burning. Small hurts, but they kept getting bigger.

 

He hadn't meant to push her, not really. She'd been pulling his arm higher and higher till he thought it might break and there had been this surge of...rage, of strength. In his memory he'd only tried to twist away from her but sometimes in his darker moments he thought he could remember shoving her. Either way she'd fallen down the stairs fracturing two ribs and her arm. He could still remember the sickening cracking sound like when you stood on frozen puddles in the winter. He'd called an ambulance from the beige corded phone in the hall, feeling more worried about using the phone than anything because it wasn't allowed.

 

His parents paid the nanny a ridiculous sum of money to keep quiet. Later on he'd figured out that had probably been her plan all along but at the time he’d just been aware that his parents were suddenly around a lot more. Even if they both looked drawn, pale, suddenly there were family trips and ‘bonding’ experiences.

 

They took him to psychiatrists with greedy pallid faces who tried to make him play with dolls and talk about his anger. He hated them but he went. His mother would come with him, hold his hand on the way in, brush his hair back from his face and tell him that  _ he knew she loved him didn't he? _ as if she wasn't sure he did. And that made it worth it. Frown lines had started to appear on her face that hadn’t been there before and he’d felt sorry he put them there but at the same time...oddly proud. If she was worrying about him it meant she was thinking about  _ him _ , him and not all those people she smiled at in her campaign rallies. Not the children whose schools she pledged to save. He remembered seeing her on the news, some random underprivileged child sitting on her lap, reading to her. She's brushed the boy's hair out of his face, the same gesture,  _ his _ gesture. His rage had been terrible, he’d destroyed his entire bedroom, ripped down pictures, screaming. She was his mother,  _ his _ and she barely had time for him so how dare she have time for some random child?

 

It had been the rages that had eventually led to him being shipped off to Uncle Luke’s.

 

People had wanted to be friends with him, to start with, but as soon as they realised he wasn’t his father the disappointment had been palpable. He’d been good at his classes though, particularly computing. It was all so easy, he could dive into the code and make it do pretty much anything. 

 

The only friends he'd really made had been online, one in particular- a guy named Snoke. To start with he’d assumed he was a teenager, like him, but when he found out he was an adult it hadn’t changed anything much. It had felt cool, to have an adult friend. Someone who actually listened to him, took him seriously. Who understood how stifling this school was for him.

 

The fire...it had only been meant as a distraction, to let him sneak out of the school for awhile. And maybe to panic his parents a little when he was absent for a few days after. They would have deserved it, abandoning him there. But...the wind had turned and then the other buildings had caught.

 

No one had died.

 

No one had died, that was what he told himself over and over. There had been burns though, horrific burns.

 

And once again his parents had found the money to make it all go away. But this time there had been no family trips.

 

He remembered the screaming fights, remembered his father yelling ‘We are raising a MONSTER’ and his mother insisting, sternly that he was just a troubled boy but he could hear in her voice even she didn't believe it anymore. His Uncle Luke had taken him to his court dates, grey faced and suited, not really looking at him.

 

At the school  _ no one _ would look at him.

 

It had been few months later that he’d slipped away, in the dead of night.

 

He was gawky and awkward, with ears that looked like mug handles, hardly threatening enough to be left alone on the streets. He’d been beaten up several times, left with blood running hot down his face, crying. He’d gone hungry, thirsty, been so cold he thought he might die. Those were times when he’d nearly gone home, nearly thrown himself on his parents mercy.

 

But then Mr Snoke had found him, taken him in. In return he’d helped him with his projects in secret for two years and then he’d changed his name when he was eighteen, gone off to college as ‘Kylo Ren’. The relief of no longer being Ben Solo had been overwhelming. Everyone had crowded round Ben, everyone had expected him to be witty and charming and handsome, everyone had expected him to have opinions, the right opinions like his mother held. No one expected anything of Kylo Ren. He was allowed to be anti-social, slightly strange looking, to be bad at striking up conversations.

 

Becoming Kylo Ren had saved him.

 

He leant his aching head against the door, imagining her leant up against the other side, legs splayed out in front of her. If he told her all of that, about the nanny and the fire and everything...would she still want to kiss him? 

  
He didn’t think so.


	17. Grand Theft Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is your Ren tonight... not being kidnapped, nope not at all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our lawyers made Snowfright change this chapter comment so we wouldn't get sued ;-)

It wasn’t kidnapping.

 

Not technically.

 

She’d woken up on his living room floor with rocks in her head and a mouth tasting like BB had slept in it. Painfully sober in the early morning light. She must’ve fallen asleep against the wall beside the bathroom, a dim memory of trying to coax him out after the twister game playing behind her eyes as she’d tried to put the pieces of last night back together. Everything had been so intense. Equal parts embarrassing and sexually charged as they’d fought and… well fought some more and then… he’d vanished. Locked himself away where she couldn’t get to him. 

 

The separation had hurt more than she was willing to admit.

 

Now though, in the cold light of almost-day, everything was different. He must have unlocked the door at some point because there he was, spilling half in-half-out of the room in front of her. His hair plastered to his forehead, more rumpled than she’d ever seen him before. Not that she had fared much better, her beautiful silk dress was now a crushed beige nightmare.

 

“You should really go and see your parents.” She’d sighed, heart squeezing as she watched him sleep. He looked younger like this, vulnerable in the pale morning sun. She could count the freckles if she wanted to, commit each one to memory. 

 

How had it come to this? What had happened that was so awful he had cut himself from his support system so fully? She only wished she knew, that he’d open up and tell her. Let her in on whatever dark secret was making him so miserable, so she could try and make it better. So she could convince him to connect with them again. 

 

She ducked her head at the thought, a guilty little wave of heat rushing over her face when she realized part of her didn’t want him too. That would mean she’d have to leave. She doubted he’d want to see her again after this… after everything.

 

It would be worth it though, no matter how hard it stung her, if it meant he could find even the smallest measure of happiness again.

 

“You really, really should.” She couldn’t help but reach over and brush a stray lock of hair from his eyes. He grumbled tiredly, startling her into silence as he covered her hand in his. Oversized palm swallowing her fingers entirely.

 

“Fine, whatever.” He muttered, rolling onto his side and taking her hand with him. “If it means you’ll shut up about it.” He trailed off with a huff, falling back into sleep. 

 

She’d sat there for a full minute before acting. The metaphorical light bulb buzzing on above her head as a new determination gripped her as tightly as his fingers.

 

Come hell or high water she was getting this idiot back to his parents, even if it meant dragging his unconscious body there herself.

 

Which, again, wasn’t technically kidnapping because he  _ had _ agreed to it. He might not  _ remember  _ agreeing to it when he woke up, but hey, one problem at a time.

 

Carefully fishing her hand from his grip without waking him she rose to her feet. Muscles aching in protest after having spent so long sleeping against the wall, she looked around for the boys. Finn and Poe had obviously both fought for the couch and lost, sleeping awkwardly half on, half off it. Poe had the twister instructions stuck to his face and Finn was still clutching an empty bottle of beer.

 

Her heart warmed at the sight of them. They always had her back, if anyone could help her totally not-kidnap Ren it was them. Avengers assemble.

 

Shaking her head she picked her way through the debris on the floor to their side, trying very hard not to look at the plastic mat still half-crumpled on the floor. Those memories could stay in the hazy world of too much whiskey, thank you very much.

 

“C’mon guys.” She whispered, slapping them lightly around the face. “Wake up.”

 

“Wha-” Finn came too first, jostling Poe to wakefulness with him as he shot up. “Whas goin’ on?”

 

“Shh,” Shooting a glance over her shoulder to make sure Ren was still asleep she fixed them with her best winning smile. “I need your help to do something completely legal.”

 

“Best… morning… ever.” Poe yawned, proving once again that his artful bed-head was a hundred percent natural as he peeled himself off the floor.

 

Once she’d managed to get them both upright and sensible it had been easy enough. A quick dig around his closet had netted her a usable empty duffle. Not wanting to paw through anymore of Ren’s personal belongings she’d just dumped the contents of his clean laundry basket into it before handing it off to Finn. Gesturing vaguely at him to shove whatever else he might need in too. Other stuff. Guys stuff. What did she know?

 

She didn’t trust Poe with the job, R’iia only knows what he’d have put in there. Strawberry flavoured lube and a pair of handcuffs if his previous ‘help’ was anything to go by. Her face flushed at the thought, dragging herself out of the main room to get changed before setting phase two of the plan into action.

 

Slinging her rucksack onto her back, she shouldered his stolen bag. All systems were go. Creaking open his front door she led the boys downstairs, to no small amount of very quiet complaining. Ren carried between them like a rolled up rug.

 

A drunken, six foot three rolled up rug made of elbows who was muttering in his sleep.

 

How they’d managed to get him out of the building and into her cars she didn’t know. It was a modern miracle. 

 

Folding the keys into Finn’s hands she hugged them both, hard.

 

“Clean up after yourself yeah?” She asked, gazing up at the apartment building anxiously. “And make sure the place is locked?”

 

“Don’t worry Rey-sicle!” Poe grinned, snatching the keys from Finn’s hand and twirling them in the air. “We’ve got this.”

 

“Seriously Rey,” Finn grabbed them back, glaring at Poe. “It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”

 

“It’s a two day drive to Coronet City,” She patted her pockets to make sure had her phone. “So we’ll be back in a few days, maybe a week. Depends on how things go down. I’ll text though.”

 

“Stop worrying and get driving before Count Dorkula wakes up.” Finn smiled, pushing her into the car. Stepping back as she started the engine. “Good luck!”

 

“Use protection!” Poe shouted as they pulled away. 

 

She resisted the urge to smack her head into the steering wheel. This was gonna be one hell of a road trip. If she was lucky though Ren would stay asleep for as much of it as possible. 

 

She wasn't lucky.

 

They were four hours out of the City when he’d finally opened his eyes. Staring blearily around the car.

 

“Morning sleepy head,” She chirped through gritted teeth, slapping on her brightest smile and trying desperately to act like this was totally normal. “Well, afternoon technically! How are you feeling?”

 

She shot a sideways glance at him as he frowned at his surroundings, mouth half opening as he peered at the fields speeding past. Then every muscle tensed, his huge hands clenching into fists as his eyes shot open fully.

 

“Where are we?” He asked, low voice strangled as he stared at her in horror.

 

“Oh, about half way down Highway 76, give or take a few miles.” She fought to keep her tone upbeat even as she felt his look turning into a glare. A dark glower that had the hair standing up on the back of her arms.

 

“And why are we on Highway 76?” She could hear the anger rising in his voice, words tightly clipped to cover the thin veil of panic she could see in his eyes.

 

“Don't you remember? You agreed we would go and see…” She could hear her voice getting higher with each word. Her very good idea seeming less and less like a very good idea as his rage filled the car. The air practically static with it. Avoiding his eyes completely the last word came out as a squeak. “...Parents.”

 

“WHAT?” He jerked in his seat, straining at his seatbelt as his face flushed red. “Stop the car, Rey. Stop the goddamn car.”

 

“We’re on a Highway, Ren!” She shouted back, gesturing at the traffic stupidly. “I can’t just stop the car! Maker, just chill the fuck out!”

 

“Then get somewhere you can stop.” His words were a low hiss of rage. “And. Then. Stop.”

 

Mouth twisting in anger she didn’t bother to reply to him. Both looking anywhere but each other as they sped along the endless stretch of road. She flicked her blinkers on when the next gas station appeared between corn fields, whip fast as he levelled a glare at her, mouth already opening to tell her to pull over again.

 

“I’m pulling over, ass.” She shouted as she made a u-turn in by the ancient pumps. It was the kind of creaking, mid-west monstrosity that only ever featured in the start of horror movies where beautiful teenagers got murdered by a guy with a hook for a hand. There was a wind chime made of exhaust pipes hanging off the guttering and a buffalo skull above the door.

 

“Ass?” He snapped his seatbelt off angrily, reaching for the handle before the car had even fully stopped. “I’m not the one going around  _ kidnapping people!”  _

 

“ _ I didn’t kidnap you!”  _ She yelled as she dragged herself out of the car after him, placing her hands square on the roof of the speeder as they argued over the top of it. “Not technically!”

 

“Are you really going to try and pull that one?” He gave her a fuming look and she snapped her mouth shut.

 

She had the good grace to feel a little flush of guilt at her subterfuge, but she fought through it. This was for the greater good, damnit. He’d thank her for it eventually. One day. If he ever spoke to her again.  And if they weren’t hacked up by the hook-hand guy in the mean time, of course.

 

Lowering her voice she hit him with her best determined look, willing every inch of stubborn fury into her eyes.

 

“The way I see it you’ve got two choices. You’re stuck out here, with no keys, no phone, no cash. You could hitch hike your way back to the City and probably get axe murdered on the way, but it would mean abandoning me here - to  _ definitely _ get axe-murdered.” She saw him flinch at the words, eyes darting around the creepy throwback forecourt. It was a low blow but she was ready to use every tool in her armoury to get him on side. “Or. You can shut your face, get back in the car and come with me to Coronet. If we make it to the suburbs alive I promise you can decide how much further we go then.”

 

“You... won’t make me see them?” There was something hesitant in his voice, almost child-like even as he glared at her. 

 

Her throat tightened uncomfortably and she shook her head.

 

“Not if you really don’t want to… Just… try okay?” Pocketing her keys she gestured to the rickety building, “Now I’m going to get us some food. Try not to be Correlia Chainsaw Massacred whilst I’m gone.”

 

“Fine.” He nodded, the strangely vulnerable expression vanishing completely behind his scowl as he pulled open the back door of her car and rifled through the bag she’d packed for him.

 

By the time she got back he’d managed to pull a quick-change on her, rumpled white shirt replaced with one of the standard-issue black t-shirts he favoured on the weekends. He also hadn’t hot-wired the car and abandoned her, so that was a good sign.

 

Dropping into the car she hurled the plastic bag at him.

 

“I got you a sandwich.” She said, warming up the engine. Before reaching into her pocket for the other thing that had caught her eye in the grim-dark shop interior. A stupid, plastic trinket that had made her smile at the time but now felt very silly.  “And a present too.”

 

He glanced up suspiciously, “What is it?”

 

Grabbing his hand before could stop herself she shoved the brightly coloured bauble onto his little finger. Assuming quite correctly that it was the only one it would fit on, his hands were as ridiculous as he was after all.

 

“And this is?” He frowned at the piece of plastic. She averted her suddenly heated face, focusing on pulling out of the murder-station forecourt.

 

“A mood ring.” She shrugged, turning on the radio as they hit the highway again. Praying the music gods would be kinder to her this time than they had been the last two times she’d gotten in a car with him. “This way I’ll have some warning when you’re about to throw a hissy fit.”

 

He scowled at her, scrunched up in his seat and glowering darkly as he pawed through the contents of the bag. But he didn’t remove it. Her heart fluttered stupidly at the gesture.

 

“I don’t like mayonnaise.” He held up the sandwich distastefully.

 

Her heart stopped fluttering. 

 

“No kidding.” Rolling her eyes as she reached out to snatch it from his hand. “That’s mine asshole. Yours is the ham salad.”

 

He looked down and shrugged. “Fine.”

 

Worst. Roadtrip. Ever.

  
  



	18. Kylo Ren hates Everything and Everybody.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's ninety per cent sure this is the start of a horror movie...

“It doesn’t look that bad!”

 

Rey’s forced cheerfulness grated on him, so Ren just shot her a look he hoped conveyed his utter contempt and disbelief at this whole situation. ‘Not that bad’. The motel she’d picked looked as if it had been set designed as ‘the creepy murder motel’ in a low budget slasher film. Everything from the flickering neon sign to the tired worn decor seemed to suggest they’d be murdered the second they stepped inside. And he’d thought the forecourt from earlier had been bad.

 

Still it was this or attempt to sleep in her car, a vehicle so cramped he could barely sit in it comfortably.

 

He knew, given the general murder-y vibe of the place, he should probably go in with her to sort out the rooms. Instead he stared resolutely at the smudged fingerprints on the window while she unbuckled her belt and got out of the car, keeping his attention fixed determinedly until he heard the office door creak shut behind her.

 

Part of him was still listening in case of screams though. Not that Rey would probably scream, she’d be far more likely to simply punch the attempted axe murderer in the jaw. In a classic horror movie, she would definitely be the plucky heroine that made it all the way through to the end. Finn would likely be relatively doomed given the racism of the genre, smarmy Poe was also likely to be bite the dust given his general smug asshole-ish-ness. That last one he wouldn’t mind so much.

 

So what would that make him? Given his looks and general strange loner status he supposed that either made him the weirdo everyone thought was the axe murderer or just straight up the axe murderer. Depending on how subversive the film in question was.

 

Not the best role to occupy. Maybe last night he would have been vying for a move into ‘heart of gold boyfriend who gets heroically killed in the last act’ category but today they were completely back at odds with each other.

 

He twisted the tacky ring stuck halfway down his little finger, noting that the skin underneath was already discolouring a little from the cheap silver metal.  The ‘stone’ itself  was currently an odd mix of murky dark blue and green that looked vaguely algae-ish in color. He wondered what that was supposed to say about his emotional state. Ridiculous nonsense really, he had no idea what had possessed her to buy it. As a peace offering it was somewhat lacking.

 

The car door was suddenly jerked open and he jumped despite himself.

 

“We’re in luck! They’ve got two rooms left!”

 

He wouldn’t exactly call it luck. Still he retrieved his bag from the backseat and set about reluctantly trailing after her.

 

“I’m in room 302.” She pointed across the little gravel parking lot to a room that was in the opposite little block to his, something which annoyed him slightly. It meant part of him was going to worry all night that she was out of easy shouting distance… what if something happened? 

 

It was ridiculous of course, she’d been more vulnerable sleeping her car all those nights but something had shifted within him and he felt oddly responsible for her now. Despite this ill-judged and poorly timed kidnap attempt he still...liked her. To the degree he’d be upset if she got murdered anyway.

 

Trying not to think about it too much he slipped his key in the lock, pushing open the battered door onto...well… exactly the sort of room he’d imagined from the outside. The strangely oily smell was the first thing that hit him, like someone had taken an engine apart in the room at some point and hadn’t cracked open a window since. Mixed with the musty, damp scent emanating from the walls it just made for an incredibly unpleasant environment.

 

It looked like someone had spilled coffee grounds over the floor in several areas and hadn’t bothered to clean it up. 

 

Just the sort of place he wanted to spend the night.

 

Still there was no choice. He took a quick glance at the closed bathroom door and decided he would face whatever monstrosities lay within later. For now he would just sort out what he needed too and then sleep.

 

First thing was first, he needed to try and explain his bizarre absence to work.

 

He rummaged through the bag Rey had packed him in the vain hope she might have remembered to pack his charger. But of course, no such luck. His phone had died sometime the previous night, he’d been too drunk to even think about putting it on charge after-all. He briefly contemplated asking Rey to borrow hers but he wasn’t sure if she’d even brought it and half of him was certain she’d never lend it to him in case he called the police on her little kidnapping attempt.

 

Oh well, Hux would have a meltdown no doubt but kidnapping was likely a highly valid reason for missing work. Not to mention they’d probably all just assume he was too hungover to effectively call in sick given the general state of everyone last night. After Rey drove them to the city tomorrow they’d turn straight back around and could be right back where they started by Thursday. He’d buy a charger tomorrow and call Hux with some excuse.  As long as Mr Snoke never found out where he had potentially been headed everything would work out okay.

 

For now all he could do was attempt to sleep.

 

A further rummage brought up the fact that Rey had neglected to pack him any pyjamas but had for some reason apparently thought he desperately needed fifteen clean pairs of underwear. How long had she been expecting this trip to last?

 

The last thing he wanted to do was get under the slightly suspiciously stained sheets in only his underwear but it appeared he had little choice in the matter. He wondered if she’d remembered to pack him a razor or a toothbrush or any other necessities...just how spur of the moment was this little trip of hers? 

 

He folded up his pants as small as he could, placing them neatly on the rickety chair beside his bed in such a way that they touched as little surface area as possible.  But as he pulled his t-shirt over his head to join them the fabric snagged on the ring shoved half on his finger, pulling it loose.

 

There was a ting as it bounced off the metal frame and disappeared into the abyss underneath the bed.

 

_ No _ . He was not getting down on his hands and knees  _ half-naked _ in this disgusting hotel room that probably hadn’t been cleaned since the Cold War to attempt to find some cheap gas station ring she’d bought him as a joke. It was beneath him.

 

It was entirely beneath him.

 

He clenched his fists and let loose a stream of curses that would probably have shocked a sailor. Then with a sigh he lowered himself down on his knees, closing his eyes and grimly sticking his hand into the darkened space. His fingertips whispered across several papery objects, obviously not his ring and some unpleasantly spongey and damp linoleum before closing on a small metal object.

 

Triumphantly he drew his hand back.

 

He had definitely found the ring.

 

Apparently he’d found the world’s largest nest of cockroaches as well. For a long moment he stared, wide-eyed, at the fat brown insects that were clinging determinedly to his wrist, his brain slowly processing the whispery sound as others spilt out panicked from under the bed.

 

They were on his hand, touching his skin. 

 

He could feel their feathery antennae brushing lightly against his fingers and the revulsion hit him all at once. With a shriek so loud he was sure his parents would hear it in Corellia he whipped his hand around, sending him bugs flying to land on his bed, oddly transparent legs flailing in the air. Dancing his way backwards he managed to avoid the seemingly unending tide of chittery, shiny things that were cascading out from underneath his bed. Oh god, all those had been under there when he’d stuck his undefended arm in. He felt a sharp wave of nausea clutch at his stomach. His hand fumbled frantically from the door knob, convinced for a moment that it wouldn’t be there, that this would be like one of those horrible dreams where you just couldn’t escape.  

 

Finally, his fingers connected with the smooth metal and he spilled out into the grimy parking lot. 

 

An old man sitting outside his room next door gave him an odd look. Probably because he’d just run shrieking from a room in only his boxer shorts but there was no way in hell he was going back in for his clothes. As far as he was concerned they were the cockroaches now. Rey could go buy him some more in the morning, in payment for putting him through what was essentially the worst scene from every insect based horror movie ever.

 

He stormed across the parking lot, the sharp gravel biting into his feet and the sharp chill of the evening air searing into his skin until he started to shake.

 

Slamming his fist into her door, he shouted her name until she yanked it open, looking perturbed.

 

“What are you--” 

 

Her eyes drifted down and she slammed her mouth shut, turning a shade of red that might have made him feel gratified had he not been so pre-occupied with the horror movie he was currently inhabiting. She was wear a suspiciously familiar looking t-shirt which hung at mid-thigh level and it looked as if she’d just been preparing to sleep, appearance fetchingly rumpling.

 

“Check under your bed.”

 

Rey blinked at him, apparently startled out of whatever stupor she’d been inhabiting.

 

“What am I looking for? Monsters?”

 

“Just… check under your bed. Now please.”

 

She shrugged, apparently deciding to humour him and switched on the light, kneeling down beside the bed. He held his breath, feeling like he wanted to scrub the skin off his body. The ring was still clasped in his hand, cheap metal biting into his palm as he clutched it like some kind of talisman.

 

“Nothing. No axe murderers here.”

 

“No bugs?”

 

She raised an eyebrow, getting back to her feet.

 

“Not that I can see.”

 

“Excellent. We’re sharing then.”

 

The look of horror on her face made him feel a little better. This entire mess was her fault after-all she deserved to be a little horrified.

 

“What??  _ No _ !”

 

Ignoring her protests he brushed past her and threw himself down on the bed, the mattress squeaking out a protest at his weight. If she wanted to attempt to send him back to that room she’d have to physically drag him there. He was  _ not _ moving.

 

“You are more than welcome to avail yourself of my motel room then. You'll have to reclaim it from the cockroaches first but you are more than welcome to it.”

 

“Cockroaches?” She frowned and wrinkled her nose in a little show of disgust. He drew in a measured breath, barely preventing himself from launching into a screaming tirade about how this was all her fault for a) kidnapping him in the first place and b) if she was going to kidnap him not providing better accommodation. Or pyjamas. 

 

“Yes,  _ cockroaches _ . So either get in the bed and go to sleep or go see for yourself. It’s your choice.”

 

Turning his back on her he determinedly pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. Whatever she decided to do was not his problem, she had stuck them in this hellhole and she could face the consequences.

 

He was getting some sleep tonight if it killed him.

 


	19. You Don't Have to Take Your Clothes Off (To Have an Awkward Time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has to decide who she'd rather share a bed with, the cockroaches or an irritated almost-naked Ren. Decisions, decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright <3
> 
> We'd like to give a special huge shout out to the wonderful SapphireAzuli over on tumblr who has done some AMAZING fanart for this fic! It's absolutely incredible and we are dying over it! Everyone go check her out! <3

  
  


Naked Ren. 

 

In her bed.

 

_ There was a very naked Ren in her bed. _

 

Okay not totally naked, he was technically wearing boxers, but at this point she couldn’t really grasp the distinction. 

 

Rey stared at the large, blanket wrapped form in horror as she crossed the room warily to the still-open door. This was  _ not _ the plan. She’d sprung for two rooms,  _ two,  _ although why they couldn’t have slept in her car she didn’t know. Beds were nice and all but her car was free. Especially considering he didn’t have his wallet, which yes, was technically her fault, but still. She’d shelled out for this place, for his room and he didn’t even have the good grace to sleep in it!

 

Her gaze flickered across the parking lot to the other room, seriously considering whether the cockroaches would make better bedfellows than super angry naked guy. She had so many questions, where his clothes were, why was he so afraid of bugs, what had happened to his bag. Her brain however only had strength enough to focus on one.  _ When did he have time to go to the gym?! _

 

Was there a super-fancy SnokeCorp HQ work gym he hit up before before clocking out for the day? Was there a secret weight room in his apartment she hadn’t noticed before? Did he just  _ naturally  _ look like that? Whatever his secret was, the boy was smuggling some serious abs underneath his endlessly black wardrobe. His stupid torso made her want to break out every flowery metaphor she’d ever heard Poe use before. Sculpted. Chiselled. Adonis like. Just really, really… nice. 

 

And then there were the freckles. 

 

Maker help her,  _ the freckles _ . They chased down his neck and over each taut muscle of his chest. Falling like stars all the way down to the waistband of his very expensive looking black boxers.

 

She swallowed hard at the memory, staring blankly into the parking lot as her photographic memory went to work on her composure.

 

“Close the door, it’s cold.” He snapped from beneath the sheets, sending her startling back like she’d been electrocuted. Her face, already warm, turned scalding as she jerked the door shut without thinking. Trapping herself on the wrong side of it. With him.

 

Sucking in a breath she tried to remember she was angry at him for barging in on her, for ruining her plans of getting some serious rest before tomorrow’s eight hour dive. Praying her irritation would be enough to help her survive what was looking to be the longest night of her life. She tugged anxiously on the hem of her night shirt as she crossed the room. Well… it wasn’t exactly her night shirt. She might have accidentally borrowed it from his apartment that morning when she realized none of her PJs were clean. But he was never supposed to know that! And she was going to return it when they got back. Maybe.

 

“And stop lurking.” He muttered into the pillow, making her freeze at the edge of the bed. Teeth clamping shut as she glared at the back of his head. She was not lurking. She was just being cautious. 

 

She could always murder him and leave him in the bathtub, she supposed, that’d solve all of her problems. And hey, she’d already pulled off theft and kidnapping today. Why not go three for three?

 

Flicking off the light she jerked up the corner of the sheet and slipped beneath it. Keeping her back to him as she stayed as far on her side of the mattress as physically possible.They were adults. Adults who didn't even particularly like each other. Adults who had in no way been aggressively making out the day before. 

 

She would ignore him, just pretend he wasn’t there. Which was easier said than done. A giant naked guy sprawled across her bed was not something she could easily ignore. Well at least he wasn't planning on escaping whilst she slept. He couldn't, not without waking her. 

 

She stared at the water-stained magnolia wall in the darkness. Trying desperately to think of anything but him. In her mind she started to plan the exact upgrades she’d make to the Speeder when she got paid, going through each step of installing the fancy new t-1600 engine she’d had her eye on in precision detail.

 

Her mind was finally calming by the time she got to the suspension tune ups she was planning, thoughts turning fuzzy as sleep crept in. Then he moved. Rolling ever so slightly away and pulling the edge of the cover with him. A wash of cold air snapped at her feet, bringing her back to senses with a start. With the sun long set and no working heating it really was getting cold.

 

Annoyance sparked in her. Wrinkling her nose as she firmed her fingers around her corner of the scratchy beige blanket and tugged it back. Tucking it gently under her chin and going back to her mental safe-space.

 

A minute passed, then two, sleep creeping up in again, soothing away her annoyance when he shifted. Again. The blanket slipping away from her completely this time and leaving the very bare skin of her arms and legs exposed to the arctic air.

 

Her eyes shot open, irritation biting at her as she pulled it back, hard. She had less than a minute to enjoy it’s warmth before he was yanking it away from her. 

 

_ Oh. Hell. No.  _

 

She whipped around, seizing hold of it and glaring daggers at the back of his head. 

 

“What are you doing?” She hissed, fighting to keep her voice low in the nighttime hush when all she wanted to do was throttle him.

 

“What are  _ you  _ doing?” He bit back, rolling over to glare at her. The buzzing yellow light from the sign outside filtering through the window and illuminating his face and shoulders. Very naked shoulders. Very broad, naked shoulders. Covered in freckles. She forced her eyes up sharply, glad that Ren at least hadn’t seemed to notice her distraction. He was too busy ranting. “I’m not going to freeze to death because  _ someone  _ didn’t think to pack any pajamas before kidnapping me.”

 

“I did  _ not  _ kidnap you!” She whispered loudly, “And anyway, even if I did - why didn’t you put your clothes back on before coming here you… you…” She felt her nose scrunching as she gestured to him vaguely hysterically. “You big naked weirdo!”

 

“I would have done” His black eyes shone like embers in the dim light, flashing with barely restrained anger as he leant across the bed to glare at her.  “but the cockroaches have probably  _ eaten them by now _ !”

 

“Yeah well…” She scowled at him, trying to focus on her anger and nothing but her anger. Definitely not on how horrendously attractive he looked with his stupid, scruffy bed head. Irritation reaching fever pitch she seized hold of the blanket and yanked. “It’s my bed.”

 

“I was here first.” His eyes narrowed, stubbornness tightening the corners of his full lips as he grabbed the other side and pulled back.

 

It was on.

 

“I'm not going blanketless-”  _ yank _ “-because you’re afraid of one little cockroach!-”  _ yank _ “-You should have-”  _ yank _ “-seen some of the places-”  _ yank _ “-I've had to sleep in, mate.”

 

She had a sudden unwelcome flash of those places, of all the other beds she’d slept in. The concrete floors and empty door ways. She slammed the memories down, as unpleasant as the bitter chill of the room but it was too late. Her hands slackened ever so slightly at  _ exactly _ the wrong moment.

 

The muscles in Ren’s shoulders tensed as he tore it back, barely giving her time to yelp before she was tumbling across the bed. Eyes growing wide as she found herself splayed across him, face buried in the warm skin of his chest. She had a half second to appreciate just how nice he felt underneath her before she remembered herself, scrabbling to right herself against his shoulders. She slipped, feeling his hands surging to her waist to stop her from toppling as the exposed skin of her thighs clamped around the luxe black fabric at his hips.

 

Her brain went blank, gaping down at him like a dying goldfish. For a second she thought of accusing him of doing this on purpose, of willfully scrambling her brain with his stupid sexy body. But then she registered the complete, terrified shock on his face and the thought sailed from her head. He looked like he was having the exact same apoplexy she was having.

 

His hand tightened ever so slightly against the soft cotton of her shirt,  _ his _ shirt, and suddenly all she could remember were the whiskey-soaked memories of the night before. Of being pinned beneath him, cheap plastic twister mat sticking to her back as her silk dress rucked up against her legs. Feeling every god damn inch of him pressing into her with a gasp. Knowing with complete certainty that, in that moment at least, he wanted her just as much as she wanted him.

 

And now here she was, red-faced and breathless, straddling him like a mechanical bull at the Tatooine derby. Something very warm and very dangerous settled low in her stomach at the memory, at the feel of him beneath her. Heart racing fit to burst in the hush as she tried to pull her gaze away from his eyes. Tried to remember why this was a bad idea.

 

There was no wine to blame it on now, no whiskey or annoying co-workers or passive aggressive twister games. It was just them, alone, in the middle of nowhere, stone cold sober and pressed together in the darkness.

 

A car rolled past outside, horn blaring, startling her back into her senses. She bailed, rolling off him like she was on fire. 

 

“It’s fine, you take it!” She almost shouted in the still air, abandoning the blanket completely in favour of clutching the edge of the mattress. Contorting her body until she occupied as little space as possible as her heart attempted to leap it’s way out of her mouth.

 

She welcomed the cold now, at least until the ghost of his warmth had faded from her skin completely. Then she regretted her haste a little. The panicked thundering of her pulse finally beginning to slow as she hugged herself against the bitter air. She could hear him breathing, the ragged little exhales telling her he was just as awake as she was pretending not to be.

 

She’d almost convinced herself that they’d stay in this weird tense wakefulness until the sun rose when she felt him move again. Something warm falling over her. She turned with a start, now covered completely by the blanket. She gazed over the bed at him, heart leaping in her throat. He was still lying with his back to her as he stared determinedly at the other wall. Barely covered by his edge of the blanket, his pale bony knees sticking hilariously over the edge of the bed.

 

“Thanks.” The word stuck oddly in her throat.

 

“If you get hypothermia again I’ll never get out of here.” He grumbled darkly, turning his head just enough that he could glare at her. She snorted.

 

“Sure. But if you die of exposure I don’t think your parents will pay me.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before, as casually as she was physically able, adding. “Share?”

 

His eyes widened as she scooted into the middle of the mattress, adam’s apple bobbing wildly as he carefully inched towards her. They were very careful not to touch, gazes holding in one endless, breathless moment.

 

“Right then.” She nodded sharply at him, praying he couldn’t see her blush in the dim light before turning her back on him.  “Night then.”

 

“Good night.” He murmured from behind her, breath stirring her hair. She felt him looking at her for a half-second, her heart stammering inappropriately in her chest before he moved too. Shifting away from her until they were back to back beneath the cover.

 

It was almost stupidly easy to fall asleep afterwards, despite her inner conviction that she would never sleep again. He was just so warm. 

 

It felt weirdly… right.

 


	20. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a fragile feeling, a feeling of belonging...

 

Ren woke up suddenly, feeling disorientated, too hot, sticky with sweat.

 

He was cocooned in a rough, itchy beige nightmare of a blanket, something keeping him trapped there, a heavy weight on his back.

 

There was a muffled snort and he twisted his head around just enough to see that it was Rey.

 

_ Oh. _

 

If he’d ever anticipated a situation like this he supposed he would have thought it would have been like the movies her cradled neatly in his arms, face tucked peacefully against his chest.

 

She was lying on his arm, that much was certainly true. It’s why everything from his elbow down was currently numb. But rather than being curled neatly against him she was sprawled out half on him, half on the bed, one leg thrown up haphazardly over his back, the other stuck out at a crooked angle in such a way that had ruched her stolen shirt up to her waist. He quickly averted his eyes but not before noting she wore some exceptionally sensible underwear. Which was slightly disappointing.

 

She’d also somehow managed to herd him to the far side of the bed during the night so one wrong move would send him crashing down onto the dusty floor, probably still cocooned in the itchy horror of a blanket. Not to mention she was snoring as well… not obtrusively true, but small little catches of breath that occasionally turned into longer more drawn out snorts. After their.. _.moment _ last night he felt irrationally annoyed that waking up next to her was not exactly living up to his expectations.

 

“Rey.”

 

With some difficulty he extracted his other arm from the cocoon and reached over, shaking her. If this wasn’t going to be the romantic moment he wanted it to be then better to get going and get this over with.

 

“G’way. Five minutes, Finn. Be up in five min…” she trailed off, snores starting up again. His annoyance spiked even further. _ Finn?  _ Had she shared a bed enough times with that man that she would just assume he was the one waking her up? Maybe he’d been focusing his ire on the wrong housemate. He glowered down at her sleeping form and suddenly gave his trapped arm one big tug, rolling her over onto the other side of the bed. She flopped onto her front and carried on sleeping.

 

Finally free he sat up, wincing as the blood rushed back to his abused extremity, vicious pins and needles stabbing at it as he flexed his fingers.

 

The water in the bathroom apparently came in two temperatures- cold or icy cold so his morning shower became exceptionally quick by necessity. He didn’t like the idea of losing any of his appendages to frostbite. When he got out, he was shivering so hard it almost hurt. He stole the one towel provided after only a moment’s hesitation and used the tiny rough thing to wipe away as much of the moisture as possible.

 

After he felt slightly less like he was freezing to death he wiped the spray away and stared into the cracked, browning mirror running a hand across the rasp of stubble that had accumulated during the night. He would have to leave it for now but he didn’t like it, combined with his long hair it made him look rougher, more unkempt.

 

In his boxers, still towelling his hair dry he pushed open the creaking door to the main room. Rey was predictably still asleep, her hair splayed out over her face, snoring gently. He sat back down on the bed with a thump that jerked her abruptly upright, staring at him through sleepy eyes.

 

“Bathroom is free. Only cold water though.”

 

She groaned at that and let her head droop down onto his bare shoulder, much like he imagined she would. This was better. He could see his wet hair brushing against her stolen t-shirt, dampening it to a dark green but she didn’t seem to mind. Not even when he snuck one slightly damp arm out to curve gingerly around her waist. Maybe this was something she would only allow him when she was half-asleep, he was utterly unsure where the boundaries were in their relationship anymore. He suddenly wanted to ask her what the kiss had meant, if it had meant anything at all but he didn’t think would be the right time.

 

“...tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night, _ someone _ was snoring all the time.”

 

“I don’t snore! You on the other hand certainly do.”

 

“Do not!” She retorted, in a manner he thought was more than a little childish. “Okay, I may be not really used to sharing sleeping space with anyone. I didn’t kick you did I?”

 

He felt himself soften a little. That he understood, it wasn’t exactly usual or precisely comfortable for him to have someone else in his space either.

 

“No.”

 

“Well that’s something at least. I once fell asleep next to Finn on the sofa and kicked him so hard that he fell off and hit his head on the coffee table. We had to take him to the hospital for stitches.”

 

She tilted her head back and smiled up at him, still a little sleepy. His heart gave a painful thump in his chest. He wanted to kiss her again. Not like before when she had kissed him possessively, claimed him and not like in the hallway when he’d nearly kissed her again or during Twister when it would have been alcohol fuelled and driven by want. He wanted to kiss her gently, slowly, fully. He wanted to stay right here in this godforsaken awful motel room with her head on his shoulder and see her smiling up at him like that for the rest of eternity.

 

_ Oh no. _

 

He liked her. More than liked her. 

 

It was...all the little things he noticed bleeding through the cracks. The fact she lived in her car, her fierce loyalty even to someone like him, her prickliness contrasted with her softness in a confusing paradox. The way she seemed so surrounded by people yet so lonely. She was utterly strange. And utterly perfect. 

 

He took a deep breath to say something but she was already rolling to her feet, struggling her way into her jeans.

 

“Alright, I’m going to go rescue your belongings from the cockroaches, just don’t run out on me okay?”

 

“I won’t, Rey.”

 

His voice cracked slightly and she looked at him strangely.

 

“I won’t leave you.” 

  
  


-

 

The radio on the way to Coronet City utterly failed to play anything more inappropriate than ‘Gungan Style’ and he felt almost… happy. Maybe it was just the realisation that he liked her, really liked her. He didn’t tend to like many people, mostly he found them to be complete annoyances. 

 

She swung the car suddenly to the side, sending him flying into the passenger door.

 

“What!” He snapped, the softer feelings of moments ago disappearing pretty quickly.

 

“I...need to stop for a minute.”

 

He made a point to look across at the dashboard.

 

“Your gas tank is practically full, you topped up yesterday.”

 

“I just need some stuff.”

 

She thumped open the driver's door and abruptly disappeared off into the gas station. Well at least this one had less of a murderous vibe than the last. He still didn’t understand the sudden stop though, they’d barely been driving half an hour, nothing could be that desperate

 

She eventually returned, brandishing a pamphlet in his face..

 

“Let’s just go a bit further into the city and go for a walk okay? Look, the Ackbar Memorial Park is open, it looks nice. They’ve got ornamental koi apparently!” Her almost manic cheerfulness was slightly worrying. But at least that answered the question of what she’d been doing in the gas station for so long, apparently it was looking at the rows upon rows of ‘tourist attraction’ pamphlets. Why she felt the need to rifle through Coronet City’s many tacky tourist traps he didn’t know. 

 

Maybe...maybe she just wanted to spend more time with him before they went back. She looked a little sad somehow, but determined. As if something was bothering her.

 

Could it be that his parents would pull her out if she didn’t manage to deliver him? Was that what she was so afraid of?

 

He could probably delay that. A phone call maybe. Or an e-mail, yes, less personal. Keep the contact as impersonal as possible. Just inform them that Rey was making progress and that they might want to keep her on the case a bit longer, if they truly wanted to get in contact with him again properly.

 

He never would of course. It would be unbearable. But...he wasn’t ready to let go of Rey yet either.

 

“Okay then. Let’s go look at...ornamental koi.”

 

-

 

Twenty minutes later they pulled into the parking lot for a little gated park. It did look like a nice area, the mid-morning sunlight glinting off of the river and the day was mild, showing the first hints of spring in the warmth of the sun. 

 

“I want to show you something, okay?”

 

He nodded, falling into step beside her. This was nice. They’d walked together before but it had normally been her struggling to keep up as he struggled just as hard to lose her. It was nice to walk together as equals.

 

She looked as nervous as he felt.

 

Would it be appropriate to take her hand?

 

Or was that assuming too much? Would it be too weird?

 

“Ren…” she started, then trailed off biting her lip.

 

Maybe...maybe he’d just ask her to stay around. Maybe he could keep her without having to ever contact his parents. They could date. Other people did that, went to movies and out to overpriced restaurants. She could even come and stay in his apartment so she wouldn’t have to live in that rusty death trap anymore. As long as she agreed that the _ corgi _ was never allowed inside. The friends would have to be negotiated on, he didn’t really want them ruining his furniture. 

 

“I just want you to know, you’re kind of a douche sometimes.”

 

Well… that wasn’t very romantic.

 

“But… you’re my friend okay? Whatever happens.”

 

_ Friend. _

 

Did that mean she was trying to brush him off?

 

The kiss had to mean something, didn’t it? He’d  _ felt  _ that it meant something. Something special, something different. Something more than it would mean if she kissed say… Finn or the Teletubby.

 

He wanted to be the last person she ever kissed. He wondered if there was a way to tell her that without making it sound like a death threat. 

 

Instead he decided to keep quiet and let his fingers ‘casually’ brush hers. She jumped, snatching her hand away as if he’d burnt it.

 

But a moment later a fatalistic kind of look swept across her face and she reached over and slipped her small palm into his. Her hand was warm and felt surprisingly delicate in his. Like it might break if he tightened his hand too much so he closed his fingers around hers carefully. It gave him a strange sense of...belonging.

 

“It’s… this way, what I wanted you to see. Come on.”

 

With a small tug, she directed him up a side path and he let her, too distracted by the warmth of her hand in his to think very much.

 

They were closer to the river now it was pretty down here, that much was true, too early for blossoms on the trees but the empty branches had their own stark beauty.

 

There was an bench up ahead, overlooking the whole curve of the river. That must have been what she wanted him to see. He wondered if it held any particular significance to her. As far as he could recall she’d never mentioned the city to him before. But then, they hadn’t had much time to talk about things like that yet.

 

There was an elderly couple already sitting on the one bench that was placed there, glancing nervously up the path. Well no problem they’d simply--

 

“Ben!”

 

His heart lurched violently in his chest.

 

These couldn’t be his parents.

 

His parents weren’t so...old.

 

Someone had swapped his smooth, confident father for a man that looked vaguely like an aging bloodhound, loose droops of skin hanging around his eyes and a softness to his jowls. His mother had also lost a lot of her vibrance, looking washed out and somewhat haggard. They looked like fun house versions of the parents he remembered, distorted and strange.

 

And they were here. Waiting for him.

 

Which meant that Rey had betrayed him, she’d _ lied _ to him. He’d let himself become distracted, vulnerable and then she’d used it. She’d used him.

 

She was moving away from him now, trying to pull back, trying to leave him here.

 

“You need to talk, I’m just going too--”

 

He clamped down on her hand with an iron grip. 

 

“If you leave me, I will hunt you down and kill you.”

 

“Ow! Fine I’ll stay, what the hell.”

 

She tried to tug her hand away but he wouldn’t let go. It was like she was a lifeline, and he wasn’t sure what would happen if he let her go. What he would do.

 

His parents hadn’t come any closer that was good but they were standing there, looking across at him like he was a ghost.

 

He felt like he was drowning. 

 

“I hope you both know I was brought here under false pretenses. That your little detective  _ lied  _ to me.”

 

“We just want you come home, Ben.” His mother's voice was so familiar it made him feel weak for a moment.

 

“Don’t you think-- didn’t you ever stop to think there was a reason why I didn’t want to see either of you? That I could have found you at any moment I’d  _ wanted _ to.”

 

He took a shaky breath.

 

“I didn’t want to. I  _ don’t _ want to.”

 

“We’re sorry, we were wrong. We were… bad parents. Let us make it up to you.” His mother, ever the conciliator, help out a beseeching hand toward him. His father, ever the stubborn asshole, said nothing.

 

“You abandoned me the minute I wasn’t  _ convenient  _ anymore. You _ left _ me. Alone. And afraid.”

 

His mother turned towards his father, looking for back-up, for help. As if she would ever find it from him.

 

“I don’t need you.”

 

He turned to look at Rey, dropping her hand

 

“I don’t need  _ any _ of you.”


	21. Into the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey dives in the deep end and drowns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright <3

_ Oh.  _

 

_ Fuck. _

 

It had been a bad idea, she'd known it the moment she’d done it but she couldn’t stop herself. She’d made a promise. _A_ _promise._ One she’d almost forgotten about entirely that morning until she’d gotten the text from his parents. Leia painfully eager to know the details of the meeting, of when she’d see her son again now they were so close. There was no forgetting then.

 

The older woman’s desperation to see her son hit her right in the heart. After that panic took over. She’d called her from the gas station, lingering too long over the leaflets as she tried to picture the scene. Tried to picture a scenario where he didn’t storm off in a rage.

 

Which was exactly what he was trying to do now.

 

And it was all  _ her _ fault.

 

She had almost convinced herself on the car ride over that he would understand when he actually saw them again. That he’d forgive her subterfuge once he realized she’d done it out of concern. Out of care. He’d hear her out, reconnect (angstily enough) with his parents and everything would be okay.

 

She was so very,  _ very _ wrong.

 

She barely remembered diving into the trees after him, waving at the Solo’s to stay put. Having to sprint to keep up with his long-legged gait as he headed for the thickly-grown forestation at the edge of the park. Her lungs already burning in her chest from the effort.

 

“ _ Ren-”  _ She shouted between gasps as she pressed forward, branches snagging at her shirt, her hair. “Wait-”

 

He didn’t slow down, not for a second. The sharp stabbing guilt soon spiralling out into frustration, into anger that he was refusing to stop for her. Refusing to even hear her out after all they’d been through already. Ten minutes ago they were holding hands, ten hours ago they were curled up together on the edge of the bed with his damp hair against the skin of her shoulder and his arm around her waist. How could he cast her off as easily as this now? 

 

And for that matter, what exactly did he think she was going to do? Go to all that effort to kidnap him and drag him to Coronet City only to turn around at the border and go back?

 

Stupid, stubborn, big eared idiot.

 

“WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?” 

 

He stopped so suddenly she smashed straight into his back, stumbling back, face flushing red, as he turned to glare at her at last. He looked so hurt, so angry, she almost forgot what she was going to say. Her jaw going slack under his gaze.

 

No one had ever looked at her like that. 

 

Like she’d betrayed them so thoroughly they could barely speak.

 

“ _ What. _ ” His eyes went cold. The emotion in them turning hateful as he towered over her.

 

She suddenly realized how quiet it was here, only the dim sound of laughter filtering through the dense foliage reminding her they were still in the park at all. Not in the depths of some abandoned, ancient forest. The air felt thicker somehow, suddenly hard to breathe through. She wasn’t used to this much greenery. It was off putting.

 

Snapping her mouth shut she squared her jaw, determined to get this over with as quickly as possible. To get him to understand so they could go on with their lives.

 

Preferably together.

 

“Yes, okay I called your parents. But listen-” He was already scoffing, half turning from her. She snatched hold of his arm, holding him angrily in place. The sharp weight of his gaze landing fully on her again. “Just listen-” The reasons she’d come up for on the car ride were slipping from her head by the second. Paling into insignificance under the weight of his anger. “You wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I thought… look, it was for the best.”

 

“For you perhaps.” He sneered at her, eyes flicking dismissively to place she touched him. She jerked away automatically, as if she’d been burnt. “You wouldn’t have gotten  _ paid  _ otherwise _. _ ”

 

Her heart squeezed to a stop so painfully she was worried for a moment it wouldn’t start again. His words finding every crack in her armour and slicing her through. Rage rose in her chest, a strong, stabbing painful rage that he could ever talk to her like that.  _ Think _ of her like that.

  
“I don’t give a shit about the money.” She seethed before she could stop herself, “I only care-” 

 

“What? What is it you care about Rey?” His face was almost unrecognizable as he cut her off, twisted up with fury. “Because it sure as hell isn’t me. Not if you’d do this. So what is it? What was so important that you’d… you’d  _ betray _ me like this.”

 

“ _ Betray _ ?!” It didn’t matter that she’d been thinking the same thing not five minutes ago. Now that he’d said it like  _ that, _ with hatred in his eyes and derision in his tone, he was fair game. Her guilt swallowed by true anger. “Get over yourself  _ Kylo Ren _ .” She jeered the name at him, determined to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her. “You have a family who actually  _ cares _ about you, who wants to make amends for whatever ridiculous childhood trauma you think they caused you.” 

 

_ How dare he _ . 

 

How dare he act like this now.

 

He didn’t know pain.

 

He stared at her. A silent, seething figure as she unleashed 19 years of pent up anger on him in one fell swoop.

 

“So sure, maybe they weren’t the best parents. Maybe they even fucked you up a little, guess what asshole? That’s what families do! At least you get a chance to tell them that. To let them know exactly what they put you through.” Once she started she couldn’t stop, the words falling thick and fast from her mouth without her permission. “You weren’t dumped like a - like an unwanted  _ dog _ with no name and no fucking hope. So go ahead, blow your chance. See if I care.”

 

_ I don’t care.  _ She told herself as she turned away, angry tears pricking the back of her eyes like needles. Swallowing hard against the lump that had formed in her throat. Caring about people only got you hurt, only got you abandoned. How many years would it take for her to realize that?

 

Even Poe and Finn drifted in and out of her life depending on their deployment with the Airforce. Sooner or later everyone left her.

 

_ You did this though, _ she reminded herself cruelly. _ You pushed him away. This one’s entirely your own fault. _

 

She didn’t care. She couldn’t care.

 

Charging blindly through the forest she forced herself to think of something else. Anything else. Repressed images of her childhood boiling to the surface of her mind, scalding and sharp. She forced herself to think about them, dragging the bitter memories up as some sort of punishment at her foolishness. 

 

The years she spent alone, in cold concrete rooms with stained bedding and damp walls. She dragged up the times she’d tried to escape the system. The long nights hiding in dark doorways, the time she’d crawled beneath a car just to escape the cold terrors that roamed her night time world. She survived it all.

 

All of the endless procession of grim-grey buildings and uncaring adults. Back when she’d still thought her parents would come for her. The nights spent hugging herself to sleep pretending they were there. The way that, despite being entirely unable to remember her mother’s face or voice, she could remember exactly the warmth of her arms. The way she always smelt like lavender and talc.

 

Her hopefulness had made the others more vicious. Kids and adults alike. More determined to break her. She’d clung on to it though, the hope and the scent of lavender, even as she’d learnt to fight back. To survive without the company of others.

 

She’d made herself strong. To trust herself alone.

 

Then she’d discovered libraries, computers, and her world changed. She was good at fixing things - cars, laptops, anything metal. Solid, real things she could make a living from. Discovered she was as good at finding people as she was repairing engines. Everyone but her  _ own _ family.

 

She’d been eventually forced to acknowledge the truth.

 

She couldn’t find them because they didn’t want to be found.

 

They didn’t need her.

 

And neither did Ren.

 

Not now, not after  _ this _ . Which just made the furious tears building behind her eyes spill over as she broke into a sprint. Because she  _ needed _ him.

 

She stupidly, desperately, badly needed him.

 

All of his snarking and scowly faces, every half-smile and eye roll. The temper tantrums and awkward brushes of affection. She couldn’t imagine her life without him in it anymore.

 

And he was going to drop her, throw her away just like everyone else had.

 

The world had become a blur of greens in front of her eyes. Barreling towards the break in the trees as if she could outrun her own emotions. It wouldn’t be the first time she tried. She was almost free of the forest when someone stopped her. A hand tightened around her arm, whipping her around to face the person she was trying to get away from.

 

“Rey! This conversation isn’t over-” His words died in the air as he glared down at her. She met his eye, staring angrily at him through the tears, daring him to even try mentioning it. She refused to acknowledge her own weakness in front of him by wiping them away, even as uncertainty lit his eyes. “Oh.”

 

“It felt pretty over to me.” She snapped, trying unsuccessfully to pull her arm from his grip. Hating how her heart leapt traitorously at the sight of the stupid fucking mood ring she’d brought him still squished onto his pinky finger.

 

The stone was black now. She wondered what that meant.

 

Nothing good.

 

“Well?” She prodded him when he didn’t say anything, just looking at her with those intense dark eyes. The hurt and anger still glimmering behind his gaze, although faded now. Farway and almost… scared. “You can trot off back to the the City now, there’s obviously no reason to stay.”

 

“I told you,” His words came out so quietly she could barely hear them over the sound of her heartbeat. “I won’t leave you.”

 

All of her breath left her body at once.

 

“But-” She gestured vaguely to where they’d abandoned his parents. Unable to stop the bitterness from infecting her words. Actively trying to sabotage herself now. “You’re done with me remember? I’ve got my  _ paycheck _ , you’re free.”

 

“Just because--” He took a deep, shuddering breath. Her eyes trapped in his as he looked at her. “Because you did this. Which I am still  _ not _ okay with, by the way. That doesn’t mean I’m letting you go. Not now.”

 

“Really?” The rage was fading at an alarming rate, draining from her chest and leaving a fluttering, painfully vulnerable thing in it’s wake. She fought to keep stubbornness in the set of her shoulders as she watched him. Almost unable to believe he could possibly want her to stay with him now.

 

“You-” He hesitated awkwardly. “You never told me about your family.”

 

“What’s to tell?” She dropped her eyes hastily, suddenly fascinated by the scuffed toes of her boots. “They left me when I was five. No big deal. I survived.” She cleared her suddenly tight throat. “Anyway. It sounds like your childhood wasn’t exactly a picnic.”

 

“Guess we have that in common.” He murmured, “we could compare sob stories sometime.”

 

She almost smiled at that, looking up at last. “Parents, huh?”

 

“Yeah.” He raised his eyebrows, huffing quietly at the thought.

 

“So… what now?” She asked after a moment of silence, her heart beating in her throat in the sudden stillness.

 

Almost a minute passed before he replied, his eyes squeezing shut for just a moment as he considered his options. She wanted to say so much. To apologize a thousand times over, to clip him around the ear and tell him to sort his life out. To hurl herself in his arms and demand he never let her go. Instead she stayed very still, letting him work it through in silence.

 

“We go back.” He muttered at last, the words directed at her shoulder.

 

“We?” Her breath caught in her lungs, trying to keep from sounding too pathetic as she watched his face. Carefully judging the emotions flickering over his features. Trying to believe he might still want to know her after all this.

 

“There is no way I’m going back there without you.” He grumbled at last, eyes flicking to her face as he scowled at her. Suddenly looking like an overgrown child. “Not when it’s your fault in the first place.”

 

She laughed. A stupid, watery giggle at his flushed face. Completely inappropriate for the moment but welcome, clearing some of the ache from her heart.

 

“You can forgive me then?” The guilt surged back with a vengeance, shining in her eyes as she tried to silently apologize for all the things she couldn’t find words for.

 

“Eventually.” He muttered, brushing the salty streaks from her face with his thumbs. The touch sparking through her and sending her blood rushing to her face.

 

Unable to stop herself she stretched up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to his almost chastely. A soft, tender expression she would never be able to voice aloud. When she pulled back he was blushing.

 

She felt her mouth twitch into a smile as he took her hand, clearing his throat and looking anywhere but at her as he pulled them back towards the center of the park. “Let’s get this over with then.”

  
  



	22. Carry On My Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most awkward family dinner in all existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie

Ren hadn’t been able to look at them. Had endured his mother’s tight hug and his father’s terse, uncertain arm pat as best he could before pulling away. Taking two steps back, enough to allow him to breathe again, re-establishing the space between them.

 

Beside him he’d felt Rey’s dissatisfaction with his response and it had been a struggle to keep his anger from flaring.

 

Just because  _ she _ would probably forgive her neglectful assholes of parents and run straight into their arms like a Disney movie didn’t mean he could.

 

His mother looked like she wanted to reach out to him again but his father dropped a hand on her shoulder, restraining her. It was the first time in a long while that he felt grateful towards the man.

 

“We’d like it if you came home for a few days. Please.”

 

His mother’s voice was beseeching, pleading almost and he swallowed thickly, refusing to give into the cloying emotions rising in his chest. A minute he could survive, an hour maybe, but days in their company would end him.

 

“No.”

 

Rey’s hand landed on his wrist, small fingers digging into his skin, nails causing little bites of pain.

 

“He doesn’t mean that, he’ll go with you.”

 

His annoyance at her spiked. He hadn’t agreed to this and she was testing his goodwill long before she had any right too.

 

His mother seemed to notice her there for the first time.

 

“Oh! Of course, I’m sorry Rey. It’s fine if you want to go you now, we can organise a ride back for…” her eyes skittered over him “...Kylo. You don’t have to wait around. We’ll put the money in your bank account first thing tomorrow.”

 

He seized hold of Rey’s hand properly, thrusting their clasped palms forward as if they would ward off his parents somehow. 

 

She didn’t get to run out on him like that. 

 

“She comes too. Or I’m going straight back.”

 

They both looked surprised by that. Obviously Rey had been leaving some rather pertinent details about their relationship out of her reports. Perhaps she had thought it would make her look ‘unprofessional’.

 

“And one evening, one night is all you are getting.” It was all he thought he could survive  “Then I’m gone and this farce is over do you understand? So whatever you want to say to me, make sure you say it  _ quickly _ .”

 

His mother nodded, laying a careful hand on his arm as if touching him again might burn her. It took everything he had not to shrug it off, to push her away.

 

“Let’s just go home, we can talk about it there.”

 

Skillfully not agreeing to his terms. Ever the negotiator. 

 

He wished she would stop calling it ‘home’.

 

“We’ll follow you, in Rey’s car.”

 

He couldn’t make himself get in a car with these people. It would be too much, to be enclosed in such a small space.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll be right behind you.” Rey reassured them, shooting him a look like he would bolt for the hills the moment they turned away. Which he would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about.

 

But instead he trudged along after her, back to the rusty red death trap and eased himself into the passenger seat. It was strange to think it had not even been an hour since he had last been sitting here, so full of hope for what he had assumed was a date.

 

Well now he knew better than to assume the best of a situation, especially any situation with  _ her _ . He should have known something was going to go terribly wrong.

 

His jaw ached from clenching his teeth so hard.

 

The car ride was even tenser than the one after she’d kidnapped him. Part of him wanted to talk, to ask her more about her past, about how her parents had left her. To ask if he’d been right about his initial impression that she was homeless. And to ask why she had never told him.

 

But his pride wouldn’t let him break the silence first and she was refusing to look at him, instead staring blankly at the road ahead of them. So he emulated her, fixing his gaze on the buildings flashing past, trying his hardest not to think about what was coming.

  
  
  


The car journey seemed too short and before long they were pulling up in front of a painfully familiar house.

 

Inside though the house had changed quite a bit. He didn’t know why that surprised him so much, after all it had been fifteen years, but it did. Gone were the bright bold colours on the walls, the ‘ethnic’ art his mother used to display. In their place were white, featureless expanses and tasteful minimalist decor. It felt colder, less personal.

 

Still he was glad of it, stepping into a house that was exactly the same would have probably undone him.

 

“First time you ever brought a girl home.” His father attempted a smile as he passed. It looked more like a grimace and out came the awkward, lingering shoulder pat again. He supposed it was better than the man attempting to hug him.

 

“We’ll have a family dinner, just like the old days.” 

 

Ren almost laughed at his mother’s words. He literally could not recall ever having anything he would class as a ‘family dinner’. Normally he’d eaten in the kitchen with the nanny.

 

His mother was looking at him, staring at him really, her face tensing up like she wanted to cry but after a moment she blinked, once, twice, then looked away. After all Senator Leia Organa-Solo didn’t cry. He wasn’t even sure she knew how. She could get rather spectacularly angry when she was riled but he had never seen her shed a single tear.

 

“We’ve invited Luke. It’ll do him good to get out. He’s become something of a hermit these days.” She had pulled out her mobile phone, staring down at it for a moment with a frown “I mean he spends a lot of time in his shed now, after his retirement and all. I think he finds the solitude soothing.”

 

Right, solitude.  It had taken him until college to realise what the strange, vaguely herbal smell that hung around his Uncle Luke was. Honestly, it was a miracle the man had managed to run a boarding school for as long as he had before a major incident occurred. He supposed as long as the police never raided the shed, his uncle would be fine.

 

He lingered awkwardly in the hallway, watching Rey while she peered at the various photos and paintings on the wall. Wandering past his family memories like they were museum pieces to be pored over. He wondered what she thought of all this,  _ really _ thought of it.

 

There was a knock at the door and his mother rushed to open it, embracing the shabby looking man that stood there.

 

Time had all but obliterated his uncle’s boyish good looks, turning him into some kind of insane mountain man lookalike, complete with nearly shoulder length hair and a lumberjack beard that didn’t suit him in the slightest. He wasn’t really sure whether the man was going for fashionably hipster or had simply given up caring.

 

“Ben. it’s...good to see you again.”

 

His eyes were still the same though, infinitely warmer and more caring than either of his parents had ever been, crinkled at the edges. He had missed him...in some strange way.

 

“Uncle.”

 

“And this is?”

 

“Rey. She’s….”

 

He trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

 

“We hired her to track down Ben.” His father answered for him before sauntering off into the kitchen after his mother. Ren wondered if she was actually cooking in there. More likely she was reheating something the chef had made earlier.

 

“Well she obviously did a better job of it than the last few. And she’s staying for dinner?”

 

Rey flushed, looking supremely uncomfortable. Ren felt a little vengeful stab of pleasure at that. Good, she didn’t get to be comfortable while she was putting him through this hell of an evening.

 

“Yes. We’ve become quite close. Something I gather she was leaving out of her intelligence reports.”

 

He wasn’t really sure why that irked him so much. It’s not like he  _ wanted _ her to have given his parents a blow-by-blow of the way he’d fallen head over heels for someone they had paid to be around him. But to leave out  _ every _ aspect of it? 

 

It seemed too much like she was ashamed.

 

“I wasn’t leaving anything  _ important _ out!” She hissed at him, eyes narrowing.

 

“One word: Twister.”

 

“They don’t need to know that!”

 

“The motel room?”

 

“Was your fault! For being such a baby about a few bugs!”

 

“ _ Throwing _ yourself at me at the Gala?”

 

“That wasn’t… you know that wasn’t anything to do with…  _ this _ !”

 

“I’m beginning to wonder exactly what you  _ did _ put in your reports, you seem to have left nearly everything out.”

 

Luke looked between them, evidentially confused.

 

“So...you’re dating then?”

 

“No!” said Rey at  precisely the same time Ren said “Yes!”

 

They glared at each other for a moment.

 

“Meal’s ready!” His mother called from the kitchen, breaking the tension. Definitely reheating then, that was far too fast for her to have cooked anything from scratch.

 

The table was too large and fancy for such a small gathering, probably usually used only for his mother’s dinner parties. Everyone looked unanimously uncomfortable as they sat down on the shining metal and glass seats that had replaced the carved mahogany he remembered from his childhood. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Rey try to lean back then wince, sitting up straight again.

 

The plates came out piled high with spaghetti. It had been his favourite meal as a child. He wondered how his mother remembered that, had she written it down in a little file somewhere that she’d dredged up upon his return?

 

A small traitorous spark of warmth lit up his chest but he stamped on it ruthlessly.

 

His uncle smiled at everyone around the table, seeming to be more at ease with the situation than he had any right to be. After all the last time Ren had really seen him had been when the man had taken him to his court hearing after he’d burnt down down his uncle’s school, hospitalised a large chunk of his students and destroyed his professional reputation.

 

Maybe the ‘self medication’ helped with the forgiveness.

 

“Well, it’s nice to finally be welcomed back.” 

 

“You’ve been welcome here for years Luke, don’t start on that a _ gain _ .”

 

His mother’s voice was fond but exasperated, her default tone whenever she spoke to her brother.

 

“Yeah we should have banned you for longer,” put in his father.

 

She turned to Rey “Luke was banned from our house for a little while, over a bit of a misunderstanding…”

 

“Misunderstanding?” His father leant forward  “He named Ben after some cult leader he used to hang out with.”

 

Rey looked vaguely appalled and completely fascinated. Ren felt like crawling beneath the table and never reappearing. Did they really need to tell this story again? It had been thirty years since his birth, couldn’t they just let it go?

 

“Only because you two had literally been arguing for two hours over his name. Benjamin Luke Solo is a perfectly good name. And it wasn’t a  _ cult _ , it was a gathering of spiritually enlightened souls who got together to bring peace to the universe via being one with ‘the force’.”

 

Han snorted “What he means by that is he used to go to a hippy commune and smoke weed with this guy, that he then named our son after.”

 

“You see why I changed it.” Ren muttered darkly to Rey under his breath, stabbing his spaghetti with more force that was probably necessary. 

 

“If it wasn’t for me,” Luke continued on blithely “He would have been stuck with Chewbacca Lando Solo or Bail Leonardo Solo. Both names that would have gotten him bullied rather a lot, don’t you think?”

 

“...Chewbacca?” Rey sounded a mixture of horrified and fascinated.

 

Predictably his father leant forward again, ever ready to defend his friend.

 

“Hey, there ain’t nothing wrong with Chewbacca. Great old Kashyyyk name...or  Thikkiianaian I forget which...anyway, it was the name of a buddy of mine back from my old roadtrip days. Great guy, loyal as they came, seven foot tall if he was an inch. Beard you could lose a wampa in. He’s backpacking round the Outer Rims now.”

 

“You know, I never could understand a word he was saying. His accent was always just so incomprehensible.” His mother put in while picking at her own spaghetti.

 

“I understood him fine, it’s not his fault you don’t listen.”

 

“I listen perfectly well--”

 

Luke gave a pointed cough and his mother snapped her mouth shut, neatly averting another patented Solo family argument. Ren clenched his fists under the table, trying to ignore the tenseness in the air.

 

He hated this. This… playing at happy families.  This was never the way it was, family dinners and a fully set table. His mother pretending to be a happy little homemaker who cooked spaghetti. There were even napkins, for god’s sake.  _ Napkins _ . Even if he’d happened to get both parents under the same roof, dinners had been rushed hurried affairs. Everyone had better things to be doing, more important things.

 

He could see his mother eyes flicker toward her cell phone every minute or so, no doubt she was attempting to ignore some kind of political situation for this farce. And his father looked supremely uncomfortable, like he’d prefer to be anywhere else rather than here. Probably wishing he was backpacking around the Outer Rims with his Bigfoot impersonator friend.

 

_ ‘At least they’re trying’ _ The voice in his head sounded so startlingly like Rey that he glanced over at her in confusion, trying to ascertain if she’d spoken. But no, she was still engaged in conversation with his Uncle Luke about his belief in the oneness of the universe.

 

Well it shouldn’t surprise him that she’d become, for want of a better word, his conscience.

 

Because they were...something now.

 

Rey had kissed him. But he wasn’t entirely sure what her kisses  _ meant _ yet. Other than she didn’t hate him, which was obviously a good start. It had been an innocent, almost tender gesture, something meant to calm and soothe rather than ignite passions.

 

The cynical part of him said she’d done it to lure him back to his parents, the part the didn’t entirely trust her again yet. He knew they hadn’t been crocodile tears, she had been genuinely upset but that didn’t mean she was above turning a fortuitous circumstance to her advantage.

 

And she had taken the money. Which technically meant all her obligations toward him had come to an end.

 

Which meant she could potentially leave him.

 

No. He wasn’t going to let that happen. If staying with his parents was what he needed to endure to keep her next to him while he formulated a plan, well, then he’d endure it. Just until he figured out how best to make sure she stayed.

 

He stabbed a vengeful fork into his spaghetti, choking down a mouthful. It was strange how he couldn’t seem to taste anything. Then again no one particularly looked like they were enjoying their meal much. Even Rey who tended to eat like she’d just come off a hunger strike was merely pushing the food around her plate.

 

When either of his parents eyes flickered towards him he could see an odd hungry look in them. 

 

Like they wanted to devour him whole.

 

He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath in through his nose. It was just something he would have to endure, for tonight. Let them believe they had done all they could to bring him back then maybe, finally they would leave him in  _ peace _ .

 

The meal crawled on in awkward silence until his father put down his fork with an audible clatter.

 

“Look, Ben…”

 

His mother interrupted

 

“No, Han. It’s Kylo Ren now, remember? We agreed we were going to respect his choices…”

 

His father muttered something inaudible but almost certainly derogatory.

 

“Fine, look, Kyla or whatever…”

 

“--Kylo Ren--” his mother broke in at the same time as he said “--just Ren is fine, actually--”

 

He’d changed his mind. He wanted to go back to pretending to have a nice family meal.

 

“I just want to say, maybe we weren’t the best parents. But you weren’t the best kid, that’s for damn sure.”

 

His father looked across the table at Rey

 

“You want to know how much I had to pay out in damages?”

 

His mother cleared her throat pointedly.

 

“But anyway, let’s just let bygones be bygones. Come home. Your mother misses you.”

 

The table shook and his father winced as his mother obviously aimed a well placed kick at him.

 

“...and I miss you, of course. I thought that one was implied.” He added, somewhat too late, rubbing at his knee.

 

“I can’t.”

 

Rey’s hand landed on his under the table, giving it what was probably intended as a warning squeeze.

 

“Ben…” his mother had obviously forgotten her ‘supporting his new identity’ spiel from moments ago.

 

He hated having to explain himself, to them of all people. They had no right to demand explanations from him, no right to intrude on his life. But they just weren’t going to let it go...

 

“I have things in my life that can’t be undone, can’t be erased. And I don’t think you would want to be associated with my current line of work.”

 

“The First Order, ‘SnokeCorp’” his mother made air quotes, not quite hiding her grimace of disgust at the prevalent nickname. “You’re not your job.” 

 

Her voice was soft, the compassionate tone she used to talk to people on the news.

 

He almost laughed. His job was all he had, of  _ course  _ he was his job.

 

“Of course we’d prefer it if you weren’t working for a megalomaniac who is hellbent on political domination at the cost of the subjugation of millions. But--” 

 

She shrugged, raising her eyebrows

 

“-- at least you’re not on drugs.”

 

It was very difficult to keep his eyes from sliding over to Uncle Luke right then.

 

“It won’t work. If Mr Snoke knew I was here… he’d consider it a case of political espionage. He’d have me arrested, you arrested if he could. You’re his rival. I’d be fraternising with the enemy.”

 

And that was leaving aside the fact that every moment spent her was a reminder of the life he didn’t have. That they’d never really had _ this,  _ this ‘precious family’ time they were pretending so hard was normal right now. He’d been little more than a pawn, a showpiece to them and maybe they were regretting it now but it was too late.

 

He could feel Rey staring at him. Of course this was all news to her, she’d never even thought to  _ ask _ him his reasons for not going home.

 

“Then why don’t you quit. Come work for me, or your father can find you something to do on one of his filmsets I’m sure. You grew up so handsome…”

 

His mother turned to Rey

 

“...we were a bit worried when he was a teenager. He looked ever so gawky, like someone had put him together out of pipecleaners.”

 

“Mother!”

 

They were all staring at him now, expectant.

 

“It won’t work, I can’t leave. It’s best for everyone if I keep my distance.”

 

His mother smiled and he knew even before she opened her mouth she was already dismissing what he’d just said.

  
“Why don’t you sleep on it, it’s late.”


	23. I'll be Over Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How much room is there in Uncle Luke's shame shed? Rey needs to know for scientific reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rellie wouldn't let me title this chapter after a Nickleback song, I guess this is how she reminds me of what I really am.  
> SNOWFRIGHT WROTE THIS AND NOW SHE'S.... OUT! *drops mic*

 

 

 

This wasn’t like the movies.

 

Sure, on the surface it looked like it. Fancy house, walls lined with family pictures, little linen napkins and spaghetti. A smiling family around a shiny table.

 

But that’s as far as it went.

 

Ren’s family was _spectacularly_ weird.

 

His Senator mother, shiny-eyed but clutching her hands together so hard her knuckles were white as she tried to make everything perfect. His ex-movie star father, slouching and stoic, making inappropriate comments at every conceivable moment. His uncle, who seemed to have stumbled in directly out of the back of the Mystery Machine, wearing what she could only describe as a hemp cloak and waxing lyrical about his cult days.

 

Ren himself, scowling as he towered over everyone else even sitting down. It didn’t help that he seemed to have taken it upon himself to _personally_ make her as uncomfortable as physically possible.

 

Why in the stars did he have to bring up the _Twister_ incident in front of his family? Had he actually gone insane?

 

She blushed at the memory, trying to look inconspicuous at the end of the table. The fifth wheel at the dinner party from hell. The detective they’d hired to track down their son who had crossed just about every single professional boundary there was. Not here as a stranger exactly, but definitely not a girlfriend.

 

Because they weren’t dating.

 

They’d kissed sure, which was… yup. Very Nice. And it wasn’t like she was actively averse to the whole ‘official’ thing but they weren’t quite there yet.

 

For one thing they hadn’t actually been on a date. Which she had always been led to believe was a vital part of the ‘dating’ criteria. For another she was pretty sure he at least seventy five percent hated her right now point for dragging him here. For making him do this. Her heart squeezed guiltily at the thought. He’d have to get over that before they could actually… get with the dating thing.

 

And there was no way he could stop hating her until this was wrapped up with.

 

She had thought the reunion would be so different, that there would be more hugging. Crying even. That the past could be put to bed and Ren could reunite with his family like they did in TV. Then they’d go back to the City renewed, each made a better person by this crazy adventure. From the looks of it it she’d be lucky if they made it to the end of dinner without an attempted murder.

 

By the time the first course was finished she was just about ready to beg his Uncle to let her come live in his shame shed with him. Preferably with something very medicinal to calm her.

 

When Leia finally rose Rey seized her chance, leaping up after her on the excuse of helping clear the table. Ren grabbed her wrist, long fingers squeezing a warning. Like she might barrel roll out of the window the minute he let go.

 

“ _I’m_ not the one about to make a run for it.” She muttered, shaking him loose before adding more loudly. “Thank you so much for the wonderful meal, Leia.”

 

“Oh that’s okay, you don’t have to-” She gestured to the plates that Rey had already stacked up to her chin.

 

“No- no,” Rey was already legging it for the door, crockery wavering precariously as she went. “It’s the least I can do.”

 

The kitchen was just as colossal as everything else in the house. A gleaming world of marble-top surfaces and shiny white utensils. She set about unpacking the dishes, stacking them neatly on the side before trying to discover which ridiculous sideboard might hiding the dishwasher.

 

The door swung open behind her, admitting the tiny yet imposing figure of his mother.

 

“Dishwasher?” Rey asked with an awkward smile. Hoping she would have had at least thirty seconds alone to re-compose herself after that fiasco.

 

“Second on your left,” Leia replied kindly, hesitating over the sink before adding. “Rey… about Ben- Ken - _Kylo_ .” She let out an angry exhale, suddenly looking incredibly human. “ _Damnit._ ”

 

The perfectly calm facade fell as the older woman wracked a hand through her greying hair. Her dark eyes a mirror image of her son’s as frustration flashed through them. Ren’s face might’ve been mostly Han’s, but the eyes… they were all Leia.

 

“He prefers Ren.” Rey offered, abandoning her task to reach out and awkwardly pat her on the arm. Her efforts earning her a tired smile.

 

“Is he happy?” Leia asked suddenly, looking so helplessly lost, so hopefully and hurt at the time same time Rey had to swallow to clear the lump from her throat.

 

“I-” She hesitated, looking anywhere but at her not-boyfriend’s mother as she tried to find the words. “Can I be honest with you, Leia?”

 

“Of course, Rey.”

 

“Your son is…” She squared her shoulders and went for it. “Well to be truthful, he’s kind of a dick.” Leia’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline at that, but Rey forged ahead. “A total dick, really. _But,_ he’s also one of the best people I have ever met. He’s clever, and funny, and just a _complete_ pain in the ass.” She felt herself smiling stupidly and coughed to cover up the entirely inappropriate tone in her voice. Meeting Leia’s eyes again she tried to sound professional. “You shouldn’t worry too much about him.”

 

“Thank you Rey.”

 

“Oh it’s nothing,” She waved it off, adding silently to herself. _Just doing my job._

 

Oh yeah, _that’s_ what she called it.

 

Before she had time to turn away she was engulfed in a hug. The smaller woman wrapping her in deceptively strong arms and squeezing her almost fiercely.

 

Rey’s eyes flew wide, no one had hugged her like this in so long. Not since she was five. All warmth and strength and exotic perfume. She froze for a second beneath the shock of it, before slowly, awkwardly reaching out her arms to hug Leia back. Having to swallow hard when the lump reformed in her throat with a vengeance.

 

Leia drew back, small hands still gripping at her shoulders, mouth opening to say something when the door flew open again.

 

“Your husband’s about to choke your brother. He brought up the mid-winter Hoth camping trip again.” Ren glowered, stepping into the kitchen. Surprise flickering quickly over his face as his mother pulled away, patting Rey once before marching out of the kitchen. Muttering a curse word so obscure and filthy it actually impressed Rey.

 

She leant back against the counter as he stomped his way over to her, acting like she wasn’t on the verge of tears over something so silly as a hug. Nope, not her. Nonchalant was her middle name. Well, it could’ve been for all she knew.

 

 _“You_ seem to be winning my parents over just fine.” He snarked as the door swung shut behind Leia, leaving them alone in the kitchen. “We can swap if you like. I’ll take absentee over self-righteous any day.”

 

“Don’t be an ass.” She shot back, unable to keep from rolling her eyes at him. The sudden wave of tenderness fading as she gestured to the crockery still piled up on the side. “Make yourself useful and pass me the rest of those plates.”

 

They fell into silence as he rinsed them off and handed them to her to be stacked in the dishwasher. Both too lost in their own thoughts to need much in the way of conversation, neither quite able to believe they were actually there.

 

It was surreal to say the least.

 

“Did your Uncle really shut down D-Star labs in the 70s?” She asked as the last plate went in. Straightening up and brushing her hands on her jeans. “Single handedly?”

 

“Not single handedly.” He grumbled, shooting a dark look at the door. “My _parents_ helped. My grandfather built that company from the ground up and they destroyed it.”

 

“Geez” She flicked an eyebrow at him at the admission. There was even more to the Organa-Solo-Skywalker clan than she thought. “No wonder you’re so weird.”

 

He glared at her, trailing behind her automatically as she walked away. There were less photos in here, just one or two stuck on the windowsill, not as posed than the one’s in the hallway. Candid shots. Them in a park, looking happy enough she supposed. Although his father was looking off-camera at something else, and his mother had a phone the size of a brick in her hand. Ren… Ben as he’d been there, in his tweens, stood awkwardly in the middle. He was smiling, sort of, but the more she looked the more lost he seemed.

 

It made her sad for some reason, whether it was from jealousy or sympathy though she couldn’t tell.

 

“Your mum was right.” She said, by way of saying something at all, flicking her eyes up at him. “You did kind of look like you were made out of pipecleaners.”

 

Pipecleaners and elbows and knees. Almost hilariously gangly.

 

He flushed, ears turning pink as the glare doubled. Maybe it was wrong of her to tease him like this, when he was obviously already so uncomfortable here. But for her at least it helped. It made her feel like everything was almost… normal.

 

“Yeah well,” He glowered down at her, folding his arms over his chest and trying to look intimidating despite the blush. “I don’t see you offering any photos of yourself for comparison. Then again I doubt you’ve changed much,” He gestured to her hair scathingly, “Did you fall straight out of the nineties with that hairstyle, or is it just an accident?”

 

“I’ll have you know this is practical _and_ trendy.” She snarked, reaching up to adjust the buns at the back of her head self-consciously. Before reaching up to flick his cheek. “Besides, you don’t need to get so defensive, you grew into it. Maker only knows how you turned out so good looking.” She snorted, her phone buzzing in her hand and saving her from enjoying his blushes fully. “Ugh I’ve got to take this, promise me you won’t go all Lizzie Borden with a salad fork whilst I’m gone?”

 

“Fine.” He grumbled, all incoherent and scowling and charmingly pink as she pulled herself away.  

 

“Please tell me you haven’t burnt anything down?” She answered on the fifth ring. Unable to keep the smile from her voice when she saw who was calling.

 

“What? No. Of course we wouldn’t. We are respectable people.” Finn answered her, she could practically see him puffing his chest up at the other end. Which meant trouble.

 

“Finnnn what have you-”

 

“Reybies!” Poe cut across her, obviously on speakerphone. “Do you miss us? How’s the dirty weekend with tall, dork and handsome going? Using protection I hope.”

 

“Dameron.” She grinned despite herself, just glad to hear their voices after the day she’d had.  “It’s going just fine, thank you. I’ve just sat through the most awkward dinner party in the known universe with Ren’s estranged famous parents and stoner uncle AND I’m about to sleep in their house. None of which I’m sure they were expected when they hired me.”

 

“Well then, I guess you shouldn’t have shacked up with your mark then should you, kiddo?” Poe cackled, “That’s a very different kinda paid service Reysy-day.”

 

“Yeah, I do not miss you at all.”

 

“Aww don’t be like that - ugh! Bro.” Poe was silenced by something that sounded suspiciously like an elbow to the rib.

 

“Rey-” Finn cut across him. “When are you coming back? We miss you.”

 

“A few days maybe? I don’t think I can convince Ren to stick this out more than a day or two and then there’s the drive back.” She sighed, already missing the still hush of his apartment. Which… was ridiculous because _she_ didn’t live in his apartment. Because again, she was not his girlfriend. Although that didn’t mean she couldn’t appreciate its quiet charm. Or shower. “Are you guys looking after the place okay?”

 

“Of course we are!” Poe practically shouted, followed by more shoving sounds and whispers she couldn’t quite hear.

 

“Okay so,” Finn said after a moment, voice ever so slightly high pitched. “Just theoretically - like purely theoretically… how attached would you say The Count is to his sofa?”

 

“ _FINN._ ” She gasped, the blood draining from her face. “What have-”

 

“Sorry we gotta go love you bye.” Poe yelled a split-second before the phone went dead in her hand.

 

Rey groaned, smacking her head into the porch railing. Whatever they were doing there, it didn’t sound good.

 

Straightening up she turned back to the door, hesitating on the threshold before stepping back into the battle.

 

First she’d get through tonight. Make sure Ren didn’t abscond with her car, murder his parents or try and jump out of any windows.

 

Then she’d deal with whatever fresh hell the boys had cooked up back at his apartment.

  
That was… if he had an apartment to go back too of course.

 

 


	24. Everything is Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything, with the notable exception of his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bedsheets, was exactly the same as when he'd last left fifteen years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie

 

His bedroom hadn’t changed.

 

Whatever designer had been hired to make the rest of the house ‘Homes and Gardens’ magazine perfect had obviously been told to leave this room as it was- a depressing portal back to his teenage years. There were little differences, a few boxes piled up on what had been his desk and his mother had at some point apparently switched out his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bedsheets for plain blue ones. But otherwise it was still the same room. Down to the band posters on the wall, the airfix kits mouldering on the side unbuilt. On the back of the door his ‘Skywalker Academy’ tie was still looped over the hook, as if waiting for him to claim it. He ran a finger over the polyester sky blue and gold stripes, remembering how he hated putting it on every morning, how much it felt like a noose. It was why he avoided wearing a tie to work even now.

 

His hand was shaking slightly and he clenched it into a fist.

 

Resolutely turning his back on the door he started poking through the boxes, more for something to do than out of any curiosity. They mostly contained crumpled playbills and scripts for his father’s shows, his mother's old propaganda material from her campaigns. One revealed some old out-dated clothes and a slightly battered jewellery box of his mother’s.

 

After a moment's hesitation he opened it, hunting around until he dug out a plain silver chain. The stupid mood ring was starting to hurt his finger, not to mention the murky corpse green it was staining his skin. He slipped it onto the chain and fastened it round his neck, feeling pleased with his solution. It made an odd lump under his shirt but it was vastly preferable to having it jammed on his finger.

 

Still, really he should just throw it away. It was junk. Cheap gas store trash that she had bought in an attempt to divert him momentarily. 

 

He was ascribing sentimentality where he shouldn’t again.

 

There were dark blue pajamas laid out on the bed waiting for him, obviously his father’s. Nothing he’d owned when he was fifteen would come close to fitting him anymore. The pants stopped two inches short of his ankles and the buttons strained a little across his chest. A strangely poignant reminder his father, who had always seemed such a giant to him as a child, was smaller than him now.

 

He could already feel he was going to be too warm in the soft flannel.

 

Laying down on the narrow bed, he clicked the lamp off. 

 

He remembered this, how the streetlight outside his room threw dull orange light in through his window, how it was never truly dark. The grey shapes on the floor were almost the same. It gave him a creeping, dragging sense that he had somehow slipped back in time, that he was fourteen again listening out for his parents arguments, never seeming to get a proper night's sleep.

 

To disprove it to himself he stretched, bottoms of his feet knocking hard against his desk. There, when he was fourteen they would have fallen short. 

 

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

 

To distract himself more than anything he reached down and fished his phone out of his discarded pants pocket. Thumbing the button, watching as the screen stubbornly refused to brighten. No chance to buy a charger yet. Hux would have his head when they got back.

 

Suddenly he remembered.

 

There, nestled in the bedside drawer as it always had been, was his plastic Batman phone, an embarrassing relic from his early teens. He plugged it in, picked up the Batmobile shaped handset and was slightly shocked to hear the dull buzz of the dialtone. The number was punched in from memory.

 

It was late. It was highly doubtful anyone would be in the office but he could leave a message, explaining he would be out sick for a couple of days and--

 

There was a click and the last person he wanted to hear said,

 

“Hello, First Order, a subsidiary of Snoke Corporation. Our office hours are from eight thirty until--”

 

“Hux. What are you still doing at the office?”

 

“Ren.” He didn’t think he’d ever heard his name said with more disgust. 

 

“Well,” the unctuous voice continued “Since the employee who was supposed to be working on this project with me decided to disappear off the face of the earth, I have been having to put in some overtime.”

 

“I’ve been ill.”

 

“Of  _ course _ you have.”

 

He heard female tones in the background, clipped, commanding. Heard Hux mutter a hasty aside.

 

“Phasma? I don’t believe she’s part of our division.”

 

The silence from the other end of the line was seething.

 

“I do so hope you’re not engaging in anything extracurricular, Hux. Mr Snoke would not approve.”

 

“Well you’ll be able to ask him that yourself. He would like to see you when you are... over your illness. To discuss your worrying shift in priorities.”

 

The pause spoke volumes and he was seized with the overwhelming certainty that they knew. They knew where he was, who he was with. They  _ knew _ and now they were going to destroy him for his disloyalty.

 

Rey… would they do anything to Rey? He hadn’t thought so, had thought she was too much of a nobody to ever attract their attention. Some little PI scraping a living chasing cheating husbands and runaway kids. But if they thought she’d been the reason for his imagined defection…

 

He propelled himself to his feet, slamming the phone back down into it’s cradle without a goodbye. Which he knew was a bad idea as soon as he’d done it. It would make Hux even more suspicious no doubt. Would he trace the call? The location would be the final damning nail in his coffin if he did.

 

Nausea curled around his stomach in a sickening lurch.

 

Maybe he could take Rey’s car, steal the keys and be back in the City late tomorrow evening. Or he could bank on his ability to make Mr Snoke believe that he’d merely been… extremely hungover. 

 

Neither were ideal.

 

He hadn’t defected. He  _ wouldn’t. _ He was loyal to First Order, to Mr Snoke’s vision. Even if he didn’t agree with them all the time, he had decided years ago this was his path and he was  _ loyal. _  Coming here was the last thing he’d wanted.

 

It gave him an almost claustrophobic feeling of dread, like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. His legs went weak and for a moment he was afraid he might pitch forward, smack onto the ground in front of his desk. Pass out.

 

Instead he sat down heavily on the bed, leaning forward until his head was hanging down. Trying to draw a full breath, willing his racing pulse to slow.

 

The door creaked open and his head shot up.

 

Rey was dressed in his shirt again, eyes glassy and hair mussed from sleep. He wondered if he’d called out, made some kind of noise.

 

“I’m in the room just across the hall.”

 

That had been his nanny’s room, he guessed it was probably another innocuous guest bedroom now.

 

“Are you… okay?” Her voice was hesitant and the way she was looking at him made him wonder what she was seeing on his face. Nothing good, that was for certain.

 

“This was a terrible idea.” It was hard to keep the note of accusation out of his voice and he was pretty sure he failed. This was her fault, she’d dragged him here, if she’d just left him alone at the start when he’d asked her too, he’d still be…

 

Living his empty, neat life. 

 

Alone.

 

Completely and utterly alone.

 

Her hand hovered awkwardly above his shoulder, she obviously wanted to comfort him but seemed to be at a loss about how to go about it. 

 

Eventually she sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. Even despite the fact he still felt deeply angry at her, there was something strangely arousing about her sitting on his adolescent bed. Probably because had anyone told thirteen year old him that there would one day be an extremely attractive girl with him on his bed, a girl who had kissed him even, he probably would have imploded.

 

He reached out and clutched his hand around her wrist, a safe gesture, one he’d done several times before and she’d never pulled away. It was warm and fragile under his grip, so small his fingers spanned it with no problem. She felt like a talisman, something tangible to remind him this wasn’t his life anymore. As long as she was here, he could go back.

 

The aftermath of his panic had left him shaken, bone-weary tired. He let himself fall back against the bed, closing his eyes and burying his head in the pillow. Even the fabric softener smelt the same. Giving a little tug on her wrist, he tried to pull Rey down next to him.

 

But she remained stubbornly upright.

 

“You were right.”

 

He cracked an eye open to look at her as she spoke. In the orange glow of the streetlamp she looked oddly ethereal, like she was a figment of his imagination and the moment he let go of her she’d disappear.

 

“You’ll have to be more specific, I’m right about a lot of things.”

 

She gave a disbelieving huff that might have almost been a laugh.

 

“About this being a bad idea. I shouldn’t have done it.”

 

“Was that an apology I almost heard there?”

 

“No,  _ definitely _ not.”

 

“I didn’t think so. Lie down Rey.”

 

“I’m going back to my room,” she gave a futile little tug, trying to free herself from his hold “I need sleep,  _ someone  _ kept stealing all the blankets last night. I’m tired.”

 

He refused to let go, tightening his grip on the wrist he still held captive until, with a sigh, she gave up and let him pull her down next to him.

 

“You have to stay. If you don’t I’m liable to climb out the window the moment the door shuts behind you.”

 

“This is a single bed and you are eight feet tall. We’re not both fitting.”

 

Despite her words she wriggled a bit closer, letting him drape an arm across her middle. She was right though, he had to push himself right back against the wall for them both to fit. It would probably end up being exceptional uncomfortable. 

 

He didn’t care.

 

Her face was hidden by the fall of her hair, voice muffled by his pillow “I’m probably going to kick you in the night. Or punch you in the face, I’ve done that one to Poe.”

 

“Who hasn’t wanted to punch Poe in the face?” He muttered sleepily, making a mental note to interrogate her about the circumstances under which she was sleeping next to Poe later. 

 

“And your parents are literally just down the hallway and will probably think it’s kinda weird the investigator they hired is sharing a bed with their son.”

 

“Probably.”

 

“And also we’re not dating.” She added, seemingly as an afterthought.

 

“According to you.”

 

“Yes, according to me. I get a say in this too you know.”

 

He made a noncommittal grunting noise and tried to sink further into sleep.

 

“You hate me right now.” She reminded him, obviously not finding his reply satisfactory.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Probably not a good point to start dating from.”

 

“Probably.”

 

“So we’re agreed? We’re not dating?”

 

He tightened his grip on her, folding her in against his chest, warm and real. And something that, right now in this moment, was just his.

 

No one was going to take her away from him.

 

“Go to sleep Rey.”

 


	25. Wake me up (Can't Wake up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes up in the clutches of evil. And kinda likes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written by Snowfright, who must (for legal reasons) start by saying Rellie objected loudly to the chapter title but was overruled. YOLO.

Rey wasn’t entirely sure why but she really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to wake up.

 

She screwed her eyes tightly shut, fighting off the early morning sunlight spilling in from beneath the curtains. Turning her face from the unwelcome brightness and dropping it heavily into the mattress.

 

The mattress groaned.

 

Her eyes shot open as the bed shifted underneath her. Okay, not bed. Ren. His arms tightened around her as she fought to get her bearings. Her unconscious mind, stubborn even in slumber, seemed to have decided if she couldn’t fit comfortably next to him she would just sleep on him instead. Waking up sprawled over his body, under the sheets. 

 

Ren, in contrast, had decided to turn her into his very own personal teddy bear. 

 

Her face flushed as she tried to work out which limbs were hers and which were not. It was compromising to say the least; her, well technically  _ his _ , shirt rucked up around her waist, one of her legs hooked around his hip, both of her hands tangled in his shirt and a face full of very warm man chest. Rendering her momentarily speechless at how stupidly  _ good  _ it felt.

 

She imagined it was only sheer stubborn force of will that had allowed them to sleep at all in his childhood bed, nevermind so relatively peacefully. That and the exhaustion that could only come from the accumulated awkwardness of the dinner party from hell fifteen years in the making.

 

A quick glance proved she hadn’t given him a black eye the night at least.

 

Although she wasn’t above doing it now if he didn’t ease up his grip.

 

He was pretty strong for someone apparently in a dead sleep, holding firm as she tried to wriggle her way free without disturbing him. He grumbled sleepily, nonsense words as he rolled onto his side, taking her with him with an undignified squawk. Her eyes flew wide as he pulled her tighter against him as he slept on. 

 

She pushed at his shoulders, fingers slipping over the royal blue material of his borrowed pajamas as she tried to get free. The only colour she’d ever seen him wear. They were too small for him, buttons straining over his broad chest. She fought the sudden, completely inappropriate urge to pop a couple loose. Free the tantalizingly freckled skin beneath to the morning air. 

 

Her face burnt redder than ever at the sudden intrusive thought, and the flickering heat it stoked in her. Shaking her head to clear it as she redoubled her escape attempts. Irritated she could be so easily distracted by a stupid little things like freckles, or the way his eyelashes looked like black smudges against his cheek. Not to mention the fact he was _ still  _ sleeping. Part of her had the sneaking suspicion he was putting it on, doing this on purpose as payback for her meddling.  _ Bastard _ .

 

She had almost worked her way out of one arm when she heard it, the unmistakable sound of the house waking up around them. The far off chatter of voices, a door clicking open in the distance, the tread of footsteps in the hall. 

 

She froze, stilling her careful extraction plan. Trying not to breathe as someone passed by in the hallway. This would look so,  _ so _ unbelievably dodgey if anyone were to catch them now.

 

Her lack of professionalism stunned even herself.

 

She was never supposed to be here. In this house, in his bed. It broke every unwritten rule of the job. She was supposed to find him, set up the meeting and vanish. Cheque in hand. 

 

Her heart thudded guiltily at the thought. The job was over and she had exactly zero intention of leaving. Not until he made her. Awkward family reunions, glaring matches and all. Even if they weren’t dating, technically. Even if he still hated her for this. She liked him and that was enough. More than  _ liked _ really.

 

She… She...

 

She didn’t have time to dwell on it. 

 

Not when she could be caught  _ Ren _ -handed at any moment.

 

Right now she just had to make it back to her own room before anyone noticed. Everything else could come later.

 

Which would mean actually getting out of the death-grip the Big Frustrating Giant had on her. Even if it meant chewing through his arm in the process.

 

“Ren,” She whispered loudly, thumping him none too gently as she tried to pull away. Not wanting to resort to cannibalism just yet. “ _ Ren. _ Wake up.”

 

Her heart stuttered as he honest to God growled at her. Arms clenching possessively about her, squeezing the breath from her lungs even as a traitorous warmth spread through her. She cursed herself silently, she should definitely  _ not  _ be so into this. Especially not when he seemed determined to crush her.

 

“Oi sleeping beauty, ” She squeaked, trying futilely to kick him instead and getting trapped by his leg in the process. “Wake the fuck up.”

 

“No.” He groaned sleepily, burying his face into her hair. “Go back to sleep.”

 

So he  _ was _ awake then. She glared at him furiously, even as the butterflies in her stomach did a little jig at his stupid grumbly morning voice and the way his fingers clenched against the stolen fabric of her shirt.

 

“Ass” She muttered, trying to keep hold of her anger as she gave up on pushing him away.  Turning her focus instead on finding the best place to jab him until he released her voluntarily. Finding the perfect soft spot just underneath his collar bone and stabbing her fingers into it. 

 

He swore at that, one long arm releasing her just long enough to capture her hand and trap it between them before she could protest. Half turning to lock her more firmly beneath him, trussing her up like a Christmas freaking turkey.

 

“Stop it.” He cracked one dark eye open at last, glaring at her with it. She scowled back, trying not to look as breathless as she felt. “Haven’t you done enough for one weekend?”

 

She narrowed her eyes.

 

“It is getting late,” she whispered loudly, hoping her words would drown out the sudden thunderous beat of her heart. It was making a desperate bid for escape, unable to cope with being so thoroughly dwarfed by him. “And your parents could come and check on you at  _ any moment _ . Now move before I knee you someplace you might need later.”

 

To back up her threat she managed to maneuver one leg free just enough that she could drag it along his thigh. The movement far more inadvertantly sensual than she anticipated. The brush of skin against soft fabric sending a jolt through her as he drew in a sharp breath. His shoulders locking with tension as his eyes flew open completely. 

 

He shoved her away so hard she tumbled off the bed. 

 

Falling on her ass in the middle of the hardwood floor with a thud. Her hair tumbling over her face as she gaped indignantly at him. 

 

He stared back in disbelief. He looked ridiculous, all tall and tousled and scruffy looking in the morning light, six foot three inches of broad man in small pajamas surrounded by the remnants of his childhood and looking at her like a grumpy deer in the headlights. 

 

And then, surprising both of them, he laughed at her. 

 

Snickering at her slumped form as furious indignation rose in her bones. She struggled to her feet, trying to look imperious as she squared her shoulders at him. Something that would have been easier if she wasn’t still wearing his shirt and little else whilst standing in his stupid nerdy teenage bedroom with him smirking up at her discomfort.

 

“Get dressed asshole, if you’re not downstairs in 10 minutes I’m telling that ginger snake you work with about all the model airplanes you still have in your bedroom.”

 

She felt a satisfying pulse of victory as his smile died on his face, anger tightening his mouth as he stared at her in silent horror.

 

She didn’t give him time to formulate a response, dashing to the door on and slipping out into the hallway before he could stop her. So wrapped up in her childish glee at getting the last word in she completely missed the person walking in front of her.

 

Until she nearly bowled them over.

 

All the blood in her body rushed to her face as she hastily steadied Ren’s tiny mother. Eyes widening until she thought they might well pop out of her head at the unexpected encounter.

 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry Mrs Sol - Senat - Uh - Leia,” She stuttered, drawing away and wishing with every fiber of her being that the elegant ottoman in the hallway would come to life and swallow her whole.

 

If Leia was in the least bit surprised at Rey’s sudden appearance she didn’t show it. Not a hint of disapproval marring her features. The older woman smiled warmly at her like it was an everyday occurrence for the private investigator they’d hired to reunite them with their missing son to come sneaking out of his bedroom in the early hours of the morning. Half dressed and distinctly rumpled looking.

 

“No harm done, Rey.” She beamed, giving her a firm pat on the arm.

 

Rey managed a nod, almost stepping away before the pat turned into a gentle grip. Leia anchoring her in place with a feather-lite touch that might as well have been an iron chain.

 

Rey felt her heart climbing up into her throat as she tried to figure out the etiquette of this situation. What was she supposed to say now? Apologize maybe for crossing so many boundaries in Leia’s house, insist nothing untoward had happened.

 

Ask about breakfast?

 

Before she had time to embarrass herself further Leia started speaking again.

 

“Oh, I forgot to mention last night, but I was hoping we might all have lunch together today.” She waved her free hand descriptively, the other still holding Rey subtly in place. “Say one o’clock? I have a meeting I have to rush too now,” She checked the elegant little silver watch on her wrist with a flash of irritation before the smile returned. “But I’ll leave the address on the counter. We’d really like you and Be- Ren to join us.”

 

“Y-yes. Of course.” Rey seemed to have turned into a nodding dog. Unable to do anything more eloquent than jerk her head mechanically in way of agreement, still unable to fully meet her eye. Willing to agree to just about anything if it would mean this conversation could be over and she could hide in her borrowed room until the urge to leap from the nearest window had passed..

 

“Great, I’ll see you both then. Have a wonderful morning, Rey.” 

 

Like that the grip was released and Leia had breezed past her toward the stairs.

 

“You too.” She said dumbly after a five second delay before practically running into her temporary bedroom. It wasn’t until she was leaning back against the tightly closed door, pulse rushing like a freight train, that she realized exactly where Ren got his devious powers of persuasion from.

 

He’d only tricked her into attending a Gala.

 

Leia had managed to get her into the sequel to the Awkward Family Meal From Hell without even trying. 

 

And somehow made it so she’d be the one who had to make Ren agree to it in the first place.

 

She supposed it was the least she could do, after showing up like this and generally encroaching into their house when she should be long gone. And hey, she could always just trick Ren into it again. Roll up on the restaurant and shout  _ surprise _ . She squashed the thought, there would be no more lying between them now. And anyway, maybe she wouldn’t need too.

 

Maybe he’d agree anyway, because part of him might  _ want _ to go.

 

Or more likely because he would know it would be the fastest way to get himself home, knowing she wouldn’t drive back without at least stopping by the restaurant first.

 

She inhaled deeply, forcing herself to stop breathing like an asthmatic chihuahua and start breathing more like an actual regular human being again. She really  _ did _ want Ren to spend more time with his parents after all, he deserved to get some answers from them. To tell them what he needed too so they could go back to the City on hopefully better terms. More… date-potential-y terms.

 

Although she’d have been just fine waiting in the car whilst he did it.

 


	26. Warning: Parental Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just so we're clear: this is not a date. (It's totally a date).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie.

After Rey’s ignominious exit from his bedroom, Ren had reluctantly hauled himself up and started to paw through the clutter in his bag. Everything was reaching such a state of creased-ness he wasn’t really sure what he could wear anymore.

 

Finally he settled on his dress pants (again) and a t-shirt that looked slightly less like a failed origami project than the rest of his clothes. Thank god they were going home today, or he’d be forced to borrow more clothes from his father, which would just be a dismal failure all round. Han Solo was the kind of man who still thought vests were ‘neat’.

 

Slipping the junk ring around his neck, he raked a final hand through his hair and then began shoving everything hastily into his backpack. Really he’d like to shave but that was something he could do once they were safely returned home.

 

Because if she was so insistent they got up then they were leaving,  _ right now. _

 

It wasn’t as if he’d wanted to get up. He’d wanted to just lay there, with Rey in his arms and enjoy just... _ being _ for awhile. The space had been small enough neither of them had stolen the blankets and she’d been a comforting weight on his chest. He’d never realised it could be nice to share space with someone like that, that it would feel right to wake up and know someone was there.

 

A soft knock on his door startled him out of his thoughts, and Rey called out,

 

“Ren?”

 

Her voice sounded...odd. More girlish than usual, almost high-pitched. Uncertain.

 

“What?”

 

He doubted very much if he was going to like her answer.

 

“Don’t kill me...but...I kind of...agreedwe’dtogotolunchwithyourparents.”

 

Scrubbing a frustrated hand across his face, he bit back a groan.  _ Of course _ she had.

 

“No.”

 

“But…”

 

Ren glared at the door as if she could see him, imagining her hovering on the other side, hands pressed tentatively against the wood. He strode across and yanked open the door, causing her to fall forward, almost straight into his arms. Another time, another situation and he would have greatly enjoyed that.

 

As it was he simply straightened her up and met her defiant glare with one of his own.

 

“No!”

 

“Ren--”

 

“Pack your things, we are leaving right now before one of them appears to stop us.”

 

She pushed her hair out of her face, still glaring at him. As if she had any right to when she was the one constantly selling him out to his parents.

 

“I don’t see why we can’t just…”

 

“Whose family is this? Trust me, we can’t  _ ‘just’ _ anything. Give my mother an inch and before you know it she’s organising your life for you.”

 

“But you barely even talked to them last night, especially your father…”

 

That caused a little stab of hurt and he took a step back from her.

 

“Well he didn’t exactly have much to say to me did he.”

 

She stomped off back to the other room, presumably to pack up her things.

 

Like this was all somehow  _ his _ fault. Ridiculous.

 

Still neither of his parents appeared as they made their way to the front door. Nobody jumped out to try and shepherd them off to what would undoubtedly be the lunch from hell. Maybe he was due some good luck and they could actually make their way back to the City unharassed. 

 

For a moment he even thought Rey might let it lie, following him almost docilely out of the front door. But even as they made their way to the front gate she was apparently already gearing up for another attempt.

 

“Look, we can just stop by the restaurant, it won’t take us--”

 

She broke off suddenly, stopping dead in her tracks and staring open-mouthed at the street.

 

“My cars gone.”

 

There was indeed a conspicuously empty sidewalk where her car had been parked yesterday.

 

“They probably had it moved into the garage. It  _ is  _ an eyesore after-all.”

 

She shot him a glare then took off in the direction of the double garage while he followed at a more sedate pace. However, it was clear as soon as the doors were opened that the garage contained nothing but the lovingly tarp covered  shape of the Falcon, as usual. No rusting little red car. Hm.

 

Rey was frantically searching through her bag for her keys, which had apparently also disappeared overnight.

 

“Maybe it got towed?” he suggested, but already a sneaking suspicion was starting to creep into his mind.There was definitely more to this than there first appeared, her keys disappearing was just  _ too _ coincidental.

 

“Towed? You mean, as in,  _ impounded _ ? That’s going to cost…”

 

Her eyes went distant as she obviously tried to work out exactly how much money she would be losing and she looked a little nauseated.

 

“Bill my parents for expenses.”

 

He grabbed her arm and started to tow her toward the house, ignoring her indignant protests. This had his mother written all over it.

 

\---

  
  


His mother's mobile number was scrawled across the grocery board in the kitchen so he punched it into the house phone. It rang out tinily for a moment before she picked up,

 

“Hello?”

 

“Where is Rey’s car?”

 

There was the slightest pause, really only a  _ second's  _ hesitation, but that was all he needed to confirm her guilt. His fingers tightened on the little plastic handset so hard he was surprised it didn’t dent.

 

“Oh your father noticed there was something wrong with it, I think the tail-pipe. He took it along to the mechanics, it should be fixed up by this afternoon--”

 

“My father has your car.” He relayed to Rey, watching as she went a worrying shade of gray. 

 

“He  _ took _ my car?”

 

“--don’t worry about how you’ll get to the lunch, you can take the Falcon--”

 

As if going to lunch had been high on his list of priorities. No doubt this was all planned, there was no way they could simply leave the city in the Falcon, his father would hunt him down and take his head if they tried. So they’d be forced to return to the house to drop off the car, and then maybe there would be something  _ else _ wrong with Rey’s or maybe the ‘lunch’ would somehow run on for hours and by then oh look it’s too late to drive back...

 

It’s like his mother was  _ trying _ to get him killed.

 

“--the keys are on the hanger beside the cooker--”

 

“Where did he take my car?” Rey was talking over his mother, fingers digging into his bicep, tugging at him insistently.

 

“They’ll return it this afternoon.”

 

It was obvious Rey believed that as little as he did.

 

“--I’ll meet you at lunch,” his mother continued “I have to go now, my meeting it about to start.” 

 

There was a click and the dialtone buzzed hollowly in his ear.

 

“She says there was a fault and they took it to the mechanics…”

 

“No! There’s nothing wrong with my car! She’s running fine and no one touches her but me! They won’t...they won’t understand her like I do!”

 

She looked genuinely distraught and he might have felt bad for her if it had been to do with anything other than her rustbucket of a car.

 

“What do you  _ expect  _ me to do?”

 

“Call you father! Make him bring her back!”

 

The fingers she was digging into his bicep were starting to get a little painful now so he shook her off.

 

“One, I don’t have his number. It’s not written on the board. Two, what makes you think he would listen to me anyway? And three, I doubt he knows precisely what my mother is up to...”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

Her words were almost accusatory, as if  _ he’d _ somehow planned this.

 

“Because she said we could take the Falcon. He would never let me drive that car in a million years.”

 

His father loved his car more than...well more than anything. It wasn’t even as if it were a true classic. The parts had been replaced so many times it was essentially a different car. But his father was obsessed with it.

 

“I’ve had good times in this car, kid,” he’d say, patting the seat lovingly “Good times.”

 

Ren had always neglecting to ask for more information, just in case ‘good times’ was code for ‘sex’.

 

One of his father’s ‘final straws’ with him back in his rebellious phase had been the time he’d ‘borrowed’ the Falcon when he was fourteen and ended up putting it into a ditch outside the city. His mother had been gratifyingly distraught at the idea he might have been hurt while his father had simply ranted about how much fixing up the Falcon was going to cost. Always wonderful to know where your fathers priorities lay.

 

Rey was still winding herself up over her abducted car, wondering aloud what they might think was wrong with it.

 

“I doubt there is anything wrong with your car.”

 

“What?”

 

He didn’t answer, merely frowned at the lunch reservation that was written alongside the number on the board. All they could do now was dance to his mother's tune and wait for an opportunity for escape.

 

\---

 

They made it to the restaurant with no major incidents.

 

True they’d had a bit of an argument over who got to drive the Falcon. Somehow she’d won, he wasn’t entirely sure how, and he’d spent the entire trip with both hands braced against the dashboard convinced she was going to wrap the car around a lamppost or something.

 

Of course if anything happened to it his father would blame  _ him _ .

 

The restaurant itself was more fancy than he’d anticipated, one those reserved upper class little bistros that his mother particularly liked and he particularly hated.

 

Rey certainly wasn’t dressed for it. Her ‘jeans and slightly over-sized t-shirt’ combination really stood out amongst the more traditionally attired lunchtime clientele. Not that he was much more appropriately dressed himself.

 

Still, the waiter hardly gave him a second glance when they stepped inside yet his eyes flicked disapprovingly up and down his companion. Taking in every stain on her jeans, the grubby much worn converse.

 

For a moment, just a moment, he looked at Rey and saw her how he imagined everyone else saw her. A small scruffy girl, barely out of her teens who clearly didn’t get enough to eat and had almost certainly stolen that shirt from someone else. Poor. Clearly, markedly poor. A stubborn set to her jaw and wariness in her eyes, her hard life written all over her. At best a charity case, at worst a liability.

 

In short ‘not their sort of people’. 

 

It made him feel angry, at himself for thinking it as much as anyone. He wasn’t ‘their sort of people’ anymore either. This wasn’t his world, it hadn’t been for a decade and a half and it never would again. It also made him feel like punching the waiter directly in his condescending face and dragging her out of there so no one would ever look at her like that again.

 

He rapped his knuckles hard on the maitre d’s desk to pull back his attention.

 

“Reservation under ‘Solo’ I imagine.”

 

The waiter at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed when faced with Ren’s cold stare. It meant they were quickly ushered to a secluded little table in the back and he made sure he kept a proprietary hand on Rey’s waist the entire way there. It made her look at him a little strangely but he didn’t care.

 

Once they were seated, they ordered two mid-range fairly inoffensive meals and then settled down to wait for his parents to arrive and for the drama to commence. This would likely be even more awkward than the ‘family dinner’ last night. For one thing the inevitable argument would be overheard by a lot more people, for another there would be no Uncle Luke to act as a buffer between him and his parents. 

 

It was going to be an unmitigated disaster.

 

The waiter arrived back to set down their meals, having a little difficulty maneuvering in the tight space. Ren wondered if they’d been seated back here in this tucked away little alcove because they weren’t dressed the part as he could see other tables were free on the main floor. The only reason to tuck them back here was that, or that it had been requested they put them somewhere more private.

 

It was lucky there were only two chairs or they’d never be able too--

 

Two chairs.

 

_ Why _ were there only two chairs? Why had they been seated at a two person table if his mother and father were joining them later? The reservation should have specified four people. It wasn’t even as if there was any room to even add more.

 

It hit him.

 

“This is a date.”

 

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

 

Rey stared at him, half-full mouth falling opening and eyes round with somewhat unflattering horror.

 

“No. No it’s not.”

 

“It is.”

 

“It’s not!”

 

Her voice rang loudly and the other patrons turned to stare at them. Flushing she leaned closer, hissing “It is  _ not _ a date, because we are not dating!”

 

Ignoring her continued denial of the obvious, he explained “It’s a date. My mother, the micro-managing busybody from hell that she is, has set us up.”

 

His annoyance was mixed with...the strange feeling of being somewhat impressed. His mother really could still outmaneuver him at every turn. She had obviously realised Rey was his one weakness and had already begun to make moves to insure she could continue to exploit it. He’d thought earlier about how Rey was… not one of them. Not one of the endless social circle of ‘nice girls’ his mother had started on with when he was younger, before he’d gotten bad enough no one wanted their daughters near him. Rey would hardly be her first choice, he imagined, but she wasn’t going to fight him on this one. Not when she could hold it over him, not when she would use it against him.

 

Well played, Senator Organa. Well played.

 

“The fact she likes you is, I’m afraid, a significant mark against you.” He added, chewing thoughtfully on one of the tomatoes from his garnish.

 

“It’s not a date.” Rey repeated, slightly less panicked this time. If only she weren’t so desperate for parental affection, it was clear she was going to fall for his mother's ploys every single time. It was probably a testament to how much he liked the girl that it didn’t put him off dating her entirely.

 

“I don’t want to be here either,” he muttered right back at her “I would much rather  _ not _ be potentially losing my job and ending up incarcerated so that my mother can play matchmaker!”

 

She looked startled for a moment, then something worrying passed across her face… a kind of hard determination. Her hand covered his, a warm and unexpected weight.

 

“Snoke’s bad news huh?”

 

“You could put it like that.”

 

It was vastly underplaying Mr Snoke’s true power of course. His true vision for what the company would become, how all-encompassing, how far-reaching. It was...thrilling to be a part of something so ambitious but lately it had started to lose its pull for him and he wasn’t even sure why. 

 

“Don’t worry, you won’t end up in jail. I won’t let you.” She smiled suddenly, brightly “You’d get beaten up too much, you’re far too pretty.”

 

Her hand tightened on his and he found himself twisting his hand so their fingers could interlace.

 

“You are by far the most surprising person I have ever met.”

 

He wasn’t even sure why he said it but it made her laugh, a short surprised exhale of a laugh. The sound made a strange warmth spill through his chest, like drinking hot coffee too fast.

 

“Thanks, I think? You’re pretty surprising yourself.”

 

She was looking up at him, still smiling a little with their hands tangled together on the table.

 

He made himself a promise.

 

Whatever happened to him, with Snoke, with his parents-- he wasn’t going to let anyone hurt her. Not ever. 

 

If they tried, he’d kill them.

  
  



	27. Dude, Where's my Car?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey only wants two things out of this: Her car back, and her not-boyfriend to get some much needed closure after a decade and a half of familial estrangement. Sounds easy enough, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written by Snowfright, who would like to make a formal disclaimer that what she knows absolutely nothing about cars. Nothing. (She can't even work the door handles on most of them.)

 

 

They touched her car.

 

They  _ touched _ her  _ car _ . 

 

_ THEY TOUCHED HER CAR. _

 

She launched herself from the Falcon before Ren had even finished parking it in the space. Hurling herself out of the door and towards the garage at the side of the Solo family house without a single thought for her own safety. She dimly heard Ren yell after her as she dashed across the tarmac but she didn’t stop to listen.

 

She could see the dull red shape of her car inside the garage and she wouldn’t stop until she got her hands on it. Until she could check it was unharmed, untouched and  _ just  _ as she left it. The fear that had seized her when she’d first seen it gone returning with a vengeance now it was finally back in her sight.

 

“Whatdidyoudotomycar?” It came out as one mad gasp as she entered the dimly lit building, heart palpitating as she rushed over to her precious car. Feeling calmer the instant her fingers touched the chipped paint work. The familiar scent of oil and metal soothing her nerves as Ren’s father turned to look at her in something vaguely like horror. 

 

“ _ What? _ ” He asked, eyebrows rising in shock.

 

She sucked in a deep breath, squaring her jaw as she glared up at him. Hands clenched tightly on the roof of the Speeder as she repeated the words in her slowest, most biting tone. “ _What_ did you _do_ to my _car?_ ”

 

She’d been played with too many times today. Tricked into getting Ren to eat with his parents. Car taken without a word. Turning up at the fanciest restaurant she’d ever been too, under dressed and out-classed only to find out the family lunch from hell wasn’t a family meal at all. It was… a date. Kind of. Not technically, dating involved asking and agreeing. This was a  _ coup. _

 

Not that she minded that part so much, eating with Ren on his own was much preferable to being squished into a family meal she had no place being at. It was kind of… nice actually. She always felt better when she could snark at him, it made any place instantly more comfortable. 

 

Not that she’d ever  _ admit _ that to Ren of course. 

 

Oh no no no. No matter how much how nice it felt with his fingers wrapped her around hers on the cold marble tabletop. The way his eyes crinkled just a little when he was trying not to laugh, the way the two freckles above his right eye merged when he was glaring at the waiter for sneering at her. She was keeping that to herself.

Well, at least until he’d actually took her out on a  _ date _ date. One that involved actually asking her to go to a place with him in a date-y way, upfront and honest. Then she might tell him. Maybe. 

 

Hell, if he took much longer about it she might just ask him herself.

 

Still, even his stupid crinkley eyes and warm hand couldn’t fully keep her attention. Not with the  thought of her missing car weighing over her head like a drunken elephant on a tightrope.

 

They didn’t  _ understand. _

 

No one did. 

 

Perhaps it  _ was _ stupid, to be this obsessed over a machine, but she couldn’t help it. The Speeder was so much more than just a slightly rusty car. It was  _ important.  _ She’d built most of the engine from scratch, pouring hours of her time, her care into it. It was the first thing she’d ever bought with her own hard-earned money.

 

It was… it was  _ hers. _

 

The only thing that had ever completely, wholly been hers in her entire life. The car was her pride and joy, her  _ freedom, _ even her home when the need called for it.

 

And someone else had touched it without her knowledge.

 

Her hands clenched into fists at her side as she glared up at GQ 1992’s Sexiest Man of the Year, Han Solo, demanding answers. She no longer cared that he was a respected actor, that he was richer than she could ever imagine, or even that he had helped spawn her not-boyfriend and paid her rent for the next year. 

 

He had touched the Speeder without permission and that made him the  _ enemy. _

 

“This junker?” He scoffed, wiping his hands off on a rag, “Her Worship said it was having engine trouble but I couldn’t find anythi-” The words trailed off as his eyes strayed from her, landing on the car they’d turned up in instead. His face paled, forehead creasing like an accordion as he let loose an absolutely despicable string of swears. “Sonuva - you let that maniac drive the Falcon?”

 

He strode past her before she could do much more than blink. “What have you done to her, Ben?”

 

“Ren.” She interjected from his elbow at the same time Ren drew himself up to his full height, scowling imperiously.

“Well, it’s just a car isn’t it. Cars are so ‘come and go’ round here, I didn’t think you’d even miss one just  _ disappearing _ .” He said, eyes narrowed to slits as he walked over to her shoulder. 

 

“What, so your mother pawns your girlfriend’s car off on me and you try and total the Falcon as payback?”

 

“We had to get here somehow,  _ Han. _ ” The name was a curse, biting and cold as he glared down at his father. Rey flicked wide eyes between the two as the tension ratcheted up by the second. “Now hand over Rey’s keys so we can get out of here.”

 

“Fine.” Han glowered, throwing the rag down between them.

 

“Fine.” Ren bit back. 

 

It was jarring to see them like this, mirror images of each other. Father and son both frozen in the same angry frown. It might have been funny if it wasn’t so tragic, her heart squeezing at the pressure building between them.

 

Han turned away, muttering darkly about  _ ‘trying to do something nice for your son and the girl he’s knocking boots with.’  _ And that he was _ ‘just amazed anyone was willing to tolerate the damn brat at all.’ _

 

Rey swallowed hard and followed quickly in his wake, Ren four paces behind her. A glowering specter at her shoulder as Han pulled her keys down from the rack. Making her wonder exactly  _ how  _ he’d gotten them in the first place, perhaps those rumours she’d heard about Han Solo’s murky past weren’t so far off the mark after all.

 

She could see where Ren got his breaking and entering skills from at least.

 

Her stupid fuzzy keyring jingled as the keys were tossed at her with a huff. Her sigh of relief almost embarrassingly audible as she ran them between her fingers. Pocketing them so she could lean over and check the engine. The hood was still popped, silver metal gleaming in the dim light as she looked it over. Scrabbling to make sure everything was where it should be with no thought about how oily her hands got in the process. 

 

“I don’t know what Leia was talking about, kid.” Han said gruffly to her, not looking directly at her as he gestured to the engine. “Aside from the loose fan belt it looks alright to me. The transmission could do with a --”   
  


“--a tune up. I know.” She finished for him automatically, nodding her head as she checked the oil. “I’m saving to upgrade to a T-1600 when I get the chance though. Should speed her right up.”

 

He snorted. “T-1600? You need an Aratech engine for a car like this.” He turned to her, jostling her shoulder as he gestured to the machine. “Supe up your fuel injector and you could--”

 

“--double the power output. I hadn’t thought of that before.” She nodded, breath catching at the thought as her mind already raced ahead. Assembling and reassembling the engine in her mind. “What about the fuel efficiency? Aratech is a guzzler.”

 

“Upgrade your suspension and you should be fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck before gesturing to the corner of the shop. “I’ve got a couple of spare parts in the back if you want to try it out.”

 

She’d already opened her mouth to agree when Ren cleared his throat pointedly behind her. She shot up, nearly smacking her head on the open hood as she glanced back at him, guilt seizing in her stomach at the dark look on his face.

 

The usual angry frown tempered by something else. Something  _ hurt. _

 

She shook her head at Han, reaching up to close the hood. “No that’s okay, we really should be going now.” She wiped her hand off on her jeans, “Thanks though. I’ll definitely… keep it in mind.”

 

“Sure, kid.” He said gruffly, patting her awkwardly on the shoulder before looking even more awkwardly at his son.

 

She tried to fade into the background, shuffling quietly back to the Falcon to retrieve her bag from the back seat. Trying her hardest not to eavesdrop but failing miserably, it was impossible to fully turn away from them. They were too… present. Towering, intense figures crackling with energy as she lingered at the silver car. 

 

Telling herself she was watching only because she wasn’t entirely sure Ren wouldn’t stab his father with a tire iron as soon as she turned her back.

 

“You said goodbye to your mother?” Han asked, almost accusingly after a long moment of angry silence passed.

 

“She’s in a meeting.” Ren replied tightly. She could see the tension in the rigid line of his shoulders, and something almost vulnerable in the way he avoided meeting his father’s eye. “I’ll call her from the road.”

 

“Real nice, kid.” Han snorted, adding in an undertone. “Not like you haven’t pulled that one before, though.”

 

True darkness flashed over Ren’s face, flaring in his eyes as his hands tightened into fists at his side. Rey winced.

 

Oh no.  _ Stabbing time. _

 

She could feel her hair standing on edge as she watched the darkness flickering between them.  Her every nerve was taught with it, and, before she could stop herself, she was marching into the middle of them. Hand catching in Ren’s before he could raise it in anger. 

 

He shot her a furious look but didn’t push her away, fingers clenching tightly around hers as she fixed on her brightest smile.

 

“Thank you for your hospitality, Mr Solo.” She said sunnily through gritted teeth. Fighting the urge to smack their heads together as she tried to extricate them from the situation without a lawsuit. “It was lovely seeing you again.”

 

A hideously long moment passed but then Han nodded and accepted her free hand when she stuck it out. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” He muttered, shaking it tightly. “Any time.”

 

Another excruciatingly tense second dragged on as she waited to see if Ren would do the same, tightening her fingers ever so slightly around his. He shot another little glare at her before clearing his throat and replying in his most formal, business-like manner. 

 

“Goodbye, Han.”

 

“Bye, B-” The look in Han's eyes softened, almost imperceptibly, as he drew in a sharp breath. Suddenly looking unbearably old in the dim light. “Ren.”

 

She watched the muscles in Ren’s throat jump as he swallowed hard at the name. For a second she thought something more might happen, for one wild moment thinking they might even  _ hug _ as they regarded each other warily across the space.

 

Then Ren was pulling her to the car, opening the driver’s door for her and practically pushing her in before moving to the other side.

 

“Ren-” She started as he folded himself into the car beside her. Door closing tightly behind him as she slipped the key into the ignition. Hesitating to actually turn the engine on as she glanced over at him. 

 

“Drive.” He bit out, looking more tense than she’d ever seen him. More  _ tired. _

 

“But-” She tried again, gesturing subtly to where his father was still standing. Hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets, not looking directly at the car as they idled there. “Maybe-”

 

“Rey.” His voice offered no compromise as he turned in dark eyes on her. “ _ Drive. _ ”

 

She sighed. The familiar whine of the engine soothing her savaged nerves as she complied, pulling out of the garage and onto the winding driveway. Han waving at them once they drove away.

 

It seemed like she could lead a horse to water, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t make him reconnect with his parents.

 

It was a first step though she supposed. 

 

A tiny, painful first step.

 

 

  
  
  



	28. Let's Be Incomplete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wanted a drink. No, what he wanted was to be drunk. He wanted to be in the fuzzy, shifted world where everything was one step removed. Where nothing mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rellie here- sorry for the delay guys! It's entirely my fault as I've had my Masters dissertation to hand in so I've been away for awhile and fanfic has taken a back seat. We should be back to our regularly scheduled updates now!

 

 

 

He had called his mother in the end.

 

After he’d used the garishly white car charger he’d brought in the gas station to charge his phone, he’d unscrewed the post-it note he’d scrawled her number on. Stared down at the sloping digits as if they spelled out his doom.

 

In the end Rey had snatched the phone from him and punched the number in one handed. Handed him back the ringing phone with an annoyed look before returning her attention to driving.

 

His mother’s disappointment had been palpable but she’d been pragmatic. After all she’d probably suspected something like this might happen. She had started on about how they would be in the city next month and would have to drop in for coffee, see his ‘new’ apartment.

 

He’d managed to get out a strangled goodbye and hung up.

 

It was as if his parents and Rey were following some script that no one had bothered to give him a copy of. Come and see his ‘new’ apartment that he’d lived in for five years now, as if they were on good terms? As if that act wouldn’t destroy the careful equilibrium of his life? And no doubt Rey had already slipped them the address, there would be no hiding.

 

For a moment he contemplated just disappearing. Draining his accounts and disappearing off to live in some cabin in the far flung woods or something. Get up early in the morning and contemplate nature, chop wood shirtless, grow his own tomatoes. Whatever else those ‘off the grid’ types did. And he’d take Rey with him. After all she had kidnapped him before, turnabout would be fair play. 

 

Of course she’d probably try and build something to escape in before the end of the first day. That girl would never survive if you took her too far from processed junk food and car parts.

 

His slightly lifted mood disappeared abruptly at that thought. At the memory it conjured up of her and his father talking cars like old friends. Old friends or maybe... parent and child

 

Well, Rey was welcome to him. Ren only hoped he didn’t disappoint her quite as thoroughly as he’d managed too his son.

 

But for a moment back in the garage that old bitter, resentful jealousy had risen up like a wave and he’d envisioned punching his father in the jaw.  _ Hard _ . Pictured him lying there on the concrete floor, blood running down his face, looking up at him.

 

No doubt he would have just launched into a lecture about how Ren couldn’t throw a proper punch.

 

He leant his forehead against the cool window, closed his eyes and tried to tune everything out.

 

It was difficult when the silence in the car seemed too loud.

 

They weren’t talking and neither of them reached to switch on the battered radio. The space between them seemed like it was filling up, dense and heavy, with everything they weren’t saying. Getting more and more pointed as the city fell away behind them, giving way to the featureless expanses of the highway.

 

He’d expected her to lecture him about leaving. To call him ungrateful. Maybe try and convince him to turn around and go back.

 

The silence was worse.

 

Time slipped past slowly as the sun sank gradually past the horizon, the lights of the passing cars flicking on, dousing the interior of her car with brightness every few moments. He leant back in his seat, watching her now out of the corner of his eye.

 

Her hands were tight around the steering wheel, her mouth set in a firm line. But she didn’t look angry, she looked...distant. Distracted. As if part of her was still back in Coronet City with his parents. Dark smudges under her eyes, of course. She hadn’t exactly slept well over the past few nights, he’d made sure of that by demanding they share the beds.

 

He wondered how she  _ really _ felt about that. After-all he’d been the one to go to her, to pull her closer both times. 

 

A hotel sign flashed up on their left, the kind of mid-range chain hotel that populated the entire country yet it looked like a paradise compared to the cockroach infested hell hole they’d stayed in on the way here

 

“You’re tired. We’ll stop.”

 

It came out shorter than he’d intended. Sharper, angrier. 

 

As if her need for sleep was an inconvenience. 

 

She glanced over at him, brows drawn down as if she wanted to argue but she still pulled the car into the parking lot. Killed the engine as they sat there in silence listening to the  _ ‘tick, tick’ _ as it cooled.

  
  


.

Rey’s reluctance became almost palpable as she craned her head back and took in the tall, well-lit building. In his mind this was definitely better, much less of a murder-y vibe than the last place. But he could already see her nervously adding up the cost, deducting it from her earnings.

 

“You go in, I’ll sleep in the car, it’s no--”

 

“I’ll pay.”

 

He held up a hand even as she opened her mouth to protest.

 

“Don’t.”

 

This was an argument he simply didn’t have the energy for right now. There was no way he could leave her to sleep in this car. Not now, not ever again.

 

“Just...don’t, Rey.”

 

Her mouth snapped shut and she looked a little confused. He turned away from her, pushing his car door open with a clunk. 

 

The bored looking man behind the service desk immediately snapped into customer service mode as they entered, a bright false smile clicking on.

 

“Hello there, and welcome to ‘Cloud City’. Would you like to book a room with us this evening?”

 

“Two rooms” Ren corrected, feeling Rey start a little by his side.  “I’ll need you to phone my bank I’m afraid we had a mishap and I appear to have  _ forgotten _ my bank card.” Thank god he’d found his driver's license tucked into the haphazardly packed bag or they really would have been out of luck. As he turned the card over he thought about Rey’s little jump of surprise.

 

She’d expected him to just book one room then? Had wanted him to maybe? 

 

Doubtful. She was still  _ so _ insistent that they weren’t dating.

 

Maybe she’d thought that was the ‘price’ for him paying for the rooms, a dark bitter part of him suggested. He wished he could think that she would never think so low of him but…

 

Well, whatever the reason they were still getting two. He couldn’t share a room with her tonight, not with the anger and the resentment still rushing through his veins from the confrontation with his father. 

 

The worst part hadn’t been the snide comments, the angry disappointment...the worst part had been the moment when they were leaving, when he’d looked back at this father’s face and something inside him had weakened, nearly given way.

 

_ No. _

 

He was never giving them back the power to hurt him. Never.

 

His bank was called and belatedly he wished he could have paid in cash. More difficult to track if Hux decided to try and build a case against him with Snoke. And the slimy little bastard was no doubt plotting even now about how to try and bring about Ren’s downfall, become Snoke’s new golden boy. 

 

Getting fired would have been a blow, but he knew Hux, knew _ Mr Snoke _ . You were in this company for life or they had to destroy you. Couldn’t get a job working at the Wookiemart, mostly likely in prison for a minimum of ten years destroyed. 

 

The clerk handed him their key cards and informed him that if they’d like any food, the bar was still open and offered a wide varied of  _ excellent _ bar meals.

 

Logically they should get food. Lunch had been a long time ago.

 

But he really what he wanted was a drink. No, he wanted to  _ be drunk _ . He wanted to be in the fuzzy, shifted world where everything was one step removed. Where nothing mattered.

 

The bar was nearly empty, as you would expect this early on a weeknight. After all this hotel probably wasn’t exactly somewhere anyone would come to socialise. This was a place people stopped on the way to other places because they had too, not because they wanted too.

 

He pushed his way onto one of the bar stools, sat there flanked on one side by dead-eyed businessmen. Rey slid onto the seat on his right, looking at least slightly more comfortable here than she had at the restaurant earlier. 

 

The guy behind the bar carded Rey, pretty unsurprisingly, and she produced something that was slightly dog-eared and proclaimed her age as 29 and her town of origin as Tuanul. It was so obviously fake he was surprised the man accepted it. But then again it was probably just for show,  this wasn’t the kind of place the underage came to get drunk.

 

“I’ll have a beer.” she said after squinting at the displays of alcohol for a moment.

 

It figured that she drank beer. Probably used to sitting around on the weekend, watching sports and drinking beer with her two ‘friends’. 

 

He cleared his throat to get the bartender's attention.

 

“And I think I will have three tequila shots.”

 

Rey shot him an exasperated look.

 

“Ren…”

 

Her voice held a warning but there was a tired note in it that probably meant she wasn’t going to fight him on this. Tequila seemed the easiest road from sober to drunk. He didn’t plan on sitting around sipping wine tonight.

 

The bartender lined up the shot glasses, filling them neatly to the brim. Ren waved away the lime and salt when offered. No point, he wasn’t drinking this for the taste experience.

 

The first shot went down like fire, the burn filling his chest, warming him.

 

It was a sharp taste that reminded him of the period of drinking he’d gone through as a teenager. Drinking with a kind of single minded determinedness to get drunk, no enjoyment.

 

Grimly he lifted the second, throwing it back.

 

“Might want to pace yourself buddy…” the bartender looked at him with a raised eyebrow. A dark look sent him scurrying back to his other customers, looking slightly alarmed.

 

The third shot hit that back of his throat, nearly making him choke.

 

“Same again,” he croaked, waving the staring bartender back over.

 

He was aware he was effectively ignoring the woman at his side as she nursed her beer. She was quiet too but she seemed more...pensive. Like she was contemplating something. 

Whatever it was it didn’t suit her. Anger suited her, happiness, excitement. Loud, extroverted emotions, those were the ones that looked at home on her face. Not this dull yearning look of sadness.

 

Three more shots were set up in front of him, amber liquid catching the light of the bar and reflecting it back. 

 

His father had drunk quite often. Not tequila though, no. He was a whiskey guy, expensive whiskey. Or when he was feeling nostalgic, cheap beer. 

 

Ren remembered being allowed to try a sip from the whiskey one day, called up while his father sat around with his friends.

 

“Come on Ben, we’ll make a man outta you. Put some hair on that chest.”

 

“Han, he’s ten.” His mother’s voice had been sharp, worried. But he’d seen  _ her _ drink before. All grown-ups did, and he was practically a grown-up no matter what his mother thought.

 

“Old enough for a sip. Christ’s sakes Leia, don’t mollycoddle the kid.”

 

He’d taken a sip from his father’s heavy glass, trying not to act like it mattered. It was awful, worse even than medicine. Making him cough and splutter, nearly throwing up as the liquid burnt its way down his throat. Staring at his father, feeling somehow betrayed, somehow like this couldn’t be right. That this was a joke, grown-ups didn’t really enjoy drinking disgusting stuff like that. They’d set him up somehow.

 

His father had laughed, the others joining in, the sound causing resentment and embarrassment to rise up in his chest. And shame. Because he’d done it  _ wrong _ somehow, he had to have done, he was being laughed at.

“Good for what ails you, right kid?” and then his father had winked, throwing back the rest of the whiskey under his mother’s disapproving stare.

 

_ Goddamnit dad, leave me alone to get drunk can’t you? _

 

“Good for what ails you,” he muttered sarcastically, running a finger around the rim of the shot glass, causing a little dribble of tequila to spill over the side. Picking up the sticky glass he threw it back.

 

Rey shifted next to him, her glass still half full. The heat of her jeans-clad leg was suddenly soaking into his, distracting him a little. They were decidedly battered looking jeans, ripped, nearly worn through at the knee, smudged with oil and dirt. One hole was high on her thigh, nearly perfectly framing a freckle.

 

Without thinking he leant over, worked a finger into the hole on her upper thigh, feeling the softness of the worn edge of the fabric and the warmth of her skin. Pushed his finger up so it was obscuring the freckle, hooked it just under the frayed edge.

 

“You need new jeans.”

 

She was staring down at where he was touching her skin, mouth slightly open, the slightest hint of a blush coloring her cheeks. But she didn’t push him away.

 

He suddenly wished he had even half as much skill with soft words as he did with harsh, that he could explain it to her, just come out and say--

 

_ You’re going to hurt me. _

 

_ You’re going to hurt me and I’m trying to stop myself from hurting you first. _

 

_ I’ve got the goddamn mood ring you brought me strung up next to my heart. I already touch it when I need reassurance. You didn’t mean anything by it, it was a throwaway gesture on your part, it meant  _ **_nothing_ ** _ to you and it’s the single most damned meaningful thing anyone has ever given me in my life. _

 

_ Because you thought about me, you wanted to make me smile. Then you betrayed me and it made me feel like I’d been cracked open. And I never wanted anyone to have that much power over me ever again.  _

 

_ But you took it without even meaning too. _

 

_ And I hate you so much for that sometimes. _

 

The words sounded too pathetic to say aloud, he probably wouldn’t even think them if he was sober right now.  _ In vino veritas _ . 

 

One of the drunken businessmen on his left leant back and gave Rey the once over, the kind of ‘up and down’ look men gave women all the time. Staggered up off his bar stool like he was planning on walking over there.

 

“Take one step nearer her and I’ll make you regret it.”

 

The words were slightly heavy with alcohol, slurred but he straightened in his seat, unfurling all six foot three of himself. Letting them know he could back up the threat.

 

The man’s eyes flickered to Ren’s white knuckled grasp on his glass and he immediately backed up. Took a bar stool as far away as he could get.  Annoyance shot through Ren. He’d wanted the asshole to step closer, had wanted an excuse to lash out at someone.

 

“Are you...are you  _ okay _ ?”

 

Rey’s forehead creased up with the little fold of worry she got sometimes. She looked young. She looked so young, so much obviously younger than him and suddenly he wanted to ask why she was working as a private investigator. Why not go to college, she was obviously smart. Or work a normal job, a barista at a coffee shop, or maybe at one of those disgustingly trendy clothing shops. Why this job? Because she was still chasing the family she’d never found? Was that what made him reconciling with his parents so damned important to her?

 

How was it he knew so little about her? How could he feel all these ridiculous things for someone who was almost a stranger?

 

“Fine.”

 

He took another shot, feeling it burn the back of his throat. The alcohol was steadily heating his cheeks, making his head spin lazily.  The remaining ones went down easier, the fire seeming to have gone out of the drink. Or maybe he’d lost the ability to feel it.

 

The alcohol still left a sour taste in his mouth though, unpleasant. Still it wasn’t supposed to be pleasant was it?  He drew a finger through the sticky rings his shot glass had left on the wood of the bar, smearing the perfect circles.

 

Rey’s hand was suddenly on his arm, tugging him to his feet.

 

“Okay, come on. If you pass out there’s no way I can carry you up to your room. So we’re leaving now.”

 

His arm was pulled over her shoulder, her side pressed into his. Warm and solid against him as she maneuvered him off of his bar stool and toward the elevator. He tried not to lean on her, tried to make his feet work probably but it was difficult. Still she was strong, surprisingly strong and she moved him along with only the occasional stumble despite the fact he dwarfed her so completely.

 

It was....pleasant. To have her pressed so tightly into him. He could imagine walking like this in other circumstances, her tucked neatly under his arm, other arm slung around his back. Not because she had to help him but just because she wanted too.

 

“This is your room.”

 

Rey’s voice startled him and he blinked, wondering when they’d gotten out of the elevator. Somehow he’d been so absorbed in the warmth of her against him that he’d completely lost the moments between there and here.

 

“Oh.”

 

He stared at the door for a long moment, focusing on the pale wood, the shiny number plate. Then he turned to face her, her arms falling away from him. Leaving him feeling cold and unsteady somehow.

 

“So… this is goodnight then.”

 

She twitched her head, something that might have been a nod. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about  _ anything _ right now.

 

All he knew for certain was that he was going to ruin it, sooner or later. Whatever this was between them. 

 

But...not yet...please not just yet, he needed to hold onto it as long as he could. Needed to control the self-destructive impulses that told him to destroy this before she could.

 

Rey still hadn’t moved, hadn’t started to walk away to her own room. Instead she was staring up at him with those oddly sad eyes, like she wanted to say something. 

 

He wanted to say something too, before they got back... he wanted to ask her to ‘go out’. On a proper date. Only it seemed almost infantile to ask, to force those ‘junior high’ words ‘do you want to be my girlfriend?’ from his lips. 

 

_ Pathetic. _

 

And if she said yes, if they….dated. Then what? Twenty years down the line would he be where his father was? A man who didn’t deserve the love of the woman who had chosen him. A man who had let that eat away at him. 

 

He tried to imagine even that much, tried to picture the house in the suburbs, two kids, probably some kind of dog that set off his allergies every five minutes. But it was false somehow, like an advert or an infomercial. He couldn’t make it seem real. 

 

It was more likely it would end sooner, a few months down the line when he inevitably lost his temper, maybe smashed her phone in a fit of jealous rage. Or she simply got bored. Realised he was not an easy person to be around, not ‘fun’. And she left.

 

He couldn’t think of any way this didn’t end in disaster.

 

Didn’t end with her hating him.

 

But that didn’t mean he didn’t want it. He wanted it so badly it was a physical ache in his chest. Wanted  _ her _ . 

 

Without his permission it seemed his hand had moved, fastening itself onto her arm. Holding onto her so tightly that her skin was already starting to turn white and pinched around his grip.

 

“Ren…”

 

His name on her lips was all it took to break what little restraint he still had.

 

He pulled her closer, folded her tightly into himself, drink making his limbs clumsy. Her weight pressed the ring around his neck almost painfully into his skin, like it was branding him, like it would leave a mark. He felt a tug, a pull deep in his chest that wasn’t the alcohol. Hating it, hating it so much. Why couldn’t she just  _ leave _ ? When it was obvious she was going to eventually anyway.

 

She sucked in a sharp breath, loud with her mouth so close to his ear. Instead of pushing him away her arms came up, clutching at the fabric on his shoulders like it was a lifeline. Pressing her face into his chest, seeming for a moment so much smaller than she really was. Like  she wanted him to surround her, completely engulf her and protect her from everything.

 

It gave him a pang because… he couldn’t. He  _ couldn’t _ protect her, he couldn’t even protect himself.

 

She was  _ supposed _ to push him away, she was supposed to make this easy.

 

“Rey…”

 

_ I hate you. _

 

“I love you.”

  
  



	29. Falling Apart at Half Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was so warm, so... present. Saying everything she’d ever wanted to hear another person say. And it was killing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snowfright wrote this chapter, snuck yet another FOB reference past Rellie (sorry luv :P) AND would like to formally apologize for this chapter. She's just... very, very sorry. <333

  
  


“I love you.”

 

She couldn’t breathe.

 

The inescapable grey she’d been trapped in since they’d left the city becoming suffocating. Solidifying in her lungs as her stomach sank to her knees. Mouth awash with the taste of cheap beer and bile even as her heart squeezed so tightly she thought it might burst.

 

The words made everything worse. 

 

He was so warm, so... _present._ Saying everything she’d ever wanted to hear another person say. And it was killing her. She let herself stand there, soaking it in, swallowed up by his arms for a handful of heartbeats.

 

Then she pushed him away.

 

Her hands shook with the effort, stepping out of his orbit into the echoing hall way. Unable to meet his gaze as she rubbed at her suddenly freezing arms. Trying to blame the sudden chill on the air conditioning and not the cold, numb sadness that had been seeping from her bones since... since...

 

_ “Rey?” _

 

Her name was almost enough to undo her. To make the tears burning angrily behind her eyes spill over, but she couldn’t let them fall. Not now. Not after everything.

 

“You’ve had a lot to drink.” She said quietly to his shoulder. “You… you should get some sleep.”

 

She wanted to plug her ears. Erase the last two hours, the last two weeks… months… Anger rising behind the sadness.  He’d wake up in the morning with a headache and absolutely no memory of what he'd said, and she'd be stuck with the weight of it. A constant crushing vice around her chest whilst he went on with his life. 

 

Without her.

 

Because she knew he would, everyone did eventually.

 

And she’d done her best, tried her hardest to push the worry aside. To smile through it. Seizing every broken little moment of intimacy like it meant something, like it could  _ last.  _ In the park when he’d chased after her... His room… The restaurant... She thought everything might actually work out for them. That everything could be okay.

 

But it wasn’t. 

 

And  _ she _ wasn’t.

 

And what he was saying was making her  _ bleed  _ because she wanted him to love her more than anything, but real life didn’t work like that.

 

She was two steps away when she felt his hand on her again, gripping her arm tight enough to bruise. Burning through her like a spark to kindling.

 

“That’s it?” Hot, angry breath washed against her neck as he stood behind her. “That’s all you have to say?” 

Her hands clenched, the words stabbing through her. Becoming anger as she glared at the ugly patterned carpet.

 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Her voice only shook a little, something she tried to bolster herself with. “Do you think I don’t see it?” She turned at last, eyes burning as she met his. Another mistake. “You… you  _ hate  _ me Ren.  You try not to, but I see it every time you look at me. You  _ despise _ me for this… for everything. And I can’t… I can’t keep pretending it’s going to be okay. That you’re going to get over it.”

 

She’d misstepped over and over again. Broken every boundary, made it so whatever tentative first steps they might have taken towards a shared future were broken beyond all recognition. She thought she could be okay with it, that everything could fall back into place now it was done. But it hadn’t, the darkness hadn’t settled, it had grown, and the way he  _ looked _ at her...

 

Like he could strangle her for what she’d done.

 

Like he hated himself for hating her.

 

She couldn’t bear it anymore. It hurt too much. Just tonight she was done smiling.  _ Hoping.  _ And she sure as hell wasn’t going to admit to him that she loved him more than she’d loved anyone in her life. That it was killing her to see him like this. To hear him say those words when she  _ knew  _ he didn’t mean them. 

 

He’d wielded them like a weapon, pushing her away and pulling her closer with the same hand. She was done being toyed with.

 

He had the good grace to look surprised at least,  eyebrows jerking up like she’d electrocuted him. Mouth falling open as she stepped back again. Her stubby little nails drawing blood as she dug them so deep into her palm her bones creaked.

 

“I don’t-” He couldn’t even say the words. Couldn’t even  _ deny  _ it, deny that he hated her.

 

“How pathetic do you think I am?” The words seemed to echo in the hush of the hallway, soft and cutting.

 

“I  _ love  _ you.” He caged her face in his hands, the bittersweet scent of tequila fanning across her face as he forced her to look up at him. “Don’t you get that? I fucking _ love _ you?”

 

“I don’t believe you” The words were unforgivably quiet, staring at the freckles on his face. The ones she’d learnt by heart. Anything to avoid meeting his eyes, terrified of what she’d find there.

 

Another lie. The truth. What did it matter anymore?

 

She didn’t give him a chance to respond, pulling his fingers away from her face. He fought her for a moment, muscles locking under her hands but then he slumped. Letting her push him away at last, stumbling away from her. Defeated.

 

“Go to bed, Ren.” She said, turning her back on him again, her voice catching on his name. “I doubt you’ll even remember this in the morning.”

 

But she would.

 

There was no way she could ever forget it. Not for as long as she lived. And, no matter how pathetic he thought she was, it couldn’t compare to how pathetic she  _ knew  _ she was. How utterly he’d destroyed her, how easily she’d let him.

 

How much of this was her own fault for getting in so deep. For making him hate her, the way everyone ended up doing.

 

She didn’t let the tears fall until she was safely locked in her own room. Slumping against the door and sobbing until she had nothing left.

 

-

 

By the time the sun rose the only evidence of the night before was the bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes she couldn’t seem to calm with any amount of cold water. That and the weight that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in her chest. Although that was blessedly invisible and so much easier to ignore.

 

She texted Finn from the hotel room, telling them what time they’d be back, overcompensating with smiley faces when he asked her if everything was okay. She was tired, she was just looking forward to getting back to normal. The usual excuses. He seemed to accept them though, thank the Maker.

 

That band-aid ripped off she turned her attention to the future. Normal was a nebulous concept for her after all but she couldn’t just  _ stop  _ because of… what had happened. She had things to do. Taking full advantage of the hotel’s free wifi she responded to a couple of enquiries she’d gotten over the last few weeks. Possible investigating jobs. Boring stuff mostly, cheating partners, the usual. But work was work. And now the Solo-Organa case was done she’d have to refill her schedule.

 

And find a new apartment.

 

Get on with her life.

 

Now if only she could get her eyes to cooperate. Everything would be just fine.

 

She dug around in her backpack for her dollar-store sunglasses. It wasn’t ideal but it would do, it was fairly sunny at least so she wouldn’t look too strange. The finishing touch to her particularly well put together outfit, well, for her at least. Practically clean jeans, least crumpled shirt, hair brushed into ordered precision as she tied it up for the day.

 

She had to put her best foot forward.

 

Sucking in a deep steadying breath she swung her bag over her shoulder and snatched up her key-card. She could do this. A few more hours driving and she could drop him off and never have to see him again.

 

It was done.

 

She hesitated outside his door anyway, steeling her courage as the memories of the night before threatened to overwhelm her. 

 

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty.” She yelled brightly when she’d finally gotten a grip on herself, hammering at the imitation wood.

 

She could taste her heartbeat in her throat as she waited for him to appear. Keeping her smile fixed in place with military precision as she heard the muffled thudding of someone stirring within. Every second stretching into an hour until at last the door creaked open.

 

He looked like hell.

 

Rumpled and stubbly with eyes even redder than her own. Her shoulders locked as he met her gaze through the shades but she didn’t falter. Didn’t crumble like she’d worried she might. Her decision had already been made, there was no turning back now.

 

“You better hurry up if we’re going to make it back to the City by noon.” Her cheeks ached from keeping her expression steady but her voice didn’t falter. Waving him back into the room as she turned away. “I’ll be in the lobby checking us out when you’re ready.”

 

She felt his eyes on her all the way down the hallway, stomach clenching as she waited for him to say something. To call her out for this sudden unbearable cheerfulness, to shout or scowl or… she didn’t know. The soft click of the door echoing like a gunshot as she finally turned the corner to the elevator bank.

 

It took thirty two minutes for Ren to appear.

 

Thirty two long minutes in which she’d not only checked them out, but also cleaned out the front of her car, reset all her radio stations, got them coffee and checked her email eight times.

 

She shoved one of the cups at him when he appeared at last. Only marginally more human looking. Still rumpled, scowling at anyone who dared look at him as he swept from the elevator like a great angry black bat.

 

“Black.” She said as she pushed the drink into his hand, as if it wasn’t obvious. He only ever drank black coffee. Something she’d teased him about once, accosting him outside SnokeCorp HQ in one of those early days of stalking.  _ You know you don’t have to coordinate your drinks to your outfit right?  _ The memory made her throat tighten. Swallowing hard before she forced herself to add cheerfully, “You looked like you needed it.”

 

He took it wordlessly, still watching her with those endless dark eyes as she headed for the car. Any hope she might have had about him forgetting about the last night’s  _ incident _ disintegrating under the look on his face. Anger simmering in the tense line of his jaw, something far too much like hurt twisting the corner of his mouth.

 

She made herself talk, filling the walk to the car with mindless chatter. Fighting to keep the atmosphere normal with each clumsy step she took. Folding herself down into the driver’s seat.

 

“ -If we take the turn-off we can avoid the Hub traffic completely.” She finished, fingers trembling ever so slightly as she fought to get the key in the ignition. Glaring at the back of her hand as she struggled to get it in.

 

“Don’t.” His hand covered hers, freezing her in place. The warm touch ripping open every wound she’d carefully sewn shut, all of the pain of the last night roaring back to life. Burning behind her eyes as she fought to keep herself still under his hand. “You don’t have to…”

 

He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t have to, she knew exactly what he meant.

 

She didn’t have to  _ pretend.  _ To make believe that this was a normal car journey, that she wasn’t falling apart.  Feeling her heart tearing itself into little tiny bloody pieces in her chest. Becoming nothing more than pulp.

 

She didn’t have to keep acting like everything wasn’t… over.

 

She hated him for it. For  _ knowing,  _ seeing past the careful defenses she’d spent the better part of two decades putting up. The ones he’d destroyed in two  _ months. _

 

Clearing her throat she turned the key at last, brushing him off as the engine roared to life. Trying to comfort herself with the knowledge that she’d have years to build them back up again.

 

A life time.

 

“It’s fine.” Was all she said. Flicking on the radio as she pulled out of the lot, the sudden tinny blare of pop music making her flinch ever so slightly.

 

Everything would be fine.

 

Wouldn’t it?

  
  



	30. Entertain the Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Rellie

“We’re here.”

 

Rey’s voice sounded soft, oddly defeated. 

 

He nodded, very deliberately not looking up at his building. It felt too much like acknowledging this was the end. 

 

Of the journey. 

 

Of them.

 

But this was what he had known was going to happen anyway wasn’t it? That she was going to leave.

 

They both sat very still for what seemed like an eternity. The sounds of the rain beating on the windows the only thing breaking the silence.

 

He forced himself to turn, to look at her. To study her bathed in the streetlight, skin dappled from the shadows of the rain on the windows. 

 

He was memorising her, he realised.

 

Trying to commit each curve of her face to memory in case this was the last time he ever saw her. Because this  _ was  _ the end, however little he wanted it to be, his ridiculous confession had ended it. She’d never felt that way for him, that much was clear. Maybe she had liked him a little, enough to kiss him, enough to share his bed. But she hadn’t loved him.

 

The anger coiled in his stomach, threatening to rise up and choke him again. Made him want to demand answers, demand to know how she could do this to him. To grab onto her and refuse to let her go.

 

Instead he simply clenched his fists, pressing the dull ends of his nails against his skin.

 

She finally popped her door open, took off her seatbelt but then just sat there, staring ahead as if she was still driving. Her hands were clenched on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. He concentrated on the little pale scars that flecked her fingers, the backs of her hands. Marks of a hard life, of work done with her hands, manual labor. He tried to recall the feeling of taking her small hand in his, letting her lead him through the park that day. 

 

When, just for a moment, it had seemed like everything would work out.

 

But she’d already been lying to him then, hadn’t she? Deceiving him, working with his parents to play him like a fool. 

 

Rey’s small intake of breath sounded oddly like a sob.

 

“Ren, I…”

 

The door to his building shot open, rebounding off of the wall with a crack, framing two of the _ last  _ people on earth he wanted to see right now. Whatever she had been going to say was lost as she swung herself out of the car and walked toward her friends, leaving him to follow.

 

Poe was striding towards him, arms open wide, an ingratiating smile plastered across his face.

 

“Hey there Ren, buddy, pal, compadre… look, we might have had a slight mishap involving your couch, nothing to be concerned about, just know we’ll cover all the damages and--”

 

A one handed shove sent the other man crashing down onto the wet pavement, landing hard.

 

“Well that was uncalled for. Someone not have their coffee today?”

 

Poe looked up at Rey, seemingly for confirmation, one eyebrow raised. She just stared down at him, as if she’d lost the energy to even object. 

 

“Everything okay?” he asked, voice taking on a slightly wary timbre as his eyes flickered between the two of them. Obviously taking in the hollow, sunken look in Rey’s eyes and drawing his own conclusions.

 

Finn meanwhile had puffed out his chest, one foot planted in front of his fallen friend, looking ready to start a fight.

 

“Watch it! He didn’t do anything to you!”

 

“Do you  _ really _ want to fight me.”

 

The shorter man’s eyes flickered over his friend on the sidewalk, over Rey’s tear swollen reddened eyes and his resolve seemed to harden. 

 

“Yeah, I think I do.”

 

Ren almost laughed. He was craving a fight, wanted to put this upstart back in his place and really, what more could he do to ruin his relationship with Rey?  His anger rose like a wave, bitter and painful.

 

“Very well.”

 

Rey took a step forward, a warning look on her face.

 

“No. No one’s fighting.”

 

For a second it seemed like Finn wouldn’t listen, like he wouldn’t back down.

 

_ Please _ . 

 

Ren clenched his fists, feeling the need to strike out thrumming through him. 

 

“Finn!”

 

Her voice seemed to break the other man’s trance and he took a step back, eyes never leaving Ren’s.

 

“If you’ve hurt her…”

 

Ren resisted the urge to laugh, the irony of the moment curling his lip. Hurt  _ her _ ? No, she’d been the one ripping him to pieces, not the other way around.

 

“Get in the car,” she called, already walking away and climbing back into the driver’s seat, obviously desperate to get away from him “We’re leaving.”

 

With a final glare the other man turned and folded himself into the backseat next to Poe. Then the engine sputtered and roared, and the battered red car disappeared down the street.

 

Leaving him standing alone on the sidewalk, feeling the rain slowly starting to soak through his clothes.

 

-

 

His apartment had the look of being hastily tidied but there were tell tale signs of it having been inhabited by the moron brothers. Chip crumbs scattered across the countertop, his neat mail pile having turned into a landslide.

 

And of course the fact that his couch was covered in long claw mark like slashes, bits of stuffing poking forlornly out of the holes. The dog. They’d had the  _ dog _ in here. He would’ve known it anyway by the sneeze starting to tickle and burn between his eyes. Normally he would have been infuriated but now it just seemed like another inconvenience heaped upon him. 

 

A shrill insistent trill broke the silence. 

 

His phone.

 

For one ridiculous second an odd hope leapt in his chest, that it would be Rey for some reason but even before he glanced at the display the hope was already dying. She had made her decision and even he knew that when she decided something, she stuck to it.

 

He glanced down at the glowing screen already knowing what he’d find.

 

Hux.

 

Of course it was  _ Hux _ .

 

His thumb hovered over the decline button as he considered ignoring it. But the potential consequences of that could be too dire.

 

With a sigh, he accepted the call.

 

“Hux, I--”

 

“Ren, we expect you at work in half an hour. No, don’t bother lying, we know you’re home. Director Snoke is  _ exceedingly _ interested in hearing about your little vacation.”

 

There was a muffled click then nothing.

 

Icy dread welled up in his chest, mixing with the anger already simmering there. They knew. He’d thought they might but to have it confirmed…

 

His work had been everything to him.  _ Everything _ . For years he’d sacrificed himself for Mr Snoke’s vision.

 

He had to do something to get rid of this feeling buzzing under his skin before he clawed it out with his nails. 

 

His phone was hurled abruptly against the wall, screen splintering as it rebounded.

 

_ Not enough. _

 

The plant pots, filled with the fake plants he didn’t have to water, crashed to ground with a satisfying shatter. The fragments crunching under his boots as he ground them into the floor.

 

He picked up the coffee pot next, weighing its heavy glass and chrome in his hand. Then he swung it hard against the wall, the silvery sound of the breaking glass overwhelming. The cuts it left on his hand were shallow, just enough to throb with tiny slivers of pain.

 

The next thing on the counter was the fruit bowl, containing nothing now but a few overripe apples. He picked one up, wrinkling his nose a little at the scent.

 

Apples.  _ Damned Apples. _

 

The unwelcome memory flooded over him, Rey biting into one of his apples nonchalantly, flaunting the fact she’d stolen it in his face. Teasing him.

 

The flesh gave suddenly beneath his fingers, stagnantly sweet juice dripping over his fingers.

 

He dropped it and ground the pulpy mess into the carpet with his heel.

 

How dare she? How dare she ruin his life then just waltz away with her friends and leave him to pick up the pieces?  _ How dare she _ **_leave_ ** _ him like this? _

 

With a scream of frustration he turned and tipped the bookcase over, listening to the crash as it hit the floor, scattering the few books it contained across the floor. 

 

He slammed his hand against the newly exposed wall.Then he punched. Again, again, _ again, _ the wall cold and hard against his fist, feeling the pain radiate up his arm. Feeling the ache and burn of his knuckles.

 

Suddenly exhausted he sat down amongst the destruction and laughed. Bitterly, viciously.

 

_ Unhinged. _

 

That word flickered across his mind. But no, he was still here and it had helped, for the moment. Now he felt sated but empty.

 

Hollow.

 

-

 

Arriving at the office, Ren was aware people were looking at him strangely, scurrying to get out of his way as he strode down the corridor.

 

It could potentially have been the ‘he’s about to get fired and end up in jail’ kind of strangely. Alternatively it could have been the fact he hadn’t changed his clothes in two days, was sporting days worth of beard and his knuckles were visibly bruised and bloodied.

 

The look on Hux’s face was utterly appalled. 

 

“What in god’s name happened to you? Wait no, I don’t want to know. Save your explanations for Director Snoke.” 

 

He strode forward and rapped his knuckles sharply on the black panelled wood. A deep, resonant voice came from inside--

 

“You may enter.” 

 

The room beyond was cavernous, desk set far back in the gloom. The windows backlit the figure sitting at it with a pale, bright winter light.

 

Together they walked forward and Ren felt bitterly aware of how immaculate Hux was, not a crease in his suit as usual. 

 

He was reminded, suddenly, sharply, of standing in front of Mr Snoke for the first time. Fifteen years old and a runaway, with a tangle of dark hair and a bruise on his cheek. He felt like that again...small, unworthy, a mess.

 

The first time love had destroyed him, Mr Snoke had helped to pick him back up.

 

He wasn’t sure that would happen the second time.

 

“Tell me about the girl.”

 

“She’s nobody.”

 

His voice cracked, taking on a wavering note his mentor was sure to notice.

 

The skeletal finger tapped a file in front of him, very slowly, very very deliberately. 

 

“Your parents hired her. To return you to them.”

 

“Yes.”

 

What use was it to lie? They knew, they knew  _ everything _ already. They probably even knew how she had turned him down, turned him away after he’d confessed to her. Hux probably enjoyed compiling  _ that _ evidence.

 

He swallowed, hard, then tried again.

 

“She didn’t succeed, not really.”

 

The Director’s bright eyes narrowed under the folds of parchment like flesh. It felt like those eyes could burrow into him, lay bare every misgiving,  every moment of doubt.

 

“There was no wavering of your loyalty when eating and sleeping in your childhood home? No stirrings of  _ compassion _ ?”

 

“None. Director...my returning there only convinced me more fully that those  _ people _ ...have nothing more to do with me. My commitment to this company and to your campaign is as unwavering as it has ever been.”

 

Hux’s voice broke through, like nails on a chalkboard.

 

“The girl’s a private investigator. We  _ could _ pay her off to keep her mouth shut. She could even be bought, turned back on Ren’s parents to find out their little secrets.”

 

It sounded sordid, degrading. The idea of trying to buy Rey’s silence. But more horrifying to him was the idea of involving her in this, of exposing her to people like Hux every day, letting her get caught up in this web. And Hux knew that, was exposing his weakness for Director Snoke to see.

 

“It would be dangerous.” Ren turned back to face Mr Snoke, imploring “She’s too...moral for our line of work, Director.”

 

_ Please, please they couldn’t bring Rey into this. _

 

He heard the little sound of amusement Hux made, all his rage narrowing down into the urge to sink his fist into the man’s smug ginger face. Clenching his fists to keep himself from turning and doing just that.

 

Mr Snoke stared at him for a long time, fingers still caressing the file contemplatively. 

 

“Then you will see to it that she does not become a problem. Or I will see to it  _ myself. _ ”

 

“I...understand completely Director.”

 

One of the cuts on his hand had opened up, steadily dribbling blood down his wrist. He could feel it pooling, dripping off to hit the floor with a muffled impact. If he looked down he’d be able to see the little drops of red staining the immaculate grey carpet.

 

He had to give them  _ something _ , anything. To distract them. To reaffirm his loyalty. Or they would go after Rey, go after his weakness, find a way to use her against him.

 

“My father….was a criminal in his youth. Petty theft mostly but he dabbled in drug smuggling over the border. I’ve no doubt in your ability to find proof of this. My mother married him knowing all about his past dalliances in the criminal underworld. Her character might be beyond reproach but you could take her down with him.”

 

The final betrayal, the one he had held back all these years.

 

“Thank you, Kylo Ren. I believe that information may prove...most useful.”

  
  



	31. (Un)Happy Little Working Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was absolutely no sense in getting misty-eyed over a damned cockroach. It was just too absurd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Snowfright <3

  
  
  


Her office was exactly as she left it.

 

Well not  _ exactly.  _

 

It was much,  _ much  _ dustier. With junk mail piled inches thick on the inside of the door, and enough mould in the bottom of her coffee cup to convince her she might have accidentally created a new species. 

 

She was just glad all of her plants were plastic, otherwise they would  _ definitely  _ be dead right now.

 

It just hadn’t seemed like a priority to check in that often when she’d been working on… on  _ the case. _ Her office building was too far away, in the unfashionable end of town on the opposite side of the city to  _ his  _ apartment. It had been easier to sleep in her car then drive all the way back to check on it. Or in his bed.

 

She bit the inside of her cheek hard. There was no time to think about it, not when the room looked like it had been made-over by Miss Haversham’s decorating company and she had potential clients coming in this week. A plume of dust rose from the ratty carpet as she ditched her backpack, catching in her throat and making her splutter as she started pulling open the cupboards on the opposite wall. There was a vacuum and a duster and other… cleaning stuff somewhere in here, she was certain. 

 

She just had to find it.

 

It didn’t take long. Her eyes lighting up when she finally stumbled upon the ancient treasure trove of supplies, stuffed right in the back of the furthest cupboard under a patchwork of spiderwebs and an almost ironic amount of dirt. 

 

She reached in for the dustpan and something  _ moved.  _ A high-pitched screech of surprise escaping her as the family of cockroaches that had claimed it for their own skittered out in protest, directly over her outstretched fingers. 

 

“Maker  _ fuck _ .” She cursed as she stumbled back, her heart making a sudden desperate bid for escape from her mouth. She scrubbed her hand against her jeans, a full body shudder working it’s way from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes at the unwelcome surprise. 

 

Sucking in a deep breath she worked the sudden tension from her shoulders, cracking her knuckles before she reached in again. Knocking the ugly insects away until she could get to her supplies.

 

Bugs didn’t scare her, not really. 

 

They were creepy sure, and she  _ hated  _ how fast they moved, but she’d learned to live with worse things than them during her days in the system. She found herself snorting quietly as the adrenaline waned, a soft little huff of laughter as she imagined Ren’s reaction to the scene. He’d run so fast he’d probably leave a man-shaped hole in the door, like one of those old Warner Brother’s cartoons.

 

The last time he’d been confronted with a cockroach he’d run screaming through a parking lot after all... 

 

_ Naked. _

 

The corner of her mouth twitched even as her face flushed at the memory of the grumpy, freckled man-child who’d abandoned his clothes and stolen her bed over a few insects. Remembering the ensuing tug of war over the blanket. The warmth of his chest under her hands...

 

The smile died on her face, hands tightening convulsively around the bottle of cleaner.

 

That was  _ before. _

 

Back when there was a scrap of hope between them. Before he grew to despise her completely.

 

She clenched her teeth together, forcing herself away. There was absolutely no sense in getting misty-eyed over a damned cockroach. It was just too absurd. 

 

Too  _ pathetic. _

 

Pushing the memories down she got to work. Determined to scrub and sweep and polish until the place was habitable again. Until her old life had re-emerged completely from the dust. Forcing herself to think of the future; the spousal infidelity case she had coming up, the appointment she had with a realtor in Coco Town to look at new apartments.

 

Life was resuming. 

 

All she had to do was  _ let  _ it.

 

Pushing herself through the motions she tried to rid herself of the endless, intrusive thoughts that plagued her. To work out the numb weight that had settled in her bones, turning her muscles into damp cotton as she scrubbed and scrubbed until her knuckles were red-raw and her eyes were weeping from the scent of disinfectant. 

 

She was bound and determined to ignore the invisible presence at the back of her mind completely. Block out the face that haunted the backs of her eyelids like a wraith in one of those endless fantasy films Finn loved to make her watch. 

 

_ Finn. _

 

Her stomach sank further, fresh guilt curdling inside of her at the thought of her friend. He’d wanted to  _ talk  _ after what had happened.... happened. The near-fight outside of Ren’s apartment. He wasn’t stupid after all, Poe wasn’t either. One look at her swollen eyes and sunken cheeks and they’d  _ known. _

 

Not the specifics of course, that was a spectacular failure she planned to keep well and truly locked up inside, but they’d known  _ enough. _ That she’d gotten herself in too deep with someone she never should have gotten close to, that it had turned into the inevitable horror show everyone surely knew it would be.

 

And worst still was the way she’d handled it. Her words harsher than she intended as she told her only two friends in the whole world to drop the subject. Caustic and dismissive. Unable to stop herself from becoming that prickly, closed off creature she’d been as a child again. The one who trusted nothing to nobody, who lived in utter solitude and told herself she liked it.

 

Finn had looked so hurt it made her eyes start watering all over again.

 

She just… what was the point? Why drag it all up again? Obsess over what had happened, or hadn’t happened... Why should she pick apart all of her failures in front of an audience when she was more than capable of doing it on her own?

 

She needed to apologize, she knew, but it was still too soon. Too raw. Better to pretend it hadn’t happened at all. Better to clean it all away.

 

Time dragged in a haze of bleach and furniture polish. Crawling past until at last the place was habitable again. Every side scoured, every corner vacuumed to within an inch of it’s life. Her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat as she pulled back to admire her handiwork. Eyes sticking on the clock as she swept the room with her gaze.

 

It was getting late.

 

She should leave, the neighbourhood wasn’t exactly salubrious during the daytime and at night it was downright  _ seedy. _ The sensible thing to do would be to head back to Finn and Poe’s, apologize for what she’d said. Make things right.

 

Or head to a hotel somewhere, rent a nice room for once and blow half her pay check on the mini-bar. 

 

It wasn’t like she could sleep in her car again. Not tonight at least. Not when it still felt so full of  _ him,  _ like if she glanced over at the right moment he’d still be sitting there. Hunched over just so her could fit inside, fingers twisting unconsciously around that stupid mood ring she’d bought him.

 

She sat down heavily in her chair, swinging around on it as she unlocked her desk drawers instead. Searching through them in a daze as she set about straightening out her files. The top drawer was stuffed with old memory sticks, ones that she  _ really _ needed to sort through.

 

Right now.

 

Pulling her laptop from her rucksack she booted it up, thanking the Maker that her neighbours still hadn’t changed their wifi password. Pulling up some background music she set about the tedious task of going through each stick. Most of it was useless, old research files and evidence from long closed cases. Schedules and photos and background information she could stick straight in the recycling bin, but there were a few relevant tidbits stashed away in there worth keeping. 

 

The monotonous task taking up all of her attention as the moon rose, not even bothering to turn on the lamp as she worked. It wasn’t until she’d made it to the second to last drive that anything really jumped out at her.

 

It’s only file marked:  _ ‘Gotcha_Motherfucker.xls’ _

 

Frowning she clicked it open, scrolling through a seventeen page spreadsheet of random names and addresses before she saw the words  _ ‘Ren, Kylo’ _ and realized exactly what she was looking at.

 

The SnokeCorp file.

 

_ His  _ file.

 

The one that had sent her on this whole stupid misadventure. She nearly slammed the laptop shut, fighting the urge to hurl it clean across to room as the hurt and rage welled up inside of her. 

 

She’d finally been forgetting.

 

_ Finally. _

 

And yet one glance at his name was enough to throw her completely. Shoving her right back into the depths of her misery.

 

Swearing violently at the empty room she made her decision, it was clearly time she forgot her problems in the age-old tradition of mankind everywhere.

 

She needed to get drunk.

 

Really,  _ really  _ drunk.

 

She was reaching for the off switch, determined to find the first dive bar she could and thoroughly drown her problems, when her eye caught on another name.

 

_ Evans, Finn. _

 

Her throat went dry. All plans forgotten as she read and re-read the meticulously inputted entry.

 

It was a mistake. It had to be. There was no way it could be Finn. Not  _ her  _ Finn.It was someone else with the same name. And blood type. And… and address. 

 

Not his current address, of course, but the shoebox apartment in the mid-district he’d lived in before. The one he’d been moving out of when she first been introduced to him, Poe’s new friend she’d been roped in to help move. 

 

Finn had said then he was leaving a bad job but… not  _ SnokeCorp?   _ They stood against every one of Finn’s ideals,  _ all _ of their ideals. She couldn’t imagine him there, wearing a pressed suit uniform and that blank expression the majority of the workers at SnokeHQ had worn. The image of bold, stubborn Finn fitting into the machine was too bizarre. Too…  _ sad. _

 

She needed answers. Snapping her laptop shut at last she threw it into her bag, it looked like she would be paying the boys a visit after all.

 

-

 

She’d barely knocked once before the door was yanked open, sending her stumbling as the very man she’d come to see seized her in a tight hug. She swallowed hard, the unpleasant mix of guilt and confusion that had been building since she left her office lurching in her gut as Finn engulfed her in his arms. Beebles yapping happily from their feet as he pulled her inside.

 

“Rey - we were worried when you didn’t call, are you-”

 

“Did you work for SnokeCorp?” She regretted the words as soon as she said them, ungainly and accusatory as she cut him off. He let her go, arms falling away as his expression changed. Eyes widening, mouth falling open in an unmistakable moment of panic.

 

“Rey, I…” The words ran dry, his hand bracing on the open door as he looked at her wordlessly. An old fear tightening his mouth, tension coiling in his muscles. He suddenly looked so young, so  _ vulnerable,  _ she almost couldn’t stand it.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Finn?” Her words softened, hands dropping to her sides as righteous indignation faded into concern. She hadn’t known, she  _ should  _ have known.

 

He was her  _ friend, _ why hadn’t she asked? 

 

Why hadn’t she shown more interest in his life before they’d met? 

 

Her throat tightened with guilt. She knew  _ exactly _ why she had never asked. She’d always been so closed off, so eager to forget her own past, that she’d never shown an interest in anyone else’s for fear they’d return the favour. She was unforgivably selfish.

 

He closed the door softly behind them, shoving his hands into his pockets as he shrugged his shoulders. Eyes turning distant as he relived some past horror she couldn’t share.

 

“It wasn’t a good time in my life, Rey.” He admitted to the carpet, absently petting BB as she jumped at his leg. “With The First Order… SnokeCorp… I got in on an internship right out of school, they paid for my college, gave me a job. I thought it was… right. What they were doing, good even. But then the trial period was over and the longer I stayed there…” He shuddered and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to him. Pressing her hand to his arm and offering whatever small comfort she could as he looked up at her at last. Eyes heavy with fear, with the need for her  _ understand.  _ “It’s a bad place Rey. Dangerous. The things they do there… I didn’t want to be any part of it. And if Poe and the air-force hadn’t been there to help me out… I don’t know what would have happened.” 

 

“I’m so sorry Finn,” She shook her head, pushing her hair out of her face with her other hand. “I’ve always been so wrapped up in my own drama I never even- I’m just glad you’re out of there. If anything ever happened to you...”

 

“I should be the one apologizing,” He huffed, covering her hand with his. His touch warm and familiar. “I should have told you years ago. I just… wanted to forget. I’m sorry I never told you.”

 

She threw her arms around him, squeezing him too tightly. Silently apologizing for everything else, about how harsh she’d been. How closed off she still was. For being a mess of a person.

 

Thanking him for still being her friend despite it all.

 

“That’s why I didn’t want you hanging around that… that  _ guy  _ too much.” He murmured as she pulled away at last, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. “SnokeCorp is  _ evil _ , Rey, and Kylo Ren… he’s pretty high up the food chain there. It’s not safe for you to be around him.”

 

Her breath caught. Jaw slackening as the thought hit home, lodging itself like an arrow in the softest part of her chest. Already on the verge of jumping to Ren’s defense even as Finn’s words found their mark.

 

She snapped her mouth shut.

 

Finn was  _ right. _

 

Ren still worked there, he’d done so for as far back as the records went from what she’d found. Was he complicit in it, or was he another pawn like Finn? How deep was he in with the First Order?

 

How many more lives was Snoke going to ruin before somebody _ stopped  _ him? 

 

Anger warmed through her, low and simmering, as she made a silent promise to herself.

 

It was time to find out  _ just  _ how bad SnokeCorp was.

 

How bad  _ Ren  _ was.

 


End file.
